As the bell rang, the classroom door opened and a man walked briskly to the front of the class. He was tall, with dirty blond hair and icy blue eyes. He was lean and tan, like a long-distance runner. He looked to be in his early thirties, perhaps a little older. He stood behind the podium and looked down at the rows of young girls sitting quietly at their desks.
"Good morning, ladies," he said cheerfully. "I'm sure you are all wondering who I am and why I am not wearing a collar." It was peculiar. All of the other male teachers at St. Mary's Catholic School For Girls were priests, and they always wore the traditional clerical vestments, including the Roman collar. This man was wearing a brown herringbone jacket, a crisp blue oxford shirt and tan slacks. He looked more like someone with dinner reservations than a priest.
"My name is Peter O'Malley," he said, "and the reason I am not wearing a collar is that I am not a priest. Not yet." He smiled as he noted the curious looks on the girls' faces. "I am in my final year at St. Matthew's Theological Seminary up in Capital City, and I have just been confirmed as a deacon, which means I am training to become a priest. I will finish my studies this semester and expect to be ordained to the priesthood in the fall."
He went on. "So, first things first. What should you call me? Well, you obviously can't call me 'Father,' because I'm not a priest. You could call me 'Deacon O'Malley,' but that just sounds like I'm 50 years old with a red nose from taking too much communion. And I don't think the priests and nuns would care for you lovely young ladies calling me 'Peter.'"
He smiled again. "So I thought about it, and here's what I came up with. Before I went to seminary, I received a Ph.D. in theology from Boston University, and a lot of my friends call me 'Dr. O.' So that's what you can call me, too. 'Dr. O.'"
He cleared his throat. "Now I know what you're all thinking right now. You're thinking, 'Who cares what people call you! What are you doing here and why are you standing here in Sister Catherine's biology class?' Well, it's a fair question, especially because I know it's very unusual for you to get a new teacher at the start of the spring semester."
He looked up at the ceiling, as if he were trying to think of the right words. "Okay, here's the deal," he said, lowering his voice a bit. "The legislature just passed a law requiring every school in the state -- not just public schools -- to teach sex education to all their students before they graduate. Now I can tell you that all of the priests and nuns here at St. Mary's, and most of your parents, are very upset by this new law. They expect all of you to save yourselves for your wedding night, and they see no reason for you to learn about sex when you are just 18-year-old girls."
He stole a quick glance at the classroom door. "In fact, Sister Catherine flat-out refused to teach sex ed, and none of the other nuns or priests were willing to take her place," he said. "So the diocese called over to the seminary and ordered them to send a graduate student down here to step in. And I drew the short end of the stick. So to speak."
He stood up tall again. "Honestly, I'm not too thrilled about being here myself," he said, absently scratching his chest. "I'm 200 miles from home and I'll be here for the next two months. And I tend to agree with the priests and nuns that we should be teaching abstinence to young Catholic virgins. And... I'm going to have to talk about some things that will make you embarrassed, and then I'll get embarrassed, and bright red is just not a good color for me."
He grinned. "But I have to do what the diocese tells me to do if I want to wear that collar. And you have to take sex ed if you want to graduate in May. So it looks like we're stuck with each other for the next eight weeks."
He took off his coat and hung it on the back of his chair. "So let's make the best of it and make it as pleasant as possible. Any questions so far?"
"Good morning, ladies," he said cheerfully. "I'm sure you are all wondering who I am and why I am not wearing a collar." It was peculiar. All of the other male teachers at St. Mary's Catholic School For Girls were priests, and they always wore the traditional clerical vestments, including the Roman collar. This man was wearing a brown herringbone jacket, a crisp blue oxford shirt and tan slacks. He looked more like someone with dinner reservations than a priest.
"My name is Peter O'Malley," he said, "and the reason I am not wearing a collar is that I am not a priest. Not yet." He smiled as he noted the curious looks on the girls' faces. "I am in my final year at St. Matthew's Theological Seminary up in Capital City, and I have just been confirmed as a deacon, which means I am training to become a priest. I will finish my studies this semester and expect to be ordained to the priesthood in the fall."
He went on. "So, first things first. What should you call me? Well, you obviously can't call me 'Father,' because I'm not a priest. You could call me 'Deacon O'Malley,' but that just sounds like I'm 50 years old with a red nose from taking too much communion. And I don't think the priests and nuns would care for you lovely young ladies calling me 'Peter.'"
He smiled again. "So I thought about it, and here's what I came up with. Before I went to seminary, I received a Ph.D. in theology from Boston University, and a lot of my friends call me 'Dr. O.' So that's what you can call me, too. 'Dr. O.'"
He cleared his throat. "Now I know what you're all thinking right now. You're thinking, 'Who cares what people call you! What are you doing here and why are you standing here in Sister Catherine's biology class?' Well, it's a fair question, especially because I know it's very unusual for you to get a new teacher at the start of the spring semester."
He looked up at the ceiling, as if he were trying to think of the right words. "Okay, here's the deal," he said, lowering his voice a bit. "The legislature just passed a law requiring every school in the state -- not just public schools -- to teach sex education to all their students before they graduate. Now I can tell you that all of the priests and nuns here at St. Mary's, and most of your parents, are very upset by this new law. They expect all of you to save yourselves for your wedding night, and they see no reason for you to learn about sex when you are just 18-year-old girls."
He stole a quick glance at the classroom door. "In fact, Sister Catherine flat-out refused to teach sex ed, and none of the other nuns or priests were willing to take her place," he said. "So the diocese called over to the seminary and ordered them to send a graduate student down here to step in. And I drew the short end of the stick. So to speak."
He stood up tall again. "Honestly, I'm not too thrilled about being here myself," he said, absently scratching his chest. "I'm 200 miles from home and I'll be here for the next two months. And I tend to agree with the priests and nuns that we should be teaching abstinence to young Catholic virgins. And... I'm going to have to talk about some things that will make you embarrassed, and then I'll get embarrassed, and bright red is just not a good color for me."
He grinned. "But I have to do what the diocese tells me to do if I want to wear that collar. And you have to take sex ed if you want to graduate in May. So it looks like we're stuck with each other for the next eight weeks."
He took off his coat and hung it on the back of his chair. "So let's make the best of it and make it as pleasant as possible. Any questions so far?"
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