The Miss Literotica Pageant/Talent Competition

[shereads]

Hi, my name is shereads. I'm the one who tripped on the hem of her gown during the opening number, which was entirely my fault and not a commentary on the wisdom of having us step-dance in tight floorlength gowns.

My talent is synchronized swimming. I can't demonstrate without a partner, and a pool of water, so they said I could show a photo of my Olympic tryouts. That's me on the left in the foreground. That witch splashed me on purpose and threw off my routine.

 

[Guest]

I'm Perdita. Is there an age limitation? Anyway, I'm Mexican so I'd better at least be a runner-up or I'll use the race card. For the talent bit I'll lip-sync Isolde's liebestod but I'll need a Tristan to fall down on at the end. I won't be in the swimsuit contest either (I don't shave), but I can submit photos of my tits.

Perdita

 

[shereads]

About the judging: each contestant shall determine her or his own finishing position. Second runner-up is the most coveted title because it carries no responsibility whatsover unless something happens to the new Miss Literotica and the first runner-up; yet it's infinitely better than third runner-up, which is even less prestigious than a tie for Olympic bronze.

Spectators can vote to their hearts' content, but you're basically set-dressing. Catcalls are encouraged. Sexual congress between members of the audience is to take place in the Smoking Lounge and not the auditorium. Yes, this applies to the balcony.

Those of you who never left after the 1999 showing of Rocky Horror, management is onto you. This means you, Mr. Cantdog.

Contestants, the talent competition is freeform. I yield the floor.

~ Your hostess, Camilla Parker-Bowles

 

[shereads]

Anyway, I'm Mexican so I'd better at least be a runner-up or I'll use the race card.

I'm glad you brought that up, Perdita. After the incident with the conjoined twins, the pageant retained legal counsel and are now prepared for litigation; indeed, we welcome it. Each contestant will be allowed one formal protest, an appeal, and in the event of a lawsuit, the use of an attorney at whatever rate she can negotiate.

~ Your hostess, Camilla Parker Bowles

 

[shereads]

For the talent bit I'll lip-sync Isolde's liebestod but I'll need a Tristan to fall down on at the end. I won't be in the swimsuit contest either (I don't shave), but I can submit photos of my tits.

Perdita

Tit photos are always popular with the balcony crowd. The balcony is usually a good source of Tristans as well.

~ Camilla

 

[moonlight elf]

Hello I'm Moonlight Elf. For the opening number I wore the midnight blue gown that fell to the floor. I had butterflies in my tummy all through the dance fearing to trip and fall. Luck must have been at my side cause I didn't. No it was the poor girl to my left who fell.

For my talent luck deserted me. I love belly dancing and thought that since i was lucky for the first dance why not do a second. That was a big mistake.

The music played and I began moving with its beat. My skirts twirling, the bells around my belly ringing, and my hips swinging, I danced. However, all that twirling had made my skirts loose and poof they came sliding down my legs making me fall flat on my face. Hmm...I wonder if I could still make second runner up.

 

[shereads]

No it was the poor girl to my left who fell.

You tripped me. This pageant is nearly as treacherous as tryouts for the U.S. synchronized swimming team. There, I could at least have held your head under until you signaled an apology.

Great dress, though.

 

[she_is_my_addiction]

Hi I'm SIMA and I don't understand this thread.

A little help here?

 

[shereads]

Hi I'm SIMA and I don't understand this thread.

A little help here?

Decide whether you want the title or to be a runner-up and adjust your level of talent accordingly. There are no rules, just the cameraderie of the pageant world and the inevitable bitterness at the end when someone less worthy than you wears the crown of Miss Literotica and sells it for crack. Your talent, Ms. SIMA?

~ Your hostess, Camilla Parker Bowles

 

[moonlight elf]

You tripped me. This pageant is nearly as treacherous as tryouts for the U.S. synchronized swimming team. There, I could at least have held your head under until you signaled an apology.

Great dress, though.

I did? Hmm when I get my nerves all tied up I seem to go into a trans and the evil elf takes over. She can't just leave me alone. Why all the times i'v ever got into trouble its been the evil elf's doing.

Well, I'll take responsibility for her since you are so nice to compliment me on my dress. I'm sorry about that tripping incident, i'll be sure to keep an eye on the evil one.

