The new night hunters

[goingforbroke]

This is an rpg set in the style of the ghostbusters or evil dead. Of both comedy and horror and a fair share of the erotic.

Introduction:
Jonathan Darken
Age: 25
Height: 6'5"
Weight: 200lbs

I was unemployed and pretty much loving every second of it. I mean all I had to do was watch tv and make nachos. Sometimes I would exercise just to stay in shape but it was a relaxed pace. The thing I did not like was the look of my checking account and the constant calls from my mother about how I was a no good bum. That and no women wants a man who has no steady cash flow.
At this time I had gotten both the complete dvd sets of buffy vampire slayer and angel. It was during a 24 hour marathon watching of the bouncy vampire slayer that I realized my calling in life.
After a run in with my long dead great grandmother when I was 12 I had believed in the supernatural why not turn it into a living. Surely there was plenty of evil spirits and demons who needed there assess kicked right back to whatever pit they crawled from.
Then I started working out more and taking karate classes. Any free time I had was spent studying up on the occult. But still something was missing what could it be? Then it hit me both buffy and Angel had a team to back them up when things got rough. What I needed was some friends who were interested in fighting the forces of darkness to save all mankind and getting paid while doing it.

 

[goingforbroke]

Case 1

I could not contain my enthusiam when I got the first phonecall speaking of a supernatural case. I punched the wall in exitemart hard enough to drop a novelty cookie jar that I couldnt remember how the hell I got to the floor. My informant the caretaker for the local cemetary told how some bodies had gone missing. Usually this meant some kids with a prank but he said he never saw anything quite like it. They seemed to have been clawed out of the earth by some large animal although he was at a lost to say what. Jumping in my old beatup car I quickly made my way for the cematary. Even if it was a hoax it promised some exitment for the evening instead of my usual praying for an act of god to make buffy summers shirt become see through or trying to find out what kind of sandwhich could be made from bread, whipcream and half a bag of dorritos.
All these thoughts going through my head I failed to realise that I was going 20 miles over the speed limit and what had once been a clear stretch of highway had aquired a lightshow. I pulled over to the side of the road and cursed my inability to multi task. The cop marched up to the car suprisingly without that self confident swagger of a person above the law. Instead it was a bee line and before I knew it I was staring down the barrel of a shotgun.

 

[Screech]

ooc: could be insteresting. Here's my entry

Name: Jack Malone
Age: 172
Height: 5' 10"
Weight: 179lbs

ic: Old Jack Malone. That's what everyone called him in their storeis. And they were never good stories either. Always ones about how he would rise out of the ground to eat the children wo stayed up after midnight and such like. Complete rubbish! And what was worse, Jack couldn't think of anything he'd done to warrent such a reputation!

Well, apart from being dead, that is. How long had it been now? 140? maybe even 150 years? He couldn't remember. When you get as old as he, you start to measure time by how many bits you got left. And in Jack's case, it was 3 fingers on his left hand, and no right foot - just a block of wood he had nailed onto the stump so he could still walk. Well, sort of anyway.

Jack was braught out of his daydream by the wail of sirens, and two cars close to each other on the road. One man was moving, from this distance he couldn't tell who, and carried something in his hand. Jack decided to get up and wander closer. Whoever it was, if they proved to be violent, Jack would just have to teach them exactly why people feared the legends of the zombies.

Or, at least, scare him stupid....

 

[goingforbroke]

I was trying to think of a plan but all that it consisted of currently was not losing control of bladder functions. Though you may prepare and prepare for violent situations it never truly comes home untill your face to face with death. When suddenly the police officer was distracted by something and swiveled his gun. I quickly through open my car door hard enough to knock the man sprawling and his gun to drop neatly within arms reach. I realized that the gun landing where it did probably just violated several laws of physics and that sir Issac Newton was probably looking down from heaven in abject horror.
At this point none of that mattered now as I picked it up and leveled it on my attacker. I got my first good look of the officer who appeared to be in his late fortys he still had the corpse of a cigarette in his teeth and looked at me with a very detached expression. Almost as if he was watching a particularly boring movie and not calculating the possibilty of buck shot brain surgery.
Though suddenly I heard the thump of wood on assphault and my eyes glanced over to see what looked like a cariacture of a man now long dead. Missing several crucial body parts including what a healthy human being requires to do the fun activities of breathing and digestion. This made me quickly reassess my choice of target and aim the gun at the newly approaching monstrosity.

