LITEROTICA PODCAST
LIT CAMS (200 Free Tokens)ADULT TOYSVOD MOVIES

The Porn Writers' Oath

shereads

shereads

Sloganless
Joined
Jun 6, 2003
Posts
19,242
Posted on behalf of your readers.

Please repeat after me:

On my honor or my story scores, whichever works, I do solemnly swear that I will never write a sex scene in which one or more participants, onlookers, vice cops or elected representatives to a governing body, in order to express surprise, shock, satisfaction, arousal, frustration or warning, or to request some toilet paper from the adjacent stall, or for any other purpose except to identify an actual person whose legal name is Jiminy God, utters the words, "Jiminy God."

If I break this solemn oath, may I be stricken with 1-bombs, genital warts of the face, televised outing on Dateline NBC, and a sexual compulsion so bizarre and degrading that the most desperate prostitutes refuse my money and beg me to seek psychiatric counseling.

I do so swear.

Your Name Here
 
Last edited:
Climactic expletives that are almost as unsexy as Jiminy God:


"Holy Goofy and Pluto!"

"Tinkerbell! Gipetto!"

"Yes, Senator Craig! YESSSS!"

"Jeeeezus, you're good...Let's try it in the same stall now."
 
"If, in addition, I depict said characters standing in front of a mirror, and one of those characters utters the phrase in reference, spoken or mental, to his or her own body or actions, may I be struck instantly dead with creeping jungle crotch rot."
 
shereads said:
Climactic expletives that are almost as unsexy as Jiminy God:


"Holy Goofy and Pluto!"

"Tinkerbell! Gipetto!"

"Yes, Senator Craig! YESSSS!"

"Jeeeezus, you're good...Let's try it in the same stall now."
Click to expand...
Damn. I'm going to have to take down three of my stories now :(
 
BlackShanglan said:
"If, in addition, I depict said characters standing in front of a mirror, and one of those characters utters the phrase in reference, spoken or mental, to his or her own body or actions, may I be struck instantly dead with creeping jungle crotch rot."
Click to expand...

Wake up, sleepyhead.
 
BlackShanglan said:
I'm up! I'm up! Quit tapping on my hoof with your foot from under the stall divider.
Click to expand...



"That's not my foot."

~ Sen. Craig
 
Too bad there wasn't a "Glory Hole" in that stall. I would have loved to hear the excuses. :D
 
Are we taking bets on when the first Sen. Craig Fanfic story will make the rounds? And will the writer be exempt from said restrictions?
 
On my honor or my story scores, whichever works, I do solemnly swear that I will never write a sex scene in which one or more participants, onlookers, vice cops or elected representatives to a governing body, in order to express surprise, shock, satisfaction, arousal, frustration or warning, or to request some toilet paper from the adjacent stall, or for any other purpose except to identify an actual person whose legal name is Jiminy God, utters the words, "Jiminy God."

If I break this solemn oath, may I be stricken with 1-bombs, genital warts of the face, televised outing on Dateline NBC, and a sexual compulsion so bizarre and degrading that the most desperate prostitutes refuse my money and beg me to seek psychiatric counseling.

I do so swear.

FallenMorgan

haha, first one to do that.
 
shereads said:
"That's not my foot."

~ Sen. Craig
Click to expand...

This evening the SO and I were discussing the Senator Craig arrest / story as we were waiting for a table for dinner. I then went on to (truly) accidentally kick the SO's foot under the table and was rewarded by the SO immediately doing a theatrical reach-down-under the table with a lewd wink. ;)
 
The good Senator is resigning his post effective 30 September.

Rumor is he's going to be the CEO of Porta-Potty. :D
 
TE999 said:
The good Senator is resigning his post effective 30 September.

Rumor is he's going to be the CEO of Porta-Potty. :D
Click to expand...
Oh is that baaaaad. You should be ashamed. I'm thinking a good paddling will be in order in about 6 weeks. ;)
 
S-Des said:
Oh is that baaaaad. You should be ashamed. I'm thinking a good paddling will be in order in about 6 weeks. ;)
Click to expand...

Promises, promises. ;)
 
BlackShanglan said:
This evening the SO and I were discussing the Senator Craig arrest / story as we were waiting for a table for dinner. I then went on to (truly) accidentally kick the SO's foot under the table and was rewarded by the SO immediately doing a theatrical reach-down-under the table with a lewd wink. ;)
Click to expand...

I'll bet you and your SO are at the forefront of a new era of Craig-inspired Bathroom Humor.

:D

Your restaurant setting is a nice variation. Smart, too, as there is bound to be tragic violence when the wrong homophobe finds himself the butt of a signal-beneath-the-partitian joke.

Tucker Carlson will probably fire the first shot.

Speaking out on The Other Fox News (MSNBC), definitely-not-gay Carlson made sure his viewers know that he and his definitely-not-gay friends are definitely not to be approached by gay men in restrooms, or else:

Tucker Carlson boasts of gay-bashing, leaving no doubt whatsoever of his not-gayness

Is that his real hair?
 
Last edited:
shereads said:
Posted on behalf of your readers.

Please repeat after me:

On my honor or my story scores, whichever works, I do solemnly swear that I will never write a sex scene in which one or more participants, onlookers, vice cops or elected representatives to a governing body, in order to express surprise, shock, satisfaction, arousal, frustration or warning, or to request some toilet paper from the adjacent stall, or for any other purpose except to identify an actual person whose legal name is Jiminy God, utters the words, "Jiminy God."

If I break this solemn oath, may I be stricken with 1-bombs, genital warts of the face, televised outing on Dateline NBC, and a sexual compulsion so bizarre and degrading that the most desperate prostitutes refuse my money and beg me to seek psychiatric counseling.

I do so swear.
Click to expand...
SlickTony
 
shereads said:
I knew we could count on you. It won't be easy, remaining true to the oath, but you can do it.
Click to expand...
Pshaw, it won't be that hard to not do something that wouldn't have occurred to me in the first place. Unless, of course, I succumb to the beans-in-your-ears syndrome.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top