THE MEMORIAL - Feedback please

[jon.hayworth]

"THE MEMORIAL" category Anal.

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=45768

This is the second erotic story set in Roman Britain that I have written - the first was "JULIANA'S LAST STAND".

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=35635

I would like some feedback answering these questions.
1. - Does the historical genre suit erotic fiction.
2. - Have I gone overboard on the historical detail and in doing so de-eroticised the story.
3. - General comments - I have had some favourable feedback but that does not mean it was right for most people.

jon

 

[Impetus]

1) Personally, I like it. I think it shows attention to detail and intelligence. Anyone can just pound out a few erotic paragraphs, to add a little history to the story makes it interesting and unique. I'd be wary, however, of mixing modern concepts in there. They don't mix well. "Do not go there?" Not good in this context. The pair discussing the nature of their relationship? Seemed odd to me. Also, you probably don't want to do your footnotes with roman numerals, as a rogue 'i' is much more likely to be absorbed into a word than seen as a footnote. I had no idea even what the numerals were doing untill I got to the end of the story. Try brackets and/or arabic numbers instead.

2) I don't think so. To add 'just a few' historical touches makes me feel that the author is adding them just to be 'cute', to add a little bit of niche to his story. I don't think the accuracy detracts from the eroticism, and it certainly shows detail to the production of the story.

3) I did spot some technical errors, missing commas, mostly. I thought the sex was pretty intense too, the woman was nearly a succubus and, while such a dominant female might not be the norm for said period in history, it nonetheless makes for an interesting story. I would have, perhaps, liked to know how the pair turned out, but leaving that hanging is a creative choice. Generally, I liked the story. Good writing.

-I

 

[jon.hayworth]

Impetus,

Thank you for taking the time to read the story.

I agree with you the use of modern phrases does not sit well in the story.

I will also use a different numbering system if I use end-notes again. In Juliana's Last Stand I incorporated explanation of terms into the main body of the text, on reflection I felt this made the story cumbersome to read.

As to the endings, I try to leave them as the artefact that has been my muse dictates.

I know I really must do a lot of work on my English Grammar.

Once again thank you.

jon

 

[KJGirlie]

If historical fiction didn't lend itself to erotica, half of the romance novels in existence today would never have been published.

Just keep it in mind and keep up the good work.