The Isolated Blurt BDSM Thread
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Kajira Callista
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I need to stop using the word can't. I don't think it fits who I am.
Sir_Winston54
Assume the position!
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Agreed.
ultramarineblue
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I'm feeling better about things now. I didn't go talk to him yet. As much as I wanted to do that it didn't work out. I'm kinda glad it didn't because I need to have my mind completely together. I thought I did earlier today but I realize now that I'm not ready.
The things that I will have to say go completely against my nature. I feel like I'm topping from the bottom. I know that I'm just stating my limits with him being able to take care of himself financially. However, it just doesn't feel right for me to say what he needs to do to keep me. This is really confusing to me because my submissive nature wants to accept what he chooses to do because he is the PYL. Which if that is the way it should be, then we just aren't compatible. I think he wants and intends to take care of himself and meet his obligations. Intentions don't pay bills though.
Ugh. It just feels so weird and wrong to tell him how some things will have to be if he wants to keep a relationship with me.
Any and all advice welcome.
The things that I will have to say go completely against my nature. I feel like I'm topping from the bottom. I know that I'm just stating my limits with him being able to take care of himself financially. However, it just doesn't feel right for me to say what he needs to do to keep me. This is really confusing to me because my submissive nature wants to accept what he chooses to do because he is the PYL. Which if that is the way it should be, then we just aren't compatible. I think he wants and intends to take care of himself and meet his obligations. Intentions don't pay bills though.
Ugh. It just feels so weird and wrong to tell him how some things will have to be if he wants to keep a relationship with me.
Any and all advice welcome.
Sir_Winston54
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Sometimes I think I'm too mean. Or harsh, or picky, or too much of a perfectionist. Something along those lines.
ultramarineblue
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minx1
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I have also struggled with those feelings hon if it's any consolation.
Look I dont know the details, but you aren't topping from the bottom, you are just setting out the parameters (and hopefully mutually agreeing them) within which your relationship will work.
It isn't wrong that you want to have your needs met and it isnt wrong to have certain expectations of how things will work. Neither is wrong to let him know if there is a problem.
I think this is where a lot of us (pyls) feel uncomfortable because it feels like we are taking control, but that isnt the case. Once you have established and agreed how the relationship will operate and the expectations on both of you and limits etc, then you can commit to the relationship and submit to his control and decisions.
But why would you be expected to submit to someone or accept the behaviour of a PYL when you have a fundamental problem with that behaviour or aspect of the relationship.
Thats just my opinion. Raise it and explain politely and in an appropriate manner for your relationship. Tell him it makes you feel a little uncomfortable but you feel its necessary to raise it if you are ever going to consider the relationship working.
Hope it helps a little
rida
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If you were telling him what to wear or how to keep his hair, I could understand your reluctance.
But being able to take care of oneself financially it is a basic requirement, in my opinion, for a person to be relationship material. I understand that there are times and circumstances when it is not possible and a person has to rely on external help (illnesses, finishing a degree, temporary unemployment, etc). But baring those circumstances, if you cannot take care of your own basic necessity or are not going to pinch in with manual labor in the partnership (i.e. being the one that take care of the house or what not), than I personally would not consider a relationship. Let alone a D/s one.
As for your statement on his intentions. You are right, intentions do not pay bills.
My practical two yen.
minx1
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I love living alone too.
A couple of years ago I had a bloke break into my house whilst I was there.. as he tried to escape the police. It was scary.
I think it made me more personal safety aware. I dont want to live in the equivalent of Fort Knox, but have put my own plans in place to help me feel a little safer.
I know my escape route too, should I ever need to use one.
chy_girl
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I've never seen you be mean, harsh, picky or to much of a perfectionist when it wasn't warranted. And I'm sure there are others that would agree when I say you're very likable just the way you are.
Kajira Callista
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A low tolerance for bullshit, knowing it and calling it for what it is... and knowing peoples ability and having faith in it. Never a bad thing old one
Sir_Winston54
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Thanks, y'all. 
Ya know, I almost never like hurting someone's feelings - unless they've shown themselves to be complete asshats already - but I do feel that people should have and live up to standards reflecting the position they claim... and sometimes it's just too hard to sit back and ignore things.
Ya know, I almost never like hurting someone's feelings - unless they've shown themselves to be complete asshats already - but I do feel that people should have and live up to standards reflecting the position they claim... and sometimes it's just too hard to sit back and ignore things.
K
Kitty_Schrödinger
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Oh the enthusiasm of the newbie... and stupidity too! 
catalina_francisco
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I am so tired of being sick, going to doctors and having tests...and the impact it has had on our life of late...but I know it will pass and we are both just waiting for that moment.
Catalina
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intothewoods
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You might want to try a new lawyer.
Bandit58
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I know how that feels Cat
Lately it seems like our life has no time in it for just US....what with dialysis every 2nd day and speedway rainouts and 2 day meetings stretching to 3 or 4....plus doctors and clinics and shopping and everything else.
I'm hoping Thursday afternoon can be "our" time, we really need it even if we just catch up on sleep together!
intothewoods
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That stinks. We've had our run with this too, and also some emotional lows, and it has made some things we previously took for granted a bit more complicated.
tigressnred
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will he be able to keep up? God love us but he played a cruel joke by giving us different sexual peaks! Grrrr!
ultramarineblue
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I have also struggled with those feelings hon if it's any consolation.
Look I dont know the details, but you aren't topping from the bottom, you are just setting out the parameters (and hopefully mutually agreeing them) within which your relationship will work.
It isn't wrong that you want to have your needs met and it isnt wrong to have certain expectations of how things will work. Neither is wrong to let him know if there is a problem.
I think this is where a lot of us (pyls) feel uncomfortable because it feels like we are taking control, but that isnt the case. Once you have established and agreed how the relationship will operate and the expectations on both of you and limits etc, then you can commit to the relationship and submit to his control and decisions.
But why would you be expected to submit to someone or accept the behaviour of a PYL when you have a fundamental problem with that behaviour or aspect of the relationship.
Thats just my opinion. Raise it and explain politely and in an appropriate manner for your relationship. Tell him it makes you feel a little uncomfortable but you feel its necessary to raise it if you are ever going to consider the relationship working.
Hope it helps a little
If you were telling him what to wear or how to keep his hair, I could understand your reluctance.
But being able to take care of oneself financially it is a basic requirement, in my opinion, for a person to be relationship material. I understand that there are times and circumstances when it is not possible and a person has to rely on external help (illnesses, finishing a degree, temporary unemployment, etc). But baring those circumstances, if you cannot take care of your own basic necessity or are not going to pinch in with manual labor in the partnership (i.e. being the one that take care of the house or what not), than I personally would not consider a relationship. Let alone a D/s one.
As for your statement on his intentions. You are right, intentions do not pay bills.
My practical two yen.
Thank you both. I really needed to hear that. There are a few things that I think cross the line a little but at the same time, I need to see those things in action for my peace of mind. I have to know he can truly take care of himself in all areas before I can really consider letting him take care of me. Seeing him not do it always has really damaged my trust in him.
ultramarineblue
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Thanks, y'all.
Ya know, I almost never like hurting someone's feelings - unless they've shown themselves to be complete asshats already - but I do feel that people should have and live up to standards reflecting the position they claim... and sometimes it's just too hard to sit back and ignore things.
I feel that way too at times. I just hope that I live up to high standards. I'm always afraid I don't live up to high enough standards to expect them out of other people.
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