The murder of a good story

[Mickie]

Good Morning! Okay, so it’s grey and rainy here, which, to me, makes it a wonderful morning. And, since it’s back to school for most kids, I’ve decided to put a lesson up for discussion.

So, my subject is exposition. How much does one put into the beginning of a story?

So many times I’ve read been bored to tears reading ‘so and so had a relationship that just ended, and this is what it was like’. There are so many ways to hint at a previous relationship, tell what it was like, other than blatantly and boringly recite the details. It’s almost as bad as beginning a story with ‘Amy was blond, 5 foot tall, had 40DDD breasts’. All right, not quite as bad, but my point is made.

In other words, if the background of a character matters that much in order to understand the beginning scene, you’re starting your story in the wrong place. Write a scene that illustrates the main point of the exposition, and use that as the first scene. If it doesn’t matter enough to do an entire scene, then cut it, or add it in in small increments during the action.

For example -- Amy writhed with pleasure. Gary, her previous boyfriend, had never made her feel this way. He’d been a minute-man at best. But Ed’s tongue was doing things to her that curled her toes.

Don’t you think this reads much better than -- Amy had just gotten out of a relationship with Gary, unsatisfied with their sex life. His work interfered and he preferred to sleep rather than take the time for real enjoyment. (All of this, of course, written in the beginning, before any action takes place.)

Even better would be to start with a scene outlining her relationship with Gary, lead the reader on to FEEL the excitement Amy has and then let them down as Gary rolls over to sleep. Then tell the reader what Amy does to help this problem. Tell the entire story. Don’t outline everything but the heavy sex parts. Let the reader get into the mood with the character.

And that’s the end of the lesson for today. *Taps pointer on the chalkboard* You may all have cookies and milk now.

Mickie

 

[Natalie Nessus]

 

[Mickie]

You're welcome, Nessus. I was in an informational mood yesterday.

Mick

 

[Natalie Nessus]

 

[Whispersecret]

Excellent advice, Mickie, as usual. You should submit that to Laurel for the Writer's Resources area of the site.

 

[Wyatt]

Excellent stuff.I'm impressed.

 

[Dragonette]

Wish I could!

Hi Mickie

I did read some of yours and greatly enjoyed them
Don't ask me now though, should be in bed dreaming!

Ah, Dark Seduction I enjoyed, also Virgin Princess
Just had a quick look! A study in Love.

I just wrote a beginning one, a gentle (so far) Viking theme, with hopefully a funny dialogue.

My stories need help, and I have many more sitting here waiting for my time to edit.

The Viking (Surrender) is posted as a start, for a one on one continuation, as most of mine are.
Not really a chain one, mine rarely have an ending.

Any help would be appreciated!
If you would care to look at my efforts
Author is Dragonette

Growls softly, then yawns, back to my lair!

 

[Mickie]

Thanks, Dragonette! This site is definitely good for the ego.

As for editing, if I had the time I'd put my name up on the volunteer editors page. Unfortunately, I have far too many projects for the level of committment required for that. However, there are a lot of people on that list. I'm sure one or more of them would be happy to help you out.

I just get into this teaching mode once in a while, and it helps to clarify my own writing to put what I'm learning down in ways that other people can understand. (sort of a 'sharing' experience )

In that vein, I did come up with another lesson. So... *taps pointer on desk* attend to me, students...

Adjective -- a word used to modify a noun. Such as -- the word ‘wise’ in ‘wise ruler’, or, more common on this site -- the words preceding the words used for the private parts of any and all characters.

As with everything good, adjectives should be used in moderation. Pornography and erotica are littered with stories that ‘over-write’, or use too many words. (I’m guilty as charged, so don’t look up my stories and point out what a hypocrite I am. I’m only passing along information as I learn, myself.) A throbbing, glistening, ten-inch cock is a great description to use in an introduction of that cock. However, one doesn’t have to mention the description in each sentence about that cock. A good rule of thumb is -- don’t put in an adjective about an object unless there is a change from the last adjective.

