The Long Awaited Sequel: Lesson In Biology Ch. IV

[GuyJD]

It had taken me about 3 years to finally put together a sequel to my story, "Lesson In Biology" trilogy. I'd received numerous emails and PMs asking me when I was going to submit Chapter 4 and now it's online. Sadly though, I don't feel I've put as much heart and effort into this story as I had the previous stories but that's my opinion. At the time I'd written it, I had (and still have) many other story ideas in my head. However because of my readers' demand, I devoted time to create Chapter 4.

Please feel free to take a look at it and tell me what you think: "Lesson In Biology- Chapter IV: Another Lesson To Learn"

ENJOY!!!

 

[GuyJD]

Literoticans Please, when I asked for feedback I didn't mean to keep it to yourself.
Please speak up....Is it good, bad, great, shitty? Whatever the case may be, trust me, you won't be the first to tell me. This is no time to plea the 5th.

http://www.picpop.com/gallery/albums/userpics/0823/needsmoreposts.jpg

 

[kbate]

Lessons in Biology Ch. 04
by GuyJD ©

Chapter 4: A New Lesson To Learn"

Ebony had her suspicions about her friend, Erica. Somehow, Erica's new lover sounded alot like her boyfriend, Mark. Eventually, Erica confided to another friend of hers about her new found lover of the past three months and word got back to Ebony. So she decided to take matters into her own hands. In other words, beat the living hell out of Erica for fucking with her man.

Ebony was on her way to Erica's house for a fight; she was pissed, suspecting that Erica was cheating with her boyfriend Mark.

The opening 4 paragraphs are a bit confused and could use a rewrite to chop the fat. My version is shorter and says much the same.
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"Ebony felt like the chocolate icing between two vanilla cookies. "

This line simply has no value. I do not know how chocolate icing feels and cannot get hot and bothered trying to figure it out.
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"Damn, this is fucking hot.", Erica said, "I got a great fucking idea." Erica reached for her camera cellphone that her mom gave her for her birthday and took a pictures of Ebony as she was cumming and screaming. Erica thought about sending the pictures to other friends but realized that some of their friends would have problems with them fucking with white guys. So she decided to get Ebony's decision on it later.

"Damn, this is fucking hot," Erica said. She reached for her camera phone and began taking pictures of Ebony as she was cumming and screaming. She would tease Ebony with them later.

Presumably at least one white guy has been a boyfriend for several months, why would her friends suddenly care about her sleeping with him?
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The threesome with Ebony, Mark, and Alex went on for about a half hour as Erica took cellphone pictures of it and later began playing with her clit when she could no longer take the excitement of the three. Suddenly, Ebony could feel Alex's cock grow harder and thicker and she knew what was coming next.PP

Alex then tensed up and yelled, "OH GOD, I'm cuuuuuuuuummm......ingggg".PP

Then he exploded deep inside Ebony's ass, which brought another strong orgasm for Ebony as Mark continued plowing his cock in and out of her tight pussy. Alex continued plowing for a couple of strokes until every ounce of cum had drained from his cock and then he slowly pulled out. Ebony felt complete emptinessempty when Alex pulled his cock from her ass. Once Alex stepped off of the bed, PP
Mark turned their bodies over again and placed Ebony's healthy black legs on his shoulders as he continued fucking Ebony into complete exhaustness. Ebony was now going crazy as she felt Mark's cock penetrating her even deeper than before. And the deeper his cock plowed, the tighter Ebony's pussy was gripping it. Needless to say just minutes after Alex released his millions of babymaking sperm into Ebony's ass, Mark began to donate his as well. Feeling another orgasm coming, Ebony tensed up and held Mark tight. Then Mark's body tensed as well. Just as Ebony began cumming, Mark's cum slammed deep inside Ebony's sweet pussy. Feeling them cumming at the exact same moment nearly made Ebony pass out from excitement. She knew that she and Mark were made for each other when they came together. Maybe even soulmates. Afterall, neither one could live without the other.

Here we have the mandatory long paragraph for the sex and orgasm part. I would delete all the words in brown and break it into several paragraphs.

Obviously you have a fan base for Ebony's adventures and the story is quite nice. I may read the rest to find if this one fits the whole story or should be a new book entirely rather than a chapter.

 

[GuyJD]

Thank you, kbate, for your comment and critique. I truly value your opinion.