The more the merrier?

[Icingsugar]

One of today's spam mails caught my attention:

"Curn as much as a pr0n star! upto 500% more!"

Uh, why would I want that?

Just asking, is that supposed to be a good thing? Ie. could a description in a (shallow enough) story exaggerating the volume of youghurt be more erotic? Exagerating other physical aspects to perfection isn't unheard of. But the amount of goo? Really?

/Ice - mildly fascinated

 

[cookiejar]

It certainly doesn't appeal to me...no more wet spots...wet puddles...I get ones to enhance my dick size and my favorite..."GET LAID RIGHT NOW!!!"...

 

[English Lady]

I am always getting spam telling me how to increase the size of my penis...I think it's quite miraculous really...I don't have a penis to start with!


lots and lots and lots of cum? hmmm sticky...and well swallowing would be an ordeal...especially if it were a little bitter....urgh...

my husband used to get junk mail in the post on trhe natural way to enhance his breasts! I like them just as they are!

 

[dr_mabeuse]

The porn star Peter North was--is? I think he's still working-- notorious for his amount of ejaculate. He was selling some sort of vitamin supplement that would let you "come like a porn star" too.

I read an interview with some porn director who confessed to using shampoo and cream rinse as artificial semen for facial closeups, and I've noticed myself how some shampoos look like the real thing. I wonder if that's intentional?

BTW, I received some spam inviting me to increase the length of my penis without weights or painful stretching!

Weights???

---dr.M.

 

[Icingsugar]

BTW, I received some spam inviting me to increase the length of my penis without weights or painful stretching!

Weights???

Doc, I'll never drink coffee while on the AH ever again.

Excuse me while I go get a napkin...

/Ice

 

[Quasimodem]

Two days ago, my IPS mail client's spam-blocker fell sick for most of the afternoon.

During that time, I received 17 emails explaining the efficacity of their procedure to increase my dick size, and urged me to handle this critical matter quickly.

I also received 15 advertisements explaining the advantages of procuring such restricted pharmaceuticals as Prozac, Valium, Demerol, and Viagra, simply by placing my order and sending in my credit card number.

Then, a dozen emails urged me to trust to their good offices for all my feminine hygiene needs.

Finally, three emails advised me to purchase their inexpensive software to stop the annoying spam that was clogging my email account.

I am happy to hereby advise all senders of these communications that my IPS mail client's spam-blocker is once again functional.

 

[dr_mabeuse]

During that time, I received 17 emails explaining the efficacity of their procedure to increase my dick size, and urged me to handle this critical matter quickly.

I prefer it when I can get someone else to handle my critical matter.

---dr.M.

 

[*Catbabe*]

I am tempted to explain what they do with the weights

...I wonder if there would be any noise resulting from men across the globe crossing their legs at the same time?

 

[Vincent E]

BTW, I received some spam inviting me to increase the length of my penis without weights or painful stretching!

Weights???

Well, if you aren't willing to suffer for size, you'll just have to be content with what nature gave you.


I know I am.

 

[oggbashan]

Increase your ejaculate - use condensed milk as a cum substitute.

It looks right, has the correct consistency and sticks.

If you buy it in a tube, hitting the tube with a fist produces an "ejaculation" of porn star proportions.

Og

PS. Take the cap off the tube first.

 

[cookiejar]

Well, if you aren't willing to suffer for size, you'll just have to be content with what nature gave you.


I know I am.

Heck just tie a brick on it...

 

[Quasimodem]

Before I got on the internet, I though "Penile Implants" were investigative journalist working undercover to establish the living conditions inside our institutions of correction.

Silly me!

 

[raphy]

BTW, I received some spam inviting me to increase the length of my penis without weights or painful stretching!

Weights???

---dr.M.

Reminds me of a joke. It isn't really racist, honest. *grins*

This white guy goes into a public restroom to urinate. He's standing at the urinal and happens to look over and there's this well-endowed black man standing there with his friend.

"Damn!" he says. "How in the hell did you get a dick that big?"

The black man winks at his friend and says "Well, I went on a dick-training programme."

"Really?

"Sure. You have to tie weights to the end of your dick. You start off light, and get heavier and heavier."

The white guy looked amazed, but said he'd try it and went off on his day.

A few days later, they met again, quite accidentally.

"Hey," said the black guy. "Aren't you that white guy who was asking me about my dick the other day?"

"Sure am"

"Well, how's it going then?"

"Well," said the white guy, looking a little doubtful. "I'm halfway there, I think."

"Really," said the black guy, looking a bit surprised. "What do you mean?"

The white guy looked around himself for a moment, then said, "Well... It's gone black."

 

[Quasimodem]

I Don't Know Why - But This Seems To Fit Here.

'Shock and Awe' Barrage Hits Patent Office
Fri October 24, 2003 09:58 AM ET

WASHINGTON (Reuters) - From condoms to coffees, a wave of trademark applications using "Shock and Awe" in their names is hitting the U.S. Patent and Trademark Office.

Seven months after the most overused cliche of the Iraq War entered American jargon, a Patent Office official said on Thursday it had received 29 "Shock and Awe" applications.

There are filings to trademark golf clubs, pesticides, dietary supplements, video games, salsa, energy drinks, yo-yos, lingerie, Bloody Mary mix and "infant action crib toys."

"The last thing I can remember like this was for using the terms Millennium or Y2K," said Brigid Quinn, spokeswoman for the Patent Office, which oversees trademark law.

None of the "Shock and Awe" applications is registered yet -- not even the five to trademark fireworks brands.

"Each will be reviewed one by one on their own merit," Quinn said.

 

[Quasimodem]

I still have half a tube of Y2K Jelly - "To help you slip into the New Millennium without pain!"

Someday, it will be a collector's item.

 

[Colleen Thomas]

And here I thought all those ads to increse my penis size were encouragement to go bet a bigger vibe. Silly me.

-Colly

 

[Quint]

Ehh, s'pose if you were writing a bukkake story it would help--only so many men can line up around a prostrate girl, and you can't count on things like distance and trajectory. I'm now, fueled undoubtedly by excessive exposure to my choir teacher boyfriend, imagining a row of risers making a circle around the prone female form...naked Japanese men silently file in as a crisp, slightly irritated voice commands, "Now, everyone, find your window!" Mass-turbation ensues.

Personally, I get mine on tap.