The legal problem story - begging for help

[cocput]

I had submitted a story, which can be read at:

http://www.literotica.com/s/the-legal-problem-the-beginning

I am ashamed of myself for pushing a first draft for general viewership. I would have asked for help earlier, if I had realized that I needed ask it before clicking the Submit button.

Reading comments made me realize that to give justice to the story, i cannot proceed without external help.

The story was intended as a three part set, and the above link is part 1.

I would appreciate any and all help from patient editors.

Thank you.

 

[palisa]

Could I make a suggestion?

It seems to me that you're trying to run before you can walk as far as English writing goes. It seems clear that English isn't your native language. That's fine. Your story, as it begins, has some promise, but an editor would really rip it up. It's not the flow of the story, but all the grammatical and word usage problems that appear. Many of them won't be caught by a spell checker, but some should have been. For example, "maybe" is one word, not "may be." But things like "had n't" should have been flagged. It's "hadn't." One word.

My own opinion is that while the story starts out interestingly, the bumps in your writing, especially over four pages, are going to make it hard to find an editor who will contribute all the work that will have to be done to finish a three-part story.

To put it bluntly, I would delete this story from the site if I were you unless I am wrong, and you do succeed in finding an editor who will scrub it and the next chapters. I would wait, and resubmit the story later, after you have more English writing experience under your belt and after you are more experienced in the English idiom.

Prepositions are tough for a non-native English speaker/writer. Is it "in home" or "at home"? Do men wear a suit, or clothes, or a dress? Articles are also tough. When is it "a," or "the," or no article at all?

I would suggest that you start out with some short stories -- try some things of a length an editor can digest. Learn from the corrections an editor makes, and apply them to your three-part story one by one before resubmitting it.

I'm sorry if this sounds harsh, but the way you began to develop your posted story shows some writing talent. But the mechanics of writing in English are sabotaging you.

 

[cocput]

Thank you for your frank opinion.
My mother tongue is not English, though I have been thinking in english for most of my life.

After the set of comments I received, I have already put one round of correction in the original story. The one about Carla and Clara. things like that. I will be revisiting the submitted work, as well as all the works with the suggestions you have made.

I am committed to the story. So I think I will let this story stay, as a reminder of what I did wrong. As soon as I can get help, I will remove it and re submit the three parts together.

I understand your suggestion on going shorter first. But, I do not want to start short, and then expand to longer versions. My learning style is not like that. (I may be a rookie in story writing, but I am very good in my profession and I am aware of the newbie not-my-style argument.) I would rather jump at a charging bull, than spent time learning how to handle a charging bull by watching and learning it. It's not that I don't want to learn. I will either be so obsessed with learning that I will never do it. Or, I will end up seeing too many deficiencies in me that I will discourage myself from attempting it, maybe lose interest.

For me, writing is a process of reliving a dream: trying to recollect every aspect of it, as accurately as I can, and recounting it. It has always been a meditative exercise, and not a creative exercise. I have returned to writing erotica as a means of articulating the string of thoughts coursing through my mind and giving it a sense of concreteness.
Now, I want to expand this to a creative exercise as well. If that means I have to relearn high school grammar, then I will do it.

I am still looking forward for meeting patient editors.

 

[hkf999]

Hi, I am an editor and I have some time on my hands as well as some experience in this type of thing, would you like me to edit your story??

Henning

 

[cocput]

I just completed the series again.

Currently
part-1 contains approx 15,500 words
part-2 contains approx 15,000 words
part-3 contains approx 27,000 words

My characters misbehaved and suddenly I am having a novella instead of the intended long story.

I have just uploaded a simplified corrected version, in which I have removed all obvious errors pointed out to me so far.

 

[cocput]

The first part after editing is already up.

I am about to submit part-2

Part-3 will be submitted soon after part-2 gets uploaded.

My special thanks to Henning for helping the story out.

Thank you for your support.

 

[dewanand]

Maybe you must buy a good grammar book on English grammar. Another idea is to buy the newest Collins Cobuild Advanced Learning Dictionairy, with CD rom (offline edition) and this will improve your writing skills day by day.

English is also not my native language, it's Dutch, but I have already written some 400,000 words in English and published two English books. I think that I need to write one million words in English before I will be a higher graded English writer. I already wrote about 1,5 million words in Dutch and you can see them all on my site, see the link below.

Learning to write in English is discipline and one thing that is very helpful is blind typing and practicing everyday till late at night. If you want we can do some mail correspondence to learn English better. I am on almost 30 English forums and after may this year I want to write fulltime only in English to learn this language better and to publish more things globally. However I am a Hindu writer and I write for Altecrea and the other million Hindu gods and goddesses, so my motivition to work hard could be stronger than yours. Mail me if you want and we can become penpals.

bye

dewanand
delft holland
hindu writer