 

[Screech]

Jack's 'plan' had worked. The man with the gun (now identifiable as a police officer) had been knocked sprawling by the man in the car who, by some fortuitous twist of fate and the laws of physics, now held the gun and had it aimed at the officer.

This was turning out to be a tad more interesting than sitting on his bum, even if it was only about half the size it used to be. So Jack moved forward to get a better view. In hindsight it was a bit of a silly thing to do, as Jack soon found the gun (now identifiable as a double-barreled shotgun) pointed in his direction. Herdly supprising really as even in this poor light, the hole where his right lung used to be was a bit of a giveaway that he wasn't exacly living.

Jack stopped and raised his hands. He tried to calm the man, even though his raspy voice probably didn't help. "Woah! Woah! Point that boomstic someplace else please! I'm not gonna eat yer brain or nuthin! Plus I rather like my head where it is right now"

 

[Ithica]

occ: I like where this is going. This is my first posting, so help is appreciated.

Name: Eva Ramsey
Age: 24
Height: 5’9”
Hair: Brown
Eyes: Blue

Things could be worse. I quit another job. It doesn’t mean anything, so I can’t keep a job for more than three months. If they weren’t completely lame maybe things would be different. If I had to deal with one more bitchy customer, I swear I would have jumped over the counter and drop kicked them. If I could just get angry enough I’m sure I could pull a “Carrie” and take out the whole place.

Catching sight of the police car, I slowed down for the customary gocking and saw the freakiest thing ever. More than walking in on a fifty-year-old guy trying on a thong freaky. I saw a cop on the ground, a man with a gun, and some funny looking guy that looked like he'd been shot… a couple of times.

But with my attention momentarily pulled away from the road and focused on the gun-wielding maniac, my car ran off the road and hit a tree.

 

[goingforbroke]

OOC: Aways appreciate new commers of all types and states of living

IC: Appently the zombie was trying to placate me and this was the first zombie that had ever raised its hands and spoken to me I was taken aback. This is usually where that man in the suit would talk about how they were going to mess with your brain this time on the twilight zone. Since the zombie at the moment seemed more likely to decompose on me then eat me I lowered my gun.
At this moment in time a vehicle did a wonderful immitation of the hindenburgh right into a tree. Someone was cussing at the top of there lungs apparently calling me a deranged lunatic and insinuating that I should make use of the bush and intercourse myself. I may have been paraphrasing as it was half offset by my awe of the zombie who apparently still had the ability to point and laugh.
I am not exactly a dumb person most of my highschool math class would love to debate this. But then when a single squiggly line means a thousand different things I think a nervous breakdown was appropriate. That having been said this was making my head hurt. I had been conditoned by every pop culture outlet to make zombies into little small quivering bits and save the damsel in distress. Now I was more afraid of the lady and strongly considereding throwing the zombie at her and letting them tussel it out.
But before I had any time to react I found myself bouncing off the windshield of a black sedan. In fact if it was not for my in depth analysis of the motion of slinkys I would have probably broken something. Four men stepped out of the sedan each holding hand cannons. "Now everyone please line up against the car or someone is going to be quivering intestines?"
I would have attempted to say something but currently my nose was doing its best to crawl back into my brain.

