the joys of having an affair

[pandora]

Hey everyone. I'm new to this but I thought I'd give this a shot. The characters are real, but the names need to be changed to protect the guilty.
Here's the basics. Married female puts an ad in the online personals. Married male replys. They talk online for a few weeks and decide to meet. Second time they meet they have incrediable oral sex and intercourse. There's romance involved on both there parts, culminating in him teaching her the fine art of anal sex. If anyone can use any part of this or all of it, have fun with it and make it last for hours. We do. Pan

 

[Guest]

IT'S OVER

This was a very beautiful relationship.It ended because of the stupidity and stubborness of both parties.I know first hand because I am one of them.I love her very much.I will miss her forever.

 

[Guest]

sorry to hear that

 

[dangerfield_50]

The Beauty of an affair is when it is New.. AS it ages it comes more work to keep alive than a marrige.. I know this one all to well.. The one I love is Not the one i am married too,and the one I love has decided to move on with her life because there is No future in a married man..

We Still see each other but I can slowly see our 2 year Loving relationship dieing.. I am happy she has found a Good man that can share his life with her.. I am sad I am not that man..

Now I Know how she has felt for those years because now I am waiting for her to find time for me..

The Worm does turn and it does have teeth

 

[EmeraldEyes]

Call me crazy, or maybe a bit oldfashioned, but I do not see anything joyous about an affair! When you make a vow to someone you are pledging your love and your life to them. What happened to that? If "the magic is gone" or if there is no passion in your marriage, get a fucking divorce!! I swear, sometimes adults by age alone are more childish than children!

 

[Quiet_Cool]

Maybe I miss the point here...

Emerald Eyes has a good point there. What's the point of being married when all you do is wear the ring. I know sex is supposed to be fun, so when the spice is running dry, buy some handcuffs! That's always fun...
I'm a pretty young guy, not too young, but still young enough that some people feel that I'm naive...but married has been a concept that was once cherished and is now seemingy meaningless. Women wonder why I won't be in a committed relationship, and it's because relationships aren't committed any more...
The joy of an affair tends to be in the idea...it's forbidden fruit, and that makes it more desireable...just like, to some men (I'm not implying myself, understand) underage girls are a desire...but that's not a reason to run off and pursue these things...just because you desire them. TO say that is almost to say those men SHOULD have sex with young girls...And let's face it...we can't live in a world where the little bit of innocence we still have is diminished yet more...
So, write the story...have the fantasy, act it out with your partner--as in "role-play"--but, in the words of many an angry wife..."Keep it in your pants!"

 

[EmeraldEyes]

Marriage has been a concept that was once cherished and is now seemingy meaningless.

That was very well said, and is very true. I have been engaged twice in my life so far (and am in my mid twenties), but did NOT go down the aisle because I discovered that neither relationship was for me. (After spending well over two years with both men.) When I do make my vows, they will be for eternity, not "til death do us part". But, like I stated one before, I guess some of those good ole'fashioned values made an impression on my mind.

Like Quiet Cool also stated, if the spice is gone, if your spouce can't spark your flame...TRY SOMETHING NEW!!! Role play. Break out the sex toys together. Go to a hardware store or pet store and look around with a creative mind and make up some new sex games or toys!!!

 

[Guest]

An experienced opinion

I have been married for 14 years now going on 15.I was married for 12 years and it had gotten to the point that we had a child and bills that kept us together.We were civil to each other but there wasn't much love in it.I was one of the kind that didn't believe in extramarital affairs either.I was so lonely for years.Then I met a woman on line.It brought love and life back into me.We met and became lovers.I can tell you myself that to this day I don't regret meeting her at all.I think before anyone makes or passes judgement they need to wear the shoes.

 

[Guest]

Another experienced opinion.

I think before anyone makes or passes judgement they need to wear the shoes.

Though never married, I have been in your positon, though. I have gotten out of two long term relationships, both engagements and living arrangements where we had shared bills and responsibilities, because of various problems. (Main one always being a lack of love.)

A loveless marriage/family is NO life for a child to grow up in and around. Staying together "for the kids sake" really does not benefit them. In the long run, it hurts them. (I know this one from experience of being an adult-child of this lifestyle.)

And, you can try to justify this to yourself all you want, but it will never change my mind about infedelity, cheating, or cheaters!

