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Guest
Guest
I remember how my heart stopped pounding when you told me how long you had wanted me. Your words filtering through the years of mental abuse I had endured, and made me feel so alive. I wasn’t sure if I should trust you, it all seemed too good to believe. A dream that had come true, taking my breath away so suddenly, it is still hard to believe. I had wanted you for so long, and now you were right there. My body shivered with the sound of your voice, it was amazing to me and I felt for some reason as if I had never heard another voice before.
You melt me, and then molded me into what you needed me to be for you. I complied, even after warning myself that I shouldn’t. My doubts and fears I pushed away because I wanted to trust someone so badly that it hurt. I wanted to believe all the wonderful things you said to me....
“We should wait!!!” we both echoed at the same time and not long after we were caught up in the heat of passion that blazed deep from within our souls. Your moans of pleasure taking me to a height of ecstasy that I hadn’t reached in so long...again I pushed away my fears, just to be able to experience that with you.
The way you made me laugh as if I had never laughed before….
The way you made me feel, as if my skin was on fire….
The way your voice calmed me, making me believe in you and all that you said to me.
You knew my fears of reputation, the importance of those who were finally accepting me without judgment. Those fears voiced, and then lost in the passion your moans commanded from me. I thought you were different, and I felt such a strong connection to you. I could have loved you so deeply if given the word to do so. You didn’t want to hurt anyone else; I didn’t want to hurt myself in the process. “Shhh Little One, relax, no worries!” your words whispered, your imaginary finger over my lips.
More and more I believed that you would come to me, you spoke of being in my arms, my bed. You had me believe that yes, you were eventually coming to me. All my hopes and dreams began to revolve around this man who suddenly appeared and enchanted me. I knew I was falling too fast, but the connection I felt was so strong I could not help myself. I needed you, I wanted you, I lusted for you….
You acted as if you loved it, every moment with me. You swore I was different, you felt something with me you didn’t understand. A strong lust filled pull, an attraction beyond all other attractions. And again I believed your sweet words, melted from them and continued to give myself to you.
Then everything started to change in just a short matter of time, you vanished often before we got the chance to talk. The other woman began teasing my mind with what I thought were lies of you. Your own words told me, “Shh Little One, relax, no worries, no worries!” Not to believe her words for she was not stable, and could not be trusted. She wanted you back into her life, and would not stop at nothing to get you. My fears returned full force however and I began to panic. Your stress grew intensely, confusion set in for both of us and tears stung my eyes as I tried to hold onto you desperately. Yet she kept pushing me and I could not handle it any more so I wrote you, told you how I felt.
Told you everything needed to be settled for piece of mind. I begged you to talk to me, to call me if you retained even the slightest bit of feelings for me through all that we had done together. I sit here waiting, hoping the reason I have not heard from you is because you are settling things with the other and then finding your way back to me. Even I know however that, that is probably a just a dream in my mind that will not come true. Still I wait and hope that what I fear will not come to be….
I made the perfect target you see, I can only be silent and wait in the shadows. I can not voice what happened because then those who I have redeemed myself with would once again cast me away. I can not voice what happened because then you too would cast me away in anger. I do not let my tears fall just yet, but my heart has already shattered to the floor, I still hope that you will come and piece it back together. Yet, I have been abandoned once again it feels like, and I have been made a fool, a perfect target…..
So in the shadows I sit and I wait….
©m/d/m/9/14/02
You melt me, and then molded me into what you needed me to be for you. I complied, even after warning myself that I shouldn’t. My doubts and fears I pushed away because I wanted to trust someone so badly that it hurt. I wanted to believe all the wonderful things you said to me....
“We should wait!!!” we both echoed at the same time and not long after we were caught up in the heat of passion that blazed deep from within our souls. Your moans of pleasure taking me to a height of ecstasy that I hadn’t reached in so long...again I pushed away my fears, just to be able to experience that with you.
The way you made me laugh as if I had never laughed before….
The way you made me feel, as if my skin was on fire….
The way your voice calmed me, making me believe in you and all that you said to me.
You knew my fears of reputation, the importance of those who were finally accepting me without judgment. Those fears voiced, and then lost in the passion your moans commanded from me. I thought you were different, and I felt such a strong connection to you. I could have loved you so deeply if given the word to do so. You didn’t want to hurt anyone else; I didn’t want to hurt myself in the process. “Shhh Little One, relax, no worries!” your words whispered, your imaginary finger over my lips.
More and more I believed that you would come to me, you spoke of being in my arms, my bed. You had me believe that yes, you were eventually coming to me. All my hopes and dreams began to revolve around this man who suddenly appeared and enchanted me. I knew I was falling too fast, but the connection I felt was so strong I could not help myself. I needed you, I wanted you, I lusted for you….
You acted as if you loved it, every moment with me. You swore I was different, you felt something with me you didn’t understand. A strong lust filled pull, an attraction beyond all other attractions. And again I believed your sweet words, melted from them and continued to give myself to you.
Then everything started to change in just a short matter of time, you vanished often before we got the chance to talk. The other woman began teasing my mind with what I thought were lies of you. Your own words told me, “Shh Little One, relax, no worries, no worries!” Not to believe her words for she was not stable, and could not be trusted. She wanted you back into her life, and would not stop at nothing to get you. My fears returned full force however and I began to panic. Your stress grew intensely, confusion set in for both of us and tears stung my eyes as I tried to hold onto you desperately. Yet she kept pushing me and I could not handle it any more so I wrote you, told you how I felt.
Told you everything needed to be settled for piece of mind. I begged you to talk to me, to call me if you retained even the slightest bit of feelings for me through all that we had done together. I sit here waiting, hoping the reason I have not heard from you is because you are settling things with the other and then finding your way back to me. Even I know however that, that is probably a just a dream in my mind that will not come true. Still I wait and hope that what I fear will not come to be….
I made the perfect target you see, I can only be silent and wait in the shadows. I can not voice what happened because then those who I have redeemed myself with would once again cast me away. I can not voice what happened because then you too would cast me away in anger. I do not let my tears fall just yet, but my heart has already shattered to the floor, I still hope that you will come and piece it back together. Yet, I have been abandoned once again it feels like, and I have been made a fool, a perfect target…..
So in the shadows I sit and I wait….
©m/d/m/9/14/02