 

[Ithica]

IC: This night just keeps getting longer and I may need to redefine my criteria for weird. I just finished my temporary bout, who am I kidding, I mean my current bout with Tourette’s when the guy doing his best Swiss cheese impression, was laughing at me. I was going to tear a strip off of him for participating in the obviously in bad taste practical joke. It had to be a joke that guy was still standing and all holey, and I don’t mean in the religious sense. But then I had to laugh and not because I had regained my sense of humor but because Rambo over there bounced off the sedan. Karma must be working faster these days. Now that I think about it, maybe I shouldn’t be laughing.

In the middle of nowhere one gun-toting baboon is enough but things start to get ridiculous when the rest of the troop shows up. I was starting feel underdressed and if I’d known this was going to turn into an NRA meeting I would have brought my own gun. What the hell is going on? Maybe it’s my brand new concussion talking but those guys in the Sedan arrived a little to fast for the FBI and too slow for the mob.

Not wanting to get better acquainted with my intestines, seeing how I could see some of Swiss cheese guy’s. I lined up against the Sedan with the unarmed road kill and the Stinky cheese guy who smelled like he'd been decomposing for a while. I said, “I don’t mean to be the hygiene police and I don’t know what dead cats you’ve been feeding him but your friend is kind of ripe can you trade me spots. It's the least you could do for getting me into this mess.” But the guy looked like he was in a large amount of pain, being road kill it’s understandable and I wanted to kick him, so I turned to the guy frisking me and said “There are only so many seats in the car and there are seven of us now, eight including the cop, if you are going to put me in the trunk with Stinky, please strap me on the hood, I’m sure I’ve got some straps in my car or you could come back for me I promise I’ll wait; I swear to god I’ll wait.”

 

[Screech]

Ok. Things were going real fast now. Not a few seconds after the (ex) copper had been downed, another car had decided to get up close and personal with a tree as several miles an hour. Of course, on it's own, this event would have been shocking, but combined with everything that had happened earlier, Jack couldn't help but laugh until his sides split. Not that it took that long....

Next thing he knew, the man was lining the hood of a black sedan, and the ex-cop was lining a couple of it's wheels. What's more, several men in dark suits and guns had ordered all three of them to line up against the sedan for a frisking.

The woman who had just arrived was making several comments about Jack's aroma which, to be perfectly honest, he had been cultivating for many years now and had gotten quite used to. Funnily enough, so had a number of rats that he found he often had to beat off with a stick.

When it was his turn to be frisked, Jack turned around. "Hey now pally. I ain't got nothin' to hide, so can you skip the frisk?" The man growled for him to turn back around and get back in line. Jack thaught that these goons would be quite stubborn. "Look pal. I just don't want anoyone to catch anything... fatal, y'know? So why don't you jus.."

Dang. Didn't get to finish the sentance. The guy levelled his hand cannon at Jack's chest and let rip. Jack, of course, slammed back into the sedan, before toppling forward. Normally, for anyone who still required all their internal organs, that would be that. Thankfully, Jack didn't need those ribs that badly anyway. He caughed as he pushed himself up ontohis knees. "Now that wern't very neighbourly..."

 

[goingforbroke]

Well I would gladly change my current condition with the headache I had a moment earlier. Then at least I was analising the surounding contryside and not the repaving job. Although I must say say this is the first time I was face down on concrete when sober.
The people were lining up against the car at the behest of the men in black suits. This was probably the wrong time for the men in black theme song to go running through my head. But it was better then concentrating on what had been road kill on this section of highway before. Then I heard the sharp crack of a gunshot and then a zombie crashed to the ground right beside me. I briefly wandered if he eat the last piece of roadkill but then my senseis voice came screaming through my head.
I swept my legs around knocking the nearest black suited individual to the ground. Then I flipped to my back and attempted to kip up. I should have known this wouldn't work and ended up back on the ground but at least the scenary had changed now I had a gun pointed in face. I kicked up and knocked the gun to the side and prayed that one of my my new cohorts was a karate master or perferably had fire breath.