 

[dangerfield_50]

How nice it is to see people who enjoy reading and writeing erotica with such high morals and ideals.. How many ways can one find to keep the lust alive in a relationship that has grown cold from years of familiarity?? How far does one go to maintain what has taken a life time to build?? A marrige or committed relationship takes two to keep it alive, and a long term lifetime relationship brings many things to valuable to lose..
Has anyone awoke to the same person next to them for so many years they already know how their partner will look when you first see them in the morning,how they will greet you to start the day,how much shared pain of life does it take to make one call it over??
Sorry but those are things that Build relationships.. The longer we are together as couples the more we need to Keep lust alive , and the harder that becomes..
Sometime we have to find avenues for our passions or they eat us from withen.. My Message to the Young lady was ment to open her eyes to the price we pay for the pleasure and passion of an extramarital affair, not to discourage her.. When we exercise discreation and know the rules it is a marvelious thing that Can and Does keep a marrige alive
I make no appoligies for my actions.. So at least one of us perverts who visi here Knows why he is doing it

 

[EmeraldEyes]

 

[Guest]

Interesting reading here. I did notice though that all the ones who are so against an affair are the ones who aren't married. Every person has their own ideas of what is considered right or wrong. I'm not saying either side is, that is something I choose to keep to myself. For those who realized before it was too late and didn't take the big plunge, I applaud your early eye opening. For those whom eyes opened after they were committed to someone I say this: everyone has a soulmate somewhere in this world, sometimes you find them too late and sometimes not at all, but before anyone, yes anyone here plays judge and jury it would probably benefit them to live in the others shoes. You so called "good doers" really know how to give advice but until you have been put into the position of the "bad" ones you can't really understand where they are coming from. As for staying with someone because of children and the response to that, again not everyone is alike. Maybe this person shows his/her love to their spouse and the child in more ways than anyone could ever imagine. None of us are perfect now are we, I know I'm not so therefore I choose not to judge. I will say this, I know one of these people personally the other one I've talked to since I live some distance from them both. For both of them, their family comes first. They are both just like you and I, they get up and go to work everyday to give their families a better life. They show the spouses love and respect, yes I can hear it now, how can you show respect when you're having an affair, again all I can say is you have to know the circumstances. Their children lack for nothing and they are the first ones there if anything goes wrong. Those two people are also the best of friends although they both seemed to get stubborn at times and forget that. Their's is truly a meeting of two souls that should have found each other before commitments were made but fate didn't let them. Don't condemn them for finding that perfect someone, we should all be so lucky in life to find ours. And as I said, until you are in the position that the two of them are in, don't judge them either for you have no idea what they have or will go through. I didn't keep my opinion to myself very well, but hopefully two stubborn people will get my point and at least be friends again.

 

[dangerfield_50]

Thank you whom ever you are..
I see no need to add anything to what you said..
Emerald eyes always remember there is only 6 inches between a Halo and a Noose..
I Hope Life deals you the cards to alow you to always feel as You do now, But I Honestly don't have much Hope for you.. It is a Long fall when we place ourelves on High Pedestals..
What a Terrible thing it is to be Human

 

[EmeraldEyes]

I did notice though that all the ones who are so against an affair are the ones who aren't married.

I have never once cheated on a boyfriend, and once I do marry I will not cheat, either. So, don't sit there and try to say that single people do not know the pressures of a relationship, or that we do not "count". When I finally vow my life to a man (ONE man) that will be it. I have gotten out of relationships in the past when things have gotten bad. I didn't take the coward's way out by cheating.


dangerfield:
I'm sorry you feel that way about me, but honestly I could care less. I have a clear, guilt free mind. Do you?

 

[dangerfield_50]

Emerald Eyes
I have No ill will toward you at all, I appreciate your ideals and morals.. Other wise I wouldn't have responded to any of your thoughts.. I admire people who say what they think, and mean what they say..
Our lives change everyday, what is carved in stone today may become dust tomorrow.. We have to be willing to bend in the wind in order to grow tall and proud..
I agree with your standards, I just can't live by them.. I am glad you can..
In these times as people are again killing people because of a defination of God ..I feel my loving of two beautiful women is far from the top of any list.. Yes my concious is Clear I sleep very well at night..
Debateing with someone does not mean anger ,it only means an open line of communication with different views on a given subject.. You my dear I do enjoy exchangeing ideas with..
Who knows you may save an Old Mans Soul !!!!!!!

