'The Onion' Buys Up 'InfoWars' from the Bankrupt Alex Jones. LOL!

[Bray123]

https://theonion.com/heres-why-i-decided-to-buy-infowars/

InfoWars has distinguished itself as an invaluable tool for brainwashing and controlling the masses. With a shrewd mix of delusional paranoia and dubious anti-aging nutrition hacks, they strive to make life both scarier and longer for everyone, a commendable goal. They are a true unicorn, capable of simultaneously inspiring public support for billionaires and stoking outrage at an inept federal state that can assassinate JFK but can’t even put a man on the Moon.

Through it all, InfoWars has shown an unswerving commitment to manufacturing anger and radicalizing the most vulnerable members of society—values that resonate deeply with all of us at Global Tetrahedron.

What’s next for InfoWars remains a live issue. The excess funds initially allocated for the purchase will be reinvested into our philanthropic efforts that include business school scholarships for promising cult leaders, a charity that donates elections to at-risk third world dictators, and a new pro bono program pairing orphans with stable factory jobs at no cost to the factories.

As for the vitamins and supplements, we are halting their sale immediately. Utilitarian logic dictates that if we can extend even one CEO’s life by 10 minutes, diluting these miracle elixirs for public consumption is an unethical waste. Instead, we plan to collect the entire stock of the InfoWars warehouses into a large vat and boil the contents down into a single candy bar–sized omnivitamin that one executive (I will not name names) may eat in order to increase his power and perhaps become immortal.

All will be revealed in due time. For now, let’s enjoy this win and toast to the continued consolidation of power and capital.

 

[Lazaran]

The ultimate burn / troll.

I can’t wait to see what they do with it.

 

[SubzeroGirl]

All the toxins released from boiling his vitamins could be an environmental disaster. Send it up in a Bezos rocket so they will never return.

 

[HumpDayHoratio]

They might consider helping msdnc and the Oprah. Looks like Comcast is unloading yesterdays fish…

 

[Bray123]

This makes Jones available to be the WH press secretary.

Jus' Sayin'.

 

[butters]

https://www.msn.com/en-us/money/com...p&cvid=1121c2d092a243c3850270e732ddb744&ei=19

“I just got word 15 minutes ago that my lawyers and folks met with the U.S. trustee over our bankruptcy this morning and they said they are shutting us down even without a court order this morning,” Jones said.

“I don’t know what’s going to happen, but I’m going to be here until they come and turn the lights off,” he added.

The Onion plans to shutter Jones’ Infowars and rebuild the website featuring well-known internet humor writers and content creators, according to a person with knowledge of the sale. About an hour and a half after the announcement of the sale, Infowars' website was shut down.

 

[butters]

“Our clients knew that true accountability meant an end to Infowars and an end to Jones’ ability to spread lies, pain and fear at scale,” Chris Mattei, attorney for the Connecticut families, said in a statement. “By divesting Jones of Infowars’ assets, the families and the team at The Onion have done a public service and will meaningfully hinder Jones’ ability to do more harm.”

The anti-violence organization Everytown for Gun Safety said it will be the exclusive advertiser in The Onion’s new venture as part of a multiyear agreement.

more hearts

https://www.msn.com/en-us/money/com...p&cvid=1121c2d092a243c3850270e732ddb744&ei=19

 

[RoryN]

Alex Jones is one of the most loathsome human beings on the planet.

He's also, in multiple aspects, the poster child for a fatal heart attack.

The fact that he hasn't had a widow-maker by now is proof that God doesn't exist. (Or, damning commentary regarding God if he does.)

 

[SevMax2]

The only difference between The Onion and InfoWars is that the former is fiction intended as satire and the latter is fiction cosplaying as news. The potential for spoofs is quite insane. I look forward to the results.

 

[DeluxAuto]

I hope they keep the domain and look and feel if the original site so they can troll the uninformed MAGAts even more with nuttier click bait articles.

 

[TheLobster]

Good thing Babylon Bee is doing well, or The Onion could be accused by FTC of trying to create monopoly by buying up direct competition!

 

[Politruk]

That rumor about Trump tapping Jones for WH Press Secretary -- did that start with the Onion?

 

[HumpDayHoratio]

Looks like the worm is turning? I don’t have a dog in this fight, but it seems the Onion may have acquired InfoWars illegally?