 

[Guest]

Hello. My name is vella and I almost feel a bit sheepish that I didn't know we were supposed to wear gowns at all. I thought it was totally appropriate to wear only body glitter and was put out when I was refused entrance to the very first event. I was only told..."evening wear" ...well, that is evening wear to me. hrmf

I am ready to play the hammered dulcimer when my turn comes for the talent contest. I've really practised and feel that my jigs, Irishwasher woman/ Dierdre's Fancy/Swallowtail Jig will have the patrons wanting to don their clogs and dance into the wee hours of the night.


Finally, my fondest wish is for Whirled Peas. Oh, and I wouldn't mind placing somewhere where I'll get to stand on stage when Sher gets First place...(its all rigged, i know that)


Thank you. Thank you, very much.

 

[Awful Arthur]

Par-tay - Private - Par-tay

All contestants are cordially invited to my hotel suite for a private party.

 

[she_is_my_addiction]

Hi. I'm SIMA. I showed up in naughty attire. That is, stockings, garters, little black lace dress, and four inch heels. I don't do gowns. Inevitably I'll step on the hem and rip my dress up to past my crotch.

I can't wait for the talent part of all this because I'll be the one who leaves the best voice recordings on her answering machine. Sure, I've taken a few from a website here and there, but mostly they're original, and they tend to change every day or every other day. If you haven't called me before, you should call just so you can hear the message.

My greatest wish is for heat. My room is freezing, even with the heater on. Do you hear me out there!? I know the custodians are watching this broadcast, and I want heat in my room! *clearing throat*

My other greatest wish is for true love. Cheesy, yes, but if you think enough about my talent, you'll laugh so hard you'll forget that I left you with a cheesy wish.

Love and Peace to all

 

[Guest]

Re: Par-tay - Private - Par-tay

All contestants are cordially invited to my hotel suite for a private party.

im sorry, thats a no can do...
i hear you like to bite off ears and ive grown very attached to mine...

 

[Awful Arthur]

Re: Re: Par-tay - Private - Par-tay

im sorry, thats a no can do...
i hear you like to bite off ears and ive grown very attached to mine...

Your ear would be one of the last things I'd bite. You can take that to the bank.

 

[Guest]

Re: Re: Re: Par-tay - Private - Par-tay

Your ear would be one of the last things I'd bite. You can take that to the bank.

babe, count me in then. i'll be one of the first there after the finale!
yehaw...

(drinks are complimentary, yes?)

 

[Kassiana]

Kass, with the Daily Anti-Sex Journal. I'm here to record all the awful, evil, smutty things you perverts do. That's why I entered the contest, to protest how anti-woman it is to judge a woman based on anything but her mind.

That's also why I write smut, hang out with perverted four-legged freaks, and collect all the dirty pictures on here. To condemn all of you.

What?

Stop laughing at me!

Fine. If you don't believe me, I'll have to go check out my ass in the mirror to make sure my pearls aren't slipping.

Darn evil enticing pervs...I mean evil pervs.

Stop laughing!

 

[moonlight elf]

Re: Par-tay - Private - Par-tay

All contestants are cordially invited to my hotel suite for a private party.

Did you say par-tay well then i'll be sure to cum

 

[she_is_my_addiction]

Phew. Was my post okay??

 

[Kassiana]

Phew. Was my post okay??

It amused me, so of course it was.

No, seriously, it seemed to fit in as far as I could tell.

And I could tell.

Really.

 

[she_is_my_addiction]

It amused me, so of course it was.

No, seriously, it seemed to fit in as far as I could tell.

And I could tell.

Really.

 

[moonlight elf]

Phew. Was my post okay??

Okay? It was better than okay, it was great. I liked it SIMA!!

 

[she_is_my_addiction]

Okay? It was better than okay, it was great. I liked it SIMA!!

Nice. Grassy ass.

 

[moonlight elf]

Nice. Grassy ass.

 

[Guest]

Um, hello, I'm Lou-Lou *giggle*. I'm wearing a very tight-fitting black number, with an open back and plunging neckline to die for. I only wish I could breath better. These heels are killing my feet, but I'll attempt to walk over there. Oops.

Um, well, that was elegant, wasn't it? Sorry about the tear in the carpet. Anyway, yeah, my talent... I can play the spoons and whistle, both at the same time. If I want to really impress, I go for the opening-a-bottle-between-my-tits-thing, while playing the spoons and whistling. Guys really go for that, but always take the spoons off me.

My wish is for everyone to be happy. Not much to ask for, is it? And if they are not happy, they are just miserable bastards. *pout*

Thanks.

Pssst, any of the male judges want a blow job? That's my real talent. Come on, you know you wanna. No, no, NO! What do you mean, "trying to influence the votes"? Pfft!