 

[Quiet_Cool]

Emerald Eyes
I have No ill will toward you at all, I appreciate your ideals and morals.. Other wise I wouldn't have responded to any of your thoughts.. I admire people who say what they think, and mean what they say..
Our lives change everyday, what is carved in stone today may become dust tomorrow.. We have to be willing to bend in the wind in order to grow tall and proud..
I agree with your standards, I just can't live by them.. I am glad you can..

Who knows you may save an Old Mans Soul !!!!!!!

Save an old man's soul? Low blow? THat's a shot to the ankles, Buddy. My guess...She's not trying to save you...she's not even trying to change you...she just wants acknowledgement of what she's saying from an appropriate angle...
I hate to sound negative about some of these opinions, but where are they coming from? The concept of an affair has nothig to do with anyone other than those involved...so stop pawning it off on the kids...let's face it, a household here Mommy and Daddy are unhappy isn't is bad as a household where Mommy and Daddy can't talk at all because Mommy caught Daddy fucking his secretary and Daddy found the mailman's used condom's with Mommy's panties in the garage...We're creating some really fucked up kids here if we keep loosening the strings...I'm not trying to say that these people don't love their kids, or wouldn't do absolutely anything for them...but sometimes, good intentions don't get it done, and when you're raising a child, you dealing with far too delicate a situation to make it any more complicated. Most parents make plenty of mistakes to begin with, without even knowing what they've done until the child is full-grown and dealing with the repercussions, why do something that you know can damage his/her psyche?
As far as what you (Dangerfield_50) said about bending in the wind and growing tall and proud...People don't grow tall and proud without backbones...have the balls to live up to what you set in motion...actions have repercussions, and when you commit (that's right, when YOU commit youself--it's a choice, fate didn't do it as Unregistered implied) yourself to a wife/husband and children, running off to meet the mistress has you heading in the opposite direction. If the situation isn't right for you, get out of it...and if there are kids and you both (parents, that is) truly love them, you'll find a way to raise them without abuing each other's emotions and confidence by screwing around. Children can pick things up you don't realize they see, and parents who treat each other that way raise kids who treat others that way as well, only by then the repercussions will fall on the child, and you can't change that anymore. No matter how dire it may seem, there's always a way to better the child's life, an affair on your spouse isn't one of them.
And, when kids aren't a part of the bargain, no one even has a poor excuse for an affair, nonetheless an actual justifiable reason. You're not happy and can't or don't want to fix it...get the hell out of it then...then you can date, kiss, or fuck anyone you damn well please and it's all good. Divorce: it's not fun I'm sure, but if you're to the point where you're risking it with an affair anyway, what are you losing that you truly value? An affair is based on two people and two people alone, the ones involved. No one else has anything to do with it...just like anything you'd lie to cover up, it's selfishly motivated... what you want is the focus of it, not what you need, not what you believe in, not what has any spiritual or moral value, simply what you want. How can something that selfish be right? Or even justifiable in its wrongness? Let's lok at it from a more exact viewpoint...because something like this acts in desregard for others feelings and beliefs and their overall emotional health (this may be hard for you to grasp, but self-worth and confidence are not easy things to come by for some of us, sometimes because of the ENVIRONMENTS WE WERE RAISED IN). I'm not saying you shouldn't consider youself first (children aside of course), but consider others too before you act. People have been known to commit suicide over such things, and you can't condemn that from your stance because, by condoning your own selfishness, you condone theirs. Let's face it, the possibilities of something bad happening as a result are immense, and what is to gain that can't be over in less than a few hours at a stretch? I just don't get your viewpoints on this.
I'm not trying to pass judgement...even though it sounds very different than that, I know. THe things is, Emerald Eyes (EME, from here on, I think I'll mention her quite a bit here) and I seem to be the only two here and are thinking straight. Any given situation has a general structure...built from the bottom up. There's got to e trust...and that's something you earn. WHen you violate someone's trust, the structure comes tumbling down. Stone to dust...eh, Dangerfield_50? I was raised to respect myself, and although I may faulter in my confidence and self-respect, I also realize my position in the world. I'm no one's superior, not one's boss, and no one's rule-maker but my own. I respect others (as individuals, that is) regardless of what their opinions are, what race or ethnic group their a part of, what gender they are, or what they've done wrong in their life. I don't always show it, and sometimes things hit too close to home for me to not become clouded in my judgement, but that I repect them in this manner is always true. This means I realize they are my equals, and I'm no one impress anything on them that I wouldn't like impressed on me, and I don't mean the act, but what it generates. If I cheat on a girlfriend, thinking I don't care if she cheats on me, that situation has no reflection on what I mean here. If I cheat on her and it hurts her, what if she did something that made me feel equally as bad; that's what I consider. And no one wants to feel bad.
EME has made many good points (In a lot fewer words than i have, too...LOL--literary elephantitis, as Stephen King once put it), but she's also done more than that. She's taken a strong stand on what she believes and has shown great self-respect in doing so. Also, unlike whoever Unregistered is (register, already, don't hide behind that Unregistereed shit! Take credit for your words) she actually took a stance instead of just tossing around that "I choose not to judge" bullshit. Take a stance or shut the fuck up...I've only been on this site for a few months, but it seems to be comprised of mostly strong individuals; join the crowd. Once you get used to them, Spines are quite comfortable...And as far as the good-doers and bad-doers crap, we're not living in Gotham City, take the tights off already...it's not good versus evil, it's just a clash of personalities...happens all the time. Nothing personal, for the most part...although that Unregistered thing always gets me...we're sharing opinions, and, hopefully, listening to each other.
Communicating is the word, I think...
As far as me not being married, you've no right to judge on that...I'm young and not ready to be committed for the rest of my life, so i'm not married. It isn't that I don't know what it's like that drives this opinion, it's that marrying now will probably create a situation like the one this discussion started over, and I'm not going to be a voluntary part of that. Self-respect...remember?
And for the "walking a mile in their shoes" routine? Sorry, those shoes don't fit my feet...just wouldn't be comfortable...I'll have to pass...