‘Ly’ words -- Lazy writing. There are a few instances when using an ‘ly’ word is appropriate, but these occassions are few and far between-- such as the word ‘shyly’ in ‘she looked up shyly’.

Ugh. Cut the word and describe how she looked up. Such as -- ‘She tucked her head to the side and looked up. A smile curled her lips, but she refused to look me in the eye.’ The reason for this is that it forces the writer to truly write and describe the action. It gives a more accurate picture, allowing the reader easier access to the scene.

Another part of this is using words like ‘almost’ and ‘slight’. Such as ‘he was almost laughing’ or ‘she had a slight smile’. This is much more picky than most authors get, but when you use these kinds of words on a constant basis, it becomes redundant and boring to read. Instead, tell us more about what it really is, rather than what it almost is. Such as -- ‘He was smiling, and I could see the effort he made not to laugh.’ Or ‘Her lips were lifted at the corners; a smile was waiting in the wings.’ Get creative with your writing. Think of other ways to say things, rather than take short cuts.

As with everything in life, moderation is the key. It isn’t ‘bad’ writing to use these things, but it is ‘bad’ writing to depend on them. Vary your approach, and a style of your own will emerge.


End of lesson for the day.

Mickie

 

[Wyatt]

Now I'm even more impressed...plus I think I 've discovered my stories suck.And you should never start a sentence with a conjunction.

 

[Whispersecret]

I disagree. You CAN start a sentence with a conjuction if you want to emphasize a certain point, or if the sentence preceding was incredibly long and complex. But (heh heh, there I go!) as Mickie says, everything in moderation. Don't overdo the use of a conjunction as the first word or you lose the punch.

 

[Wyatt]

Oh dear! My English language teacher would definitely disagree and he was an Oxford University graduate.Mind you,any excuse to get his cane out...especially if you were a boy!!I stand corrected(Again).

 

[Dragonette]

Chuckles

It's Sunday night, no brain here tonight

But thanks for the words of wisdom!

When my brain gets back into gear, I may be able to think

LOL

Did I manage to break all the rules?

Smiles wickedly

 

[Wyatt]

After reading some of the posts I'm tempted to go back to night school and start again.I think people are looking for D.H.Lawrence.

 

[Dragonette]

Never give up!

Writing can be grammatically correct, phrasing perfect, spelling excellent etc.....

But it is the story, does it make you want to continue reading?

Even the best writers can be boring if it does not grab you!

My main hassle and easily done, is 'he' instead of 'she' (or vise versa)

Only one letter can make you lose the plot!

I have read some of those!
It's easily done and I do it, I know what I mean to say and a Speller or Grammar checker won't pick it up!

Subject: "Ode to the Spell Checker!" on our P.C.


Eye halve a spelling chequer
It came with my pea sea
It plainly marques four my revue
Miss steaks eye kin knot sea.

Eye strike a key and type a word
And weight four it two say
Weather eye am wrong oar write
It shows me strait a weigh.

As soon as a mist ache is maid
It nose bee fore two long
And eye can put the error rite
Its rare lea ever wrong.

Eye have run this poem threw it
I am shore your pleased two no
Its letter perfect awl the weigh
My chequer tolled me sew.



LOL

 

[Wyatt]

I agree.My least favourite mistake is when someone starts a sentence without a capital letter.Perhaps I'm just being picky.I tended to write my early stuff in big chunks.Hard to read.It puts the reader right off.I can see that now but at the time it didn't occur to me.Take the time to distance yourself from your story for a few days.I wish I listened to myself sometimes !! :0))))

 

[Mickie]

There's a reason we call fiction writing 'creative writing'. Rules are meant to be broken. If you want to write for a newspaper, then follow each rule to the letter. If you want to write dramatic fiction, bend the rules in order to promote the drama. However, the rules are there for a reason -- to advance ease of reading -- and they should be broken only when there's a reason to do so. I write with a lot of run-on sentences. It reads all right, but I'm working on using them with less frequency.

