Nobody Special's wife
Just Peeking
- Joined
- Nov 3, 2000
- Posts
- 2,702
Finally a Barbie I can relate to! At long last,
here are some NEW Barbie dolls to coincide with her
and OUR aging gracefully. These are a bit more
realistic...
1. Bifocals Barbie. Comes with her own set of
blended-lens fashion frames in six wild colors
(half-frames too!), neck chain and large-print
editions of Vogue and Martha Stewart Living.
>2. Hot Flash Barbie. Press Barbie's bellybutton and
watch her face turn beet red while tiny drops of
perspiration appear on her forehead. Comes with
hand-held fan and tiny tissues.
3. Facial Hair Barbie. As Barbie's hormone levels
shift, see her whiskers grow. Available with teensy
tweezers and magnifying mirror.
4. Flabby Arms Barbie. Hide Barbie's droopy triceps
with these new, roomier-sleeved gowns. Good news on
the tummy front, too-muumuus with tummy-support
panels are included.
5. Bunion Barbie. Years of disco dancing in stiletto
heels have definitely taken their toll on Barbie's
dainty arched feet. Soothe her sores with the
pumice stone and plasters, then slip on soft terry
mules.
6. No-More-Wrinkles Barbie. Erase those pesky
crow's-feet and lip lines with a tube of Skin Sparkle-Spackle, from
Barbie's own line of exclusive
age-blasting cosmetics.
7. Soccer Mom Barbie. All that experience as a
cheer-leader is really paying off as Barbie dusts
off her old high school megaphone to root for Babs
and Ken, Jr. Comes with minivan in robin-egg blue or
white, and cooler filled with doughnut holes and fruit punch.
8. Mid-life Crisis Barbie. It's time to ditch Ken.
Barbie needs a change, and Alonzo (her personal
trainer) is just what the doctor ordered, along with Prozac.
They're hopping in her new red Miata and heading for
the Napa Valley to open a B&B. Includes a real tape
of "Breaking Up Is Hard to Do."
9. Divorced Barbie. Sells for $199.99. Comes with
Ken's house, Ken's car, and Ken's boat.
10. Recovery Barbie. Too many parties have finally
caught up with the ultimate party girl. Now she does
Twelve Steps instead of dance steps. Clean and
sober, she's going to meetings religiously. Comes
with a little copy of The Big Book and a six-pack of Diet Coke.
11. Post-Menopausal Barbie. This Barbie wets her
pants when she sneezes, forgets where she puts
things, and cries a lot. She is sick and tired of
Ken sitting on the couch watching the tube, clicking
through the channels. Comes with Depends and Kleenex. As a bonus
this year, the book "Getting In Touch with Your Inner Self" is
included.
here are some NEW Barbie dolls to coincide with her
and OUR aging gracefully. These are a bit more
realistic...
1. Bifocals Barbie. Comes with her own set of
blended-lens fashion frames in six wild colors
(half-frames too!), neck chain and large-print
editions of Vogue and Martha Stewart Living.
>2. Hot Flash Barbie. Press Barbie's bellybutton and
watch her face turn beet red while tiny drops of
perspiration appear on her forehead. Comes with
hand-held fan and tiny tissues.
3. Facial Hair Barbie. As Barbie's hormone levels
shift, see her whiskers grow. Available with teensy
tweezers and magnifying mirror.
4. Flabby Arms Barbie. Hide Barbie's droopy triceps
with these new, roomier-sleeved gowns. Good news on
the tummy front, too-muumuus with tummy-support
panels are included.
5. Bunion Barbie. Years of disco dancing in stiletto
heels have definitely taken their toll on Barbie's
dainty arched feet. Soothe her sores with the
pumice stone and plasters, then slip on soft terry
mules.
6. No-More-Wrinkles Barbie. Erase those pesky
crow's-feet and lip lines with a tube of Skin Sparkle-Spackle, from
Barbie's own line of exclusive
age-blasting cosmetics.
7. Soccer Mom Barbie. All that experience as a
cheer-leader is really paying off as Barbie dusts
off her old high school megaphone to root for Babs
and Ken, Jr. Comes with minivan in robin-egg blue or
white, and cooler filled with doughnut holes and fruit punch.
8. Mid-life Crisis Barbie. It's time to ditch Ken.
Barbie needs a change, and Alonzo (her personal
trainer) is just what the doctor ordered, along with Prozac.
They're hopping in her new red Miata and heading for
the Napa Valley to open a B&B. Includes a real tape
of "Breaking Up Is Hard to Do."
9. Divorced Barbie. Sells for $199.99. Comes with
Ken's house, Ken's car, and Ken's boat.
10. Recovery Barbie. Too many parties have finally
caught up with the ultimate party girl. Now she does
Twelve Steps instead of dance steps. Clean and
sober, she's going to meetings religiously. Comes
with a little copy of The Big Book and a six-pack of Diet Coke.
11. Post-Menopausal Barbie. This Barbie wets her
pants when she sneezes, forgets where she puts
things, and cries a lot. She is sick and tired of
Ken sitting on the couch watching the tube, clicking
through the channels. Comes with Depends and Kleenex. As a bonus
this year, the book "Getting In Touch with Your Inner Self" is
included.
