The Player

[PassionatePatty]

I am shamelessly coping this from an email I had sent to someone and copied it from a website I can't recall. With it being SO easy to meet people thanks to the internet, we are more susceptible to meeting up with players.

Anyway, I would like feedback from both men and women and your thoughts. Guys and Gals: I want to address 2 areas of thought here:

Have you ever been a player? If so, are you still? Have you ever been caught and confronted? What did you do? Did you stop your playing ways or continue?

Have you ever been played? What did you do when you found out you had been played? Did you confront the player? If so, what happened? How long did it take to get over being played? Did you accept the player back after confronting them?

Additional comments and possible questions not considered here will greatly appreciated.

Now, the article:

Hi Hog,


You’re great! I don’t understand this whole dating thing. I was seeing this guy and he blew me off for another girl. (I know this because he lives close and I saw her walk out of his house one morning.) I didn’t even know we were done until this happened.




I was heart-broken for a while. But the whole time he was with her he would text me immediately after they were together, within the hour. I couldn’t take the games anymore so I didn’t respond. He’s back to texting me. Tell me why?

-R in Colorado



Hog's Relationship Advice:

You didn't know you were done because you weren't. Not in his mind. You and that other girl were concurrent. Simultaneous. Parallel partners.. Siamese Sex Twins. Schloppy Scheconds!

Why did this guy sha-boink that girl then immediately text you? Because he's a sensitive sweetheart! Even when he's still covered in some ho's crusty fun-dip, he's thinking of you! Awwww!

No. It's because he's a Player.



NOTE TO GIRLS WITH BOYFRIENDS: If your man falls asleep right after sex, don't be mad -- be happy! Because at least you know he isn't sending a text message to some other girl!



See, he was trying to live the dream: Sha-boinking different girls at one time.. Creating a harem of hotties. A gaggle of girls. Most guys want one of three things:

1 - a loyal relationship with an AMAZING woman

2 - a group of girls who satisfy his different needs depending on his mood

3 - a girl who loves him and will do anything for him even though he sleeps around



Wait, did I say guys want one of these things? I meant guys want ALL of these things!

But back here on Earth, guys usually don't get away with that. Unless they are a billionaire who lives in Saudi Arabia . Those Arab guys know how to LIVE!



NOTE: Except when they are blowing themselves up.

NOTE TO MY ARAB FANS: You know I'm just kidding!

NOTE TO IGNORANT PEOPLE: Not all Arabs are suicide-bombers. Some are cab drivers.

NOTE TO MY ARAB FANS: Where did you go? Come back! I was just kidding!



So what was this guy's mistake? Leading you on to believe that you and he were exclusive. Not cool. With a "Ladies Man" you KNOW you are not his one and only. And you can make a decision to be with him or not.



With a "Player" he DECEIVES you. So you think one thing is happening when really it's not. This is why women HATE players but are generally OK with a Ladies Man.



It's like this... say you are super-allergic to peanuts. A Ladies Man is a delicious dessert. A dessert that clearly has peanuts in it. You enjoy this dessert at your own risk. A Player is a dessert with peanuts but he tells you he is NOT made with peanuts. Then when you get an allergic outbreak, he shrugs his shoulders. The Player may even visit you in the hospital... but only so he can hit on the nurses.



If you look at humans as animals (and we are part-animal) men are genetically built to impregnate as many women as possible to increase the human population. Why do you think men can squirt out the special baby-making sauce even when they are old?

NOTE TO SELF: Eeew! Old-man baby-sauce!



Men are also built to compete. Only the strongest males get to impregnate the females. And apparently there are many strong males in the NBA.



FEMALES hold the power. You CHOOSE the most powerful male you can get. Because (on an animal level) you want the man with the strongest DNA so your baby has the best chance of surviving in this world.



This is why women are attracted to men they THINK are strong and capable of surviving. Who is this? A man who looks physically healthy: tall and in shape. A man who is in charge of other men. A leader. A man with money.



NOTE TO WUSSY-ARTIST-TYPE GUYS: You are the exception to the rule. You attract women who want to play the mothering role. And they will take care of you so long as keep looking sad and tortured. But if you get happy for even a second, they will leave you jolly ass!

While women are attracted to these powerful men (sometimes women confuse dangerous bad-boys for powerful men) many times they choose to SETTLE DOWN with a nice-guy who is not-so-powerful but she knows he is less likely to cheat. He will stay with her and the family. But who will she (be tempted to) cheat on him with? That's right. Screech from Saved by the Bell .