 

[Ithica]

Belly Dancing or Kick Boxing

With two of the men down, the last two men came running up and were pointing their guns at the troublemaker. I stepped up Jackie Chan'd their asses. I grabbed their guns and pointed them out. I kicked the first one in the balls and while he was incapacitated, I grabbed the remaining man and threw myself back with one foot on his stomach. Using his weight to keep him moving over my head, he did a kind of reverse belly flop on the concrete that knocked the wind out of him and left me with the gun. The remaining man, who may now be incapable of having children, was still standing but doubled up so I grabbed his head and smashed it into my knee. At a time like this I’m very grateful for the choices I’ve made in the past and the one that sticks out in my head is should I take belly dancing or kick boxing. Guess which one I chose.

Maybe it was the concussion or maybe somebody slipped something into the Pina Colada I had after work but Stinky seemed the likely candidate for the extra gun. I believe I am in shock and my sense of reason will someday catch up but for now I choose not to question why that guy with all the holes in him is still standing. I pointed my remaining gun at the last armed man and told him to drop it.

“I think we should tie them up and throw them into the back of the cop car. Then I guess the only thing left to decide is your car or theirs.”

 

[goingforbroke]

I managed to make my way to my feet just as this lady preceeds to beat the two black dressed men to a pulp. I was now embarassed by the fighting skills I demonstrated and kicked one of the downed ones for good measure. At this moment a saying from an informercial popped into my head. She slices, She dices, and she makes julian fries.
The strange lady was now holding them at gunpoint although I cant say I trust her with a gun as I think she may be unbalanced. I was not about to question this lady and quickly began tieing up the guards. Once upon a time I had been a boyscout long enough for me to be tied upside down from a tree. When your untiying yourself you learn some things about knots. I was fairly sure they would not be escaping any time soon. Of course I was fairly sure that I wouldnt be doing vehical acrobatics today and I was proven terribly wrong.
Next thing I knew one of the three men in black seemed to shed his skin. Inside was a robotic creature that was made out of slender metalic beams with a large micowave like head. At this point I was unsure wether to scream or make cheese fondu. The energy blast the creature emitted from its head answered that question. I dove for cover behind the sedan and began to make a list of deities I was in favor with.
The phrase "god helps those who help themselves" was very disheartening at this point. So I took the next rational case and began catologing my knowledge of robots. Since this one wasnt spouting "danger will robinson" or beep boop beep I was pretty much coming up dry. Thinking of no better Idea I picked up a rock and hurled it at the creature. It crashed into its face and made it step back a minute before reorienting on me. One more beam and the sedan evaporated for some reason it smelled pine fresh in the process. I was on my feet and running looking over my shoulder to see if the girl or our zombified friend needed my aid. Although I could not think of anything to save myself except that If I ever found the inventor of the microwave I was going to punch him in the face.

 

[Screech]

Woah! Total wierdness! Today was turning into an episode from the Twilight Zone! And that was saying something coming from the living dead. Mr vehicle acrobatics and miss crazy parking had just proceded to knock all hell out of the men in black while Jack had been climbing back to his feet. And now, one of the men had just turned out to be a robot with laser vision! Ok, it didn't look like a clanker, but it's head did give it a comical look.

Just so happened that Jack had a certain book on him. How to survive a robot invasion. Seemed stupid at the time to have the pocket-sized book, but Jack was thanking his lucky stars he had it now! Of course, he had a habbit of finding things that turned out to be useful later.

Quickly flipping through to the section on How to defeat a robot, it mentioned something about weak spots and stuff. This gave him an idea!. Pulling off his wooden foot, he shoved the roboman to get it's attention. It worked. The machine turned around and it's face screen lit up slightly. Who knows what it was thinking? Was it trying to compute how much danger a guy with more holes than anyone living was? Was it just going to disintergrate him? Well, as it was, it didn't have to compue for long. The nice, solid, and slightly gunky lump of wood forced itsself (helped of course by Jack's hand) inside the robot's face. Thankfully, the robot toppled over and sparked a bit. Probably wasn't going to get back up.