The trouble with a lot of amatuer writers is that they don't know or understand some of the basic rules (captial letters? I thought they taught that in first grade!). It's impossible to know when to break a rule unless you know what and why it is in the first place.

Interesting stories are a good thing to have, but not entirely necessary. I've read a short about sharpening a pencil, but the author made it humorous, interesting, and the ending was bittersweet as the pencil was then used as a weapon. It isn't exactly necessary to have the most interesting subject matter -- it's the angle from which the writer tells the story that makes it interesting. I could tell a story about the pencil, and destroy it because I don't write like that.

The writing DOES make the story, or break it. If you cannot promote a 'feeling' with the words, then give it up. Even a journalist has the ability to use facts to promote feelings.

Sex stories are no exception. We, as authors, are attempting to engender lust in the reader, as well as other emotions. How do we do that? By using a character or situation that the reader can identify with. If the writing is difficult to read, the reader will not become fully immersed in the story, bogged down with deciphering the writing.

The things that I'm learning -- these so-called lessons I've put on this thread -- are things that should and do help the ease of reading. It makes the writing less intrusive.

If someone can read your story without having a sense of 'reading', then you've done your job. If you can inspire feelings and still keep that level of writing going, then you've told a good story, no matter what rules you've broken.

Mickie

 

[Guest]

so i have this problem.....

You've got some really good points here. I've only submitted one story here so far, and am only a hobby writer at the most.
So, my problem is this:
1- I either write ad nauseum to create a realistic story, with believable people and believable dialogue - with the result that I'm writing too much (like right now*G*). Then I go back, try to cut it down, rephrase certain parts, et cetera... when I re-read it, it sounds stilted and unnatural, without the "flow" it had in the first place. Sometimes it takes a while to get to the 'real action' as well.
or 2-
I try for a fast-paced, energetic piece, and end up with fluff. I mean, I know erotic stories aren't candidates for literature awards or anything, but still, if my characters and scenes can't be fleshed out with detailed descriptions, I can't be satisfied with it. I've read stories here that were 4 pages long, and the sex only takes place on the last page and a half - the rest is all rich detail. Some are really boring, but others are just incredible! Even with a couple of run-on sentences *G*
Others I've read start with an orgasm, and don't go very far from more of them during the rest of the story. This kind can get a reader very hot very quickly, or make them roll their eyes and hit the back button.
So, my question is, where's the balance? How do you know if you've got a good story, or just verbal diarrhea? I find myself sometimes ADDING words when I try to cut some out! I mean, to create a feeling with words, you need to USE words.
Well, I'm going to stop, though I could go on *G*... I'm really frustrated at this point, writing my next story. It's not going how I'd planned... one of my characters is evolving a lot more than I wanted him to, throwing my whole story off kilter. I've got one person telling me it's too wordy, and another saying great, love the rich descriptions/so-real characters.... OY! Who do I listen to?
(Hopefully, my future stories are going to be far more understandable than this rambly, illogical post!)

 

[hotti]

well damn!

All that rambling is mine... I took so long to type it that my session timed out *G*.

 

[Mickie]

Hotti,

The thing about all of this is that the only person who can really decide how to write it is the author, themselves. Creative writing is a subjective thing -- what one person might like another will hate.

Writing a lot about a subject isn't necessarily bad. Pick and choose the subjects, though. If you spend three pages outlining the outfit a man is wearing as he's crossing the street, and it has nothing to do with the plot, cut it down. If the plot has to do with the outfit, then assess how much can be inserted into the action, rather than a blatant description. It's really all a matter of 'when' to say something, rather than how much to say. The stories I've had the most and best feedback on all begin with action, and insert the back story as the action moves forward. Details are good if they convey an 'immediacy' to the action. Details are bad if you're just naming them off in a line. Mix things up -- reaction, dialogue, action, and back story. It's like eating a meal with a dozen different foods. Try one with another, then vary it with something else and the enjoyment is far greater. Try to balance one with the other and you'll have a fun story.