No. Of course not.



DUDES WHO GET MORE BOOTY THAN SCREECH

* the guy who played Urkel on Family Matters

* the guy from the Verizon Wireless commercials

* Venus Williams



If the girl cheats, it will most likely be with some tough-looking dude or some boss-type of guy she meets at the bar while on a business trip. Or Ted in Accounting. Damn you, Ted! Damn yoooooooooooo!



It's actually GREAT that you found out that he is making bang-bang with that other girl. Because it allows you to move on! Instead of wondering what's going on with him and blah blah blah, you KNOW what type of man he is. It sounds like you don't want to be with a two-timing dirtbag. Good for you! So don't be!



He's texting you? Whatever. You need to be NEXTING him!



Homey played himself. And now he'll have time to play with himself all he wants.

 

[PassionatePatty]

Time for a bump...

Yeah, we know players are out there.

We know people have been played.

I see a few have voted.

Would love to hear more from people on this.

 

[Pinktacokitty]

The playa.......... from my experiences the playa is usually the bad boy all the girls want, and he is usually the best in bed of all the guys..... Only one way to have a playa and not get hurt is to be better at the game....... only one way to get that way is to play the game.... Ya win some and ya lose some, becomes a learning experience, then after a while you become better at the game than the playa.

 

[imnauti]

Have you ever been played? What did you do when you found out you had been played? Did you confront the player? If so, what happened? How long did it take to get over being played? Did you accept the player back after confronting them?

Yes I've been played.
I didn't confront him, but the other woman did. (We found out when he left himself logged on to YIM at her house and forgot to log off when he left. I chatted with her for about an hour.)
It didn't take long at all to get over him..... I really wasn't that into him.
I did see him again once after he had been found out, He was a pretty cool guy, fun to hang out with. But he was shocked that I didn't want to sleep with him.

Now, the article:

So what was this guy's mistake? Leading you on to believe that you and he were exclusive. Not cool. With a "Ladies Man" you KNOW you are not his one and only. And you can make a decision to be with him or not.


With a "Player" he DECEIVES you. So you think one thing is happening when really it's not. This is why women HATE players but are generally OK with a Ladies Man.

This was the part that pissed me off the most, because I asked if he was seeing other people and he lied about it. The truth is we had only been dating 2 months and hadn't agreed to be exclusive. It was perfectly fine with me if he wanted to see other women, so long as he was up front about it. I was still dating other men.

 

[PassionatePatty]

The playa.......... from my experiences the playa is usually the bad boy all the girls want, and he is usually the best in bed of all the guys..... Only one way to have a playa and not get hurt is to be better at the game....... only one way to get that way is to play the game.... Ya win some and ya lose some, becomes a learning experience, then after a while you become better at the game than the playa.

Thanks for sharing your thoughts. I know this is a defensive mechanism, this trend is seen in my friends who have been played. It is either that or they lose all self-esteem as "how could I have been so stupid to have fallen for this???"...

We have to remember it isn't what people do TO us... it is how we respond!

Keep your integrity and sense of self-worth if you have been victim to a player. Eventually the right one will come along and do everything to prove they are NOT one!

 

[PassionatePatty]

Yes I've been played.
I didn't confront him, but the other woman did. (We found out when he left himself logged on to YIM at her house and forgot to log off when he left. I chatted with her for about an hour.)
It didn't take long at all to get over him..... I really wasn't that into him.
I did see him again once after he had been found out, He was a pretty cool guy, fun to hang out with. But he was shocked that I didn't want to sleep with him.



This was the part that pissed me off the most, because I asked if he was seeing other people and he lied about it. The truth is we had only been dating 2 months and hadn't agreed to be exclusive. It was perfectly fine with me if he wanted to see other women, so long as he was up front about it. I was still dating other men.

Now that guy had really, REALLY brass cajones!!! Talking to YOU on IM from HER home! WOW!!! He deserved to get caught.

Oh, you have spoken quite well! Yes, I have dated men who, right off from the beginning it was established that there were no strings attached, or just wanting to have a good time. But they always said they weren't seeing anyone else. So, you start to let your defenses down and figure, if he isn't then maybe we are becoming exclusive...

Until the text messages arrive on his phone while you are together and he says "she doesn't mean anything to me like that"... and then you realize he says that to HER about you! (I won't even say what those texts were about! )

 

[Pinktacokitty]

Thanks for sharing your thoughts. I know this is a defensive mechanism, this trend is seen in my friends who have been played. It is either that or they lose all self-esteem as "how could I have been so stupid to have fallen for this???"...