 

[dangerfield_50]

Quiet_cool
Very good responce to my last posting.. My Problem is my train of thought has a few sections of track missing so by the time I got to the end of your thoughts,I had forgotten the beginning,please forgive me if i miss some points you so elequently made..
As I have said from the beginning I make No Excuses for my actions yesterday today or tomorrow.. I Need you to understand a lot of pieces are missing from the puzzle and will remain Missing in this forum.. I see no reason to go into great detail about extremely personal parts of my Life here..
I don't know you or "EME" but I admire you both your convictions ..I had the same and was totally commited to my marriage for 32 years.. Under many adverse circumstances..
Stay true to your beliefs they are Honorable and Just.
Now I am going to leave this debate when I send this reply.. I do hope to meet you both again in another agreement or disagreement.. You both are worthy opponents..
Maybe You saved an Old Mans Soul Q_C (LOL)
Signing off for this topic
Dangerfield_50

 

[EmeraldEyes]

So much you said was wonderful, but I had to quote:

Most parents make plenty of mistakes to begin with, without even knowing what they've done until the child is full-grown and dealing with the repercussions, why do something that you know can damage his/her psyche?

P.S. If the love is gone, if the sex is gone, if the passion, spark, fire, desire is gone, get the FUCK out of the marriage. Don't damage children more than they may have been! Divorces are less cruel to children than a loveless marriages/family life.

 

[Guest]

Yes this is unregistered again, and by the way I am registered but because I do know both of these people I choose to remain unknown.
I was not in anyway putting down that you or anyone else are unmarried, I also wasn't putting people into catorgies, I believe some people have already done that. As for my not having an opinion, I have let my two friends know how I feel in person, there isn't any reason to bring it up on here. Either way I think or you think or anyone thinks isn't going to change the past. Also, something that I'm sure none of you have thought of......what if the affair had the spouses approval, no lying, no hiding, blessings. What some fail to see here is that other cultures have different beliefs, so if someone doesn't think your way, who are you to say they are right or wrong. They're just different from your own. Differences are what makes this planet and its people interesting. I didn't say to put on anyone shoes, I said that until you've walked in them, and maybe you are too young to understand what that means or you just chose to ingore it, you cannot judge anyone. I believe I'm with Dangerfield on this and saying this is my last post. I realize now why it's been so long since I've come here to Lit. there's too many people who want to impose their thinking on you instead of debating it like it use to be here. Oh for the old days, by the way Tiggs, it was good to see you're still here and using words beautifully as before.