Jack grinned to himself. "Modern art! Great!!"

 

[Ithica]

I was just starting to feel good about the situation and then all the badness with the robots and the disappearing car. Then Stinky turned one of the robots into modern art and I don’t care what the critics say because it is the best work I’ve ever seen and it makes me happy. I think I will use Stinky as a shield, in other words hide behind him. He looks like he’s had a worse night than I’ve had and he’s still standing which is encouraging. I should get his name or start calling him the Energizer Bunny.

“I must have died when my car crashed. The tree fell on me and I died; that’s the only logical explanation for this. Or maybe I’m sleeping.”

If I’m sleeping maybe my aim has improved. I was kind of worried that the three men on the ground would turn into robots as well, so I started firing my gun at them
And I didn’t hit a thing. At least I didn’t hit Road kill boy. Which is all very discouraging because that must mean I’m not sleeping; I’m dead.
Ok, so I know how to kick the crap out of people it doesn’t mean I should be able to know how to fire a gun and hit the broad side of a barn. I’m not the Terminator but one of those guys might be. I think it’s time to run and drag my questionably human shield with me.

 

[goingforbroke]

Well things keep getting weirder by the minute as I just so the zombie dismantle the robot. Then the lady just started shooting apparently randomly. I attempted to slow down my addrenaline flow by thinking of nursery rymes and golf. After I was once again thinking calmy or as calmly as I can with a zombie and a crazy girl with a gun. I realized these may be the best people in the world to help me with the job that needed doing.
Noticing not alot of action from the three morticians and since the girl had stopped shooting I approached. It turned out they had died possibly of severe shock due to the torrent of lead and lazer beams launched in there general direction. I found one of there wallets and looked inside John Smith upon further investigation they were all three named John Smith. Either Mama and Papa smith were not creative or we got some phony I.D.s. Each of them also carried a small chip that looked like it belonged in a computer.
I stood back up and felt every inch of my spine crack. Sometimes you become aware of every molecule in your body these are usually the times there is something wrong with 90% of them. In my case it felt as if my bone structure had been reduced to the consistency of jello instant pudding.
My only idea with what to do with the enties formaly known as the men in black was to shove them in there own trunk and get out of here. I know it was a crappy plan but the number of times I had my head impacted today It was remarkable I wasnt singing the theme from its a small world after all.
As soon as the last one uncomfortable floped into the back of the black sedan. I headed for my dodge all my intent on fleeing the scene of the insanity. But upon realizing that the other two were down a similar creek. "Hey you two up for a graveyard treck. We might even find elvis and be graced with a little heartbreak hotel."

 

[goingforbroke]

Part 2 the Cemetary

OOC: I wont be back untill sunday night

We all piled into the back of my old dodge. It settled deeply under the weight and I think only my prayers and ducktape was holding this thing together. I took off as fast I could desperate to get as much range between me and the sight of the accident. It wasnt long untill I saw a familiar sight through my rearview mirror. That police car was keeping its distance but definately following us. I wasnt exactly a stunt driver and this car could probably only stand one stunt. So I didnt even chance losing the pursuit.
The graveyard itself was several miles out of town. It looked like the kind of place that was every horror writers wet dream. A perfectly secluded graveyard with an equally creepy grave keeper. He was currently shambling out of his shack and giving us the once over. He was showing his age with deep wrinkles and looking like the beginning of cataracts on his eyes. Currently armed with a pitchfork plus a very evil glare that looks like he was currently imagining squishing us and droping us neatly into those holes. I walked out in my most self assured manner in retrospect it kind of looked like an injured penguin. "Hi Eddy been a long time" Eddy smiled openly showing the teeth he had pulled himself. "Sure has Jonny boy come back here I got sometin to show yeh." I followed the man as he moved with a speed that seemed inhuman in his aged body. He led my quickly to the excavated graves. My previous theory of mutant gopher was quickly disproved by the sheer size of the wholes. It wasnt one for each grave but a trench torn into the very earth. With a quick calculation I was pretty sure I could hide the oscar meyer weiny mobile in this thing.
Suddenly I heard a bullet richoet off a tombstone and hurled myself for cover. This caused me to clip a tombstone and to stick a good willy coyote impression for the landing. But at leat I was out of the line of fire and staring a long dead person in the face. It was not our friendly neighborhood zombie but another one of the way to mobile dead. They were fast moving and were armed zombies when I get home I am burning my zombie movies as they lied to me.