We have to remember it isn't what people do TO us... it is how we respond!

Keep your integrity and sense of self-worth if you have been victim to a player. Eventually the right one will come along and do everything to prove they are NOT one!

I have no problem with my self-worth or my confidence.....Playas are fun, but ya must be able to play the game as good as they do to have fun with them.....I am not into self pitty!!!!!!

 

[PassionatePatty]

I have no problem with my self-worth or my confidence.....Playas are fun, but ya must be able to play the game as good as they do to have fun with them.....I am not into self pitty!!!!!!

I didn't mean to imply you were doing that or anything else.

Just some people may not be able to do that.

Trust me, there are a few here on Lit who have been deeply hurt by players. So, I resurrected this thread in order to give them a chance to heal and feel encouraged in some way.

 

[Guest]

Just my 2 cents worth.

I think there are getting to be more and more players out there, both male and female.

The trouble is that (especially with the women), they never name these players. Oh they post blurts, and Dear Litsters and why they cried posts.... but they never name and shame, for whatever reason. Or very very rarely.

This does 2 things IMO

1. Tells the player he can now get away with whatever he can, whenever he can.

2. Ensures that more women will be hurt in the future.

Many of my friends on Lit have been played, and sworn me to secrecy. I even have one such case right now. But everyone always says 'karma', 'they'll get theirs'... but when one such player was playing 6 or 7 women, and telling each and every one they were the only one, and he loved them (while getting insanely jealous if they even spoke to another male on the board), none of them named him in public, even after I uncovered him... apart from one brave soul who posted a long post aimed at him.

 

[Guest]

I have no problem with my self-worth or my confidence.....Playas are fun, but ya must be able to play the game as good as they do to have fun with them.....I am not into self pitty!!!!!!

So... in other words.... you're a player...

Not everyone is the same. Some people can fuck around with no jealousy, and some people can't. If you have no conscience and no self-pity it helps I think.

But when someone tells you they love you and are the only one, while doing it to at least one other.... it's not nice.

 

[PassionatePatty]

Just my 2 cents worth.

I think there are getting to be more and more players out there, both male and female.

The trouble is that (especially with the women), they never name these players. Oh they post blurts, and Dear Litsters and why they cried posts.... but they never name and shame, for whatever reason. Or very very rarely.

This does 2 things IMO

1. Tells the player he can now get away with whatever he can, whenever he can.

2. Ensures that more women will be hurt in the future.

Many of my friends on Lit have been played, and sworn me to secrecy. I even have one such case right now. But everyone always says 'karma', 'they'll get theirs'... but when one such player was playing 6 or 7 women, and telling each and every one they were the only one, and he loved them (while getting insanely jealous if they even spoke to another male on the board), none of them named him in public, even after I uncovered him... apart from one brave soul who posted a long post aimed at him.

Oh, DB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thank you for your post. It isn't just Lit though. My reference involved a man I knew from offline...

But I do agree, if there is someone playing here on Lit, that is truly PLAYER type behavior, I think the women should speak up.

Sad thing is, some of the players come back with different names... so you don't know right away!

Thanks for posting!

 

[PassionatePatty]

So... in other words.... you're a player...

Not everyone is the same. Some people can fuck around with no jealousy, and some people can't. If you have no conscience and no self-pity it helps I think.

But when someone tells you they love you and are the only one, while doing it to at least one other.... it's not nice.

Again, very true.

Thanks, DB.

 

[Pinktacokitty]

So... in other words.... you're a player...

Not everyone is the same. Some people can fuck around with no jealousy, and some people can't. If you have no conscience and no self-pity it helps I think.

But when someone tells you they love you and are the only one, while doing it to at least one other.... it's not nice.

I understand some girls get hurt by playas, I did one time, but instead of self pitty I learned the game..... People knock me down I get up and learn how to avoid the same mistake.

I am young, have been told I am kind of hot, and not in an exclusive relationship at this time. I do not consider myself a playa, but I do play the field, I do sleep with more than one guy at this time, but do not use the L word. They know I am not exclusive to them. If that is your definition of playa then I am one.

I have never told any guy I love them unless it was true and exclusive to him. I am what I am and do not try to be anything different.

 

[availableslave2u]

it's no big secret that i was played

 

[PassionatePatty]

it's no big secret that i was played

I know, hon... but you have healed well, and I am glad you have!