 

[EmeraldEyes]

You're a member here yet you post as a guest? Hell, on this thing called the internet you can be anyone you wish to be. You can be as open about your real self or as closed. Hell, you could be Princess Di's ghost if you're so enclinded to be. Why be a coward and hide your "Lit name"? I certainly have nothing more to say in this thread.

 

[Guest]

I know who you are Unregistered!!!!

Interesting reading here. I did notice though that all the ones who are so against an affair are the ones who aren't married. Every person has their own ideas of what is considered right or wrong. I'm not saying either side is, that is something I choose to keep to myself. For those who realized before it was too late and didn't take the big plunge, I applaud your early eye opening. For those whom eyes opened after they were committed to someone I say this: everyone has a soulmate somewhere in this world, sometimes you find them too late and sometimes not at all, but before anyone, yes anyone here plays judge and jury it would probably benefit them to live in the others shoes. You so called "good doers" really know how to give advice but until you have been put into the position of the "bad" ones you can't really understand where they are coming from. As for staying with someone because of children and the response to that, again not everyone is alike. Maybe this person shows his/her love to their spouse and the child in more ways than anyone could ever imagine. None of us are perfect now are we, I know I'm not so therefore I choose not to judge. I will say this, I know one of these people personally the other one I've talked to since I live some distance from them both. For both of them, their family comes first. They are both just like you and I, they get up and go to work everyday to give their families a better life. They show the spouses love and respect, yes I can hear it now, how can you show respect when you're having an affair, again all I can say is you have to know the circumstances. Their children lack for nothing and they are the first ones there if anything goes wrong. Those two people are also the best of friends although they both seemed to get stubborn at times and forget that. Their's is truly a meeting of two souls that should have found each other before commitments were made but fate didn't let them. Don't condemn them for finding that perfect someone, we should all be so lucky in life to find ours. And as I said, until you are in the position that the two of them are in, don't judge them either for you have no idea what they have or will go through. I didn't keep my opinion to myself very well, but hopefully two stubborn people will get my point and at least be friends again.

 

[Guest]

Yes I know who you are Unregistered!!!!

I want to thank "Unregistered" fo sticking her nose in again but things have really ended this time for us.I still love her very much but we have hit a big wall on this one.I don't think we will be getting back together.We are both very stubborn and I don't believe either of us will give at all.She will always be in my heart and on my mind.Not a day has gone by that I haven't wanted to tell her that I love her and I'm sorry.Maybe one day she will want to be friends again and I can tell her that.Till then I'll just miss her and be lonely without her."Unregistered" you know who I am too!!!

 

[Guest]

Oh you got the general location right, friend, but the nose being stuck in it wasn't the females, and we both know who I mean on that, but the males. Shocked by that? Thought you might be.

 

[EmeraldEyes]

So, instead of running this out on Lit as TWO "guests" who are jilted lovers and married to OTHER people, why not take it private to your e-mails??? We don't need to see a love affair gone wrong. You're acting like you are married to one another and had been betrayed. Hmmmm, wonder what your spouces would say if they came here?

 

[Guest]

I guess I was wrong "Unregistered"!!!

And here you sounded so much like her that you really fooled me into thinking you were the female version.I still thank you very much for the effort.It is deeply appreciated.Oh, by the way for you and all the experts out there I got the chance to tell her that I loved her and that I was sorry and we are back together again.For you I hope it makes you happy....for them who judge who really gives a big shit anyway?!!! Thanks to Dangerfield also who wasn't so quick to condemn but listened and added some really good points.There are good and bad ones in a situation like this I admit that but in this rotten ass world why condemn someone for finding love in someone else even if it seems wrong?Everybody deserves happiness and I am one who will not begrudge anyone that.Even if what they do goes against my own thoughts and morals.In this time and day love no matter how wrong it seems is still love and to me why is it so bad?The ones who are so set against it I hope you are placed in the position just like this one day.I WAS on your side also at one time!!!!