 

[Screech]

Jack had followed every direction from getting into the beat up dodge, to wandering through a graveyard. True, it's not the first time he's been to a graveyard, and true, he has looked at one from the *other* angle before, but still. Late at night, creepy gravekeeper, and that wierd raven that kept giving him the eye... altogether slightly wierder than the last time he'd visited one.

He looked at the massive trench they had all been led to. Sure some big nasty had been digging up snacks. Either that, or some ruthless corporation with a mechanical digger wanted more ingrediants for their fast food chains. Of course, logically, it had to be the former. Now luckilly (or unluckilly depending on your viewpoint), Jack had a somewhat intimate knowledge of hellspawned beasties. Guess it helps when you spent a short time there on someone's cruel idea of a time release program.

He whistled. Ok, not so much a whistle as a blow-air-through-the-holes-in-your-face thing. Jack had an idea on who or what might be responsable for this. "Y'know, this sorta thing seems a mite familiar. Probably the work of a gehkahhoooo" Ok. Now jack was sure that last word didn't come out right. Feeling his jaw, he found out why. Someone had riccoched a bulled off of a tombestone and into his jaw, thusly dislodging it. Sometimes it really sucked being the living dead.

Now a tad angrier than he was before, Jack turned to notice that there were several more zombies shuffling toward him and his two still living compatriots. Way to go and spoil the franchise guys! I mean, these bonebags didn't even have his level of class! Dispicable! It's gun-toting murderous zombies like this that give the rest of the living impared a bad name!

Something else then occured to Jack, as a couple more bullets ledged temselves into his spleen (not that it was much use now anyway). The two he was here with probably had little to no experience of zombies - exculding his charming self, of course, and wouldn't have much of an idea on how to deal with them. Of course, Jack would tell them that you just gotta de-limb them and they're prety much harmless, but he was havinga bit of a problem getting his jaw to work again....

 

[Ithica]

OOC: Classes are ending and Finals are next, so I may not post regularly for the next couple of weeks.

IC: Hiding behind a tombstone, I took a look around to see where Jack and Jonathan went. I couldn't see Jonathan and Jack looked like he had been shot. I wasn't really worried about him seeing how this isn't the first time he had been shot tonight. After dealing with speed bump cops and the attacking robot, I figured that going to the graveyard would be a walk in the park and I didn't want to stick around to see what else jumped up at the scene of my accident. But getting to the graveyard we were attacked by zombie's with guns, I hope that some kind of explaination is going to become clear because what do strange cops, robots dressed as men, and zombie's with guns have in common. Besides who would supply zombie's with guns. Maybe the robots didn't work out and someone is making a zombie army but then why isn't Jack in on it. Maybe it's because he doesn't seem to do the duck, cover, and avoid the bullets very well.

And now that I'm thinking about it what about my car? I left it where who ever is running the robot will find it and does that mean that they will be able to track me down. Or what if the cops find it first and come around asking some uncomfortable questions and I get thrown into a looney bin. If that's the case I'm taking these two down with me. But maybe I should just focus on trying to get out of this new mess because I've got nothing.