Stories that change from the original intent can be good. In fact, characters that are so alive in your mind that they change the action come across as real and believeable. Sometimes the best writing and stories come along that way.

Mickie

 

[hotti]

too true, on all of it, mickie... thanks

I don't normally have this problem, but like I said, this character evolving on his own kind of startled me, and I lost my objectivity.

I'm going to write until it's done, then leave it for a week or so. Then I'm going to read it as if it weren't mine, and see what's up then.

Thanks again!

 

[Tawny T]

Try this. I learned it years ago. After writing your story lay it aside for a while then go back and read it over. Forget who wrote it, and how long it took you.

Pick it up and read it as if you had never seen it before, you don't know the author at all. Now, how does it read? Don't think ahead of the words you are reading. Each word and sentence is new to you. After a while you will get the hang of it and you will see if it's good or bad. A neat trick to try. It takes a little practice to develop the technique.

Try this, the next time you go walking or driving, take in the scene moment by moment - what is in your vision at that instant in time - just as as you had never been down the street before, every turn is a new vision, just what you see at that moment. Then appy that to reading your own story.

Rules of English -- you can break them at times if the story warrants it. Don't go over board, but bend a few now and then. Most people bend the Hell out of them when they talk. If you are writing dialogue you can do it too.

"Where you at, Billy Bob? I find your sorry ass I'm going to stomp hell out of you, you hear me? I done tole you that already, where you at?"

Bent a few, but that's the way some people talk. Ain't that rat?

 

[Natalie Nessus]

.

 

[Mickie]

quote:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Most people bend the Hell out of them when they talk. If you are writing dialogue you can do it too.
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I agree as well, but again, everything in moderation. If all the dialogue is in some kind of written dialect, it makes the readability of the work suffer. And, in some instances, heavy dialect is impossible to read. Remember, it's one thing to work on believeablility in dialogue, and it's another to make it so 'natural' that it becomes confusing to read.

Mickie

 

[Guest]

Lots of bits

Really good writers can break all the rules. It is the likes of me, who can only just scratch a living out of writing, who dare not do so.

The finest detailed description of a woman I know is:

There stood Mrs. Feziwig, one vast substantial smile.

If I could only write like that - just once - just one phrase, I could die happy.

Or if Dickens is too old fashioned for you, listen to Dylan Thomas, any Dylan Thomas, but perhaps:

Wise men, who know their words have forked no lightning,

or

Brave men who caught and sang the sun in flight, and learned, too late, they only sung it on its way.

or

The slow, black, sloe black night

with its superfluity of adjectives.

When I can write like that, then I will have earned two privileges;
the privilege of breaking the rules, and the privilege of criticising others.

Someone once asked me whether it was difficult to find the words for my writings. I said, "No, finding the words is easy; getting the little buggers in the right order is the hard bit."

Regards to all )?


PS I just reread that and I am a presumptuous old fart, aren't I?

 

[Mickie]

It isn't the single lines that are brilliant. It's the lines that surround them. Those that 'have made a name for themselves' did not do so by strictly following the rules. They did so by knowing when and how to break them. They didn't wait until they made money to write like that. Good writing comes from constant writing, and constant learning. Good writing evokes a feeling, and inspires the reader to greater feelings.

Publishers don't pick good novels to publish, or even good stories. They pick MARKETABLE novels or stories, which is why so many of them really should have been tossed in the trash. Normal, everyday people don't give a damn if your grammar is correct, they care about how the story moves them -- if they can identify with the characters -- if it lives up to the advertising. So put in those beautiful lines, and surround them with imagery and wonder. Don't try to be perfect. Try to make your audience weep, or laugh, or scream in outrage. Sometimes, THAT is the most marketable quality of all.

Mickie