 

[goingforbroke]

I had just seen Jack take a bullet into his jaw and he only looked aggitated. Of course most of the nessacary facial anatomy to look agitated had disenegrated I still got the distinct impression of being irked. If I had just gotten metal slug dental surgery I would probably be dead but even If I wasnt I would be worried. But no time at the moment to dwell on the zombies emotional state I had at leat four others that were getting things off there chest by trying to blow a crater in mine.
I slouched lower behind my tomb stone as one began to approach looking for a clear shot with his .38 revolver. As soon as he stumbled over a grave marker I lunged up and ripped the gun from his hand. Changing the aim I empytied four shots into his head. Hoping that resident evil was correct as the zombie fell. It started to thrash on the ground lacking the equipment to find me. I was to busy blessing me good luck and wondering if now would be a good time to do the thriller. When another ones foot landed square in my back.
Apparently I had just encountered bruce lees zombie as that flying kick was worthy of the king of beat down. I spun and managed not to jamm up anything vital. I kicked up with both my feet catching the zombie in its chest and throwing it back. I couldnt help myself and yelled outv "groovy" as I crawled to my feet. Somewhere right now Bruce Cambell was suing me for copywrite infringement. I got myself in a fighting stance that I hoped did not look like popeyes and stared down the advancing zombie.
At this point my vision was drawn to three other zombies advancing on Jack an eva. From somewhere within me I heard the voice of my hero. "Stop sleeping there boy and fetch me my tabloid. You know those zombies are going to invade one day and I wont be surprised." Thank you grandad everyone said you were crazy and that you straight lined whiskey. But I knew through that half glazed expression and lazy eye that you were right.

 

[Screech]

Ok, now these bad B-movie wannabes were starting to tick Jack off - and that was hard to do, especially when you might have a maggot or two squirming around in your cerabellum. First he had taken a round in the ribs. No big bother there, but then they had to go and try to shoot his jaw off! The nerve! It would probably take a good amount of superglue and stapes to get that back together again!

Jack grabbed a nearby spade and stared down one zombie who was getting a bot too close for comfort. Swinging out, the spade blade connected beutifully with the zombie's neck, sliced through cleanly, and came out the other side. The zombie, of course, seemed somewhat bemused by this, until a headbutt caused it to fall off.

"Hegg hoo hoosh!" Damn! They had taken away his ability for witty comments! Now he was REALLY angry!

 

[goingforbroke]

Apparently Jack had experience in fighting that or had been a psycotic gardener once. So I refocused on my own undead menace who was charging forward again. I greeted the attack head on catching the zombie and tripping him up with my legs. I then grabbed his head and used his own descending momentum to snap his neck. I was pretty sure I couldnt due that move again if I tried.
I rushed across the cemetary to attempt to help. Only to have the ground fall out from under me in the process. I let out a muffled "Yipe" as I learned how it felt to a coffin. It was darker then anything I ever experienced and smelled similar to the aftermath of that one drink to many. Although at least before the projectile vomit your having a good time. I did a quick recap of my day and began to shout curses into the unoffended dark.
Suddenly it felt as if the sky was falling as earth and tombstones began crashing down all around me. Luckily this let in more light and I realized I was in a tunnel. I ran down the passage thinking about if rabbits ever got claustraphobic. As I ran down the passage it got steadily darker untill I was feeling around with my hands and wishing I had whiskers.
Then my sight returned with burning intensity as lights flashed on in front of me. It was a huge chamber decorated with the bones of the long dead. I wondered if the dead ever consider about there appearence after death. Because a couple of these skeletons were in some interesting positions. But my musings on arrangments was cut short as I heard a "wooomp" from behind me and turned around.

 

[goingforbroke]

I saw a mass of bodies apparently the zombies had entangled themselves. It looked like a game of twister at the morgue christmas party. I wasnt staying around to wait for round two and ran into the large chamber. Without a gun or a handy apocalyspe I had no courage. Its times like this I realize that the cowardly lion probably outlived the tin man and the scarecrow.
This giant room was decorated by an extensive mural that depicted the death and rebirth of an army. What was worse Is I had seen a similar mural in a mensroom somewhere along with Joe was here. Apparently I had found joes final resting place, no artist is truly respected in there time. The zombies though did not have an artistic streak and came charging across the room crushing the skulls beneath there feet. I found a passage off to the side and hurried down it, as my heart had relocated in an apparent attempt to choke me to death I wasnt really concentrating on where I was going. Next thing I fell into a dank room that looked like it belonged as Dr. Dooms rec room. I dont know the human fixation with the color red or buttons. Because there it stood almost screaming "If you press me I will probably fry your brain". Again its the human condition to press these buttons and of course I did.
There was a flashing of lights and I could feel the room quake with energy. An audible hum of systems clicking to life. I looked back to see the zombies walking away calmy as if those anger management classes finally paid off. I hoped my two friend were okay and had found there way to a safe location. But if they had gained any of my luck probably they were being pissed on by lassie currently.
Now I was bombarded by questions was where was I? Who built this room? and will jack ever regain his ability to make witty comments?

 

[Ithica]

Some higher power must really hate Jonathan. The ground opened up right under him and the majority of the zombie’s fell in after him. I don’t see them saying “oh dear, sir, let me help you out”, I think “Do you feel lucky, punk”, is more of their style. The zombie that was nearest to me was distracted so I punched him in the face and stole his gun. I was in the middle of pistol-whipping the undead life out of him when the remaining zombie’s, excluding Jack, decided to change role models from Schwarzenegger to Gandhi. They all started walking away or more accurately limping away.

I found the grave keeper safe behind a tree and inquired about a ladder and some tape. Hopefully he has some tape for Jack and a ladder so we can find out what happened to Jonathan. Maybe after our lovely sight seeing through the graveyard we can go for a jaunty walk through a morgue, then we can have a picnic at the local haunted house, and, to top off our x-filed field trip, we should get abducted by aliens, just try to remember not to clench.

 

[Screech]

Wow! Talk about the oral openings of the underworld (Would use another term, but probably copywrited, and Jack didn't really want a gang of lawers to join the festivities - oh the horror!) The earth had just busted open and swallowed Johnathan whole! But then, it would have to swallow him whole, or else a leg might still be poking out or something. Not that it was the top priority thing to deal with at this moment. Tryouts for the zombie athletics with the flying head event was. At least, until most of the remaining zombies seemed to have a change of mind (if they even had minds left at this point) and shamble off. And even without a single 'braaaaaaainsssss' comment too! Sighing to himself - ok, well, not so much a sigh as letting air whistle through the holes in his face, Jack dropped his shovel and started looking for a decent pair of boots as he had been barefoot all day!

 

[goingforbroke]

I stood up feeling my body protest every step of the way. But I had no time to heed my clavicles urgent cry I had to know where the hell I was? Each wall in this room was ligned with odd looking devices. Although I think they are weapons they could just as easily be the next generation of easy bake ovens. I reached out to touch the nearest one but there was some form of barrier. It seemed to be a kind of plastic that was completely transparent.
This was frustrating but my repeated taunts and beating on the plastic wasnt doing anything. Apparently you had to be alive to be affected by yo mama jokes. I calmed myself and began to think about aquiring a key. Why couldnt just once the key be in plain sight and clearly marked. I mean with all the neon they have in vegas you think a secret lab could have one glowing sign. At least this place was illuminated by some manner of incandesent green light. There was another door at the end of this hallway and deciding then it was better then hoping the plastic would get bored and leave, I chose to check it out.
It wasnt locked and opened easily without even a creak. Opening into a long hallway that I was pretty sure opened to hell or at least new jersey. There was two figures at the far end who apparently hadnt seen me. Otherwise I would probably be face down on the earth wondering why I hadnt taken up dentistry as a career. They were waring a familiar set of black suits that meant trouble. That or it meant they got a deal for buying in bulk. Either way I hope the footsteps behind me were Eva or Jack.