The incest enigma

[headdoctor]

Younger fans of erotic stories might not know that in the 1970s Penthouse Forum would publish incest stories. They were considered "alternative" but still mainstream (and legal) enough for publication in a national magazine. I can remember the thrill of reading them, and I remain fascinated by the erotics of incest. Times change, and perhaps for good reason, but we can still encounter the same enigma at work today: although incest is widely considered illicit and destructive by our dominant culture, at the same time it's also widely considered erotic and intriguing. On this website, family stories are second in popularity only to the vague "erotic couplings" category. So incest, while widely reviled in our broader culture (unlike, today, BDSM), holds not only a subaltern or lower place, it seems to have a uniquely marginalized place--hiding in plain sight. What gives?

I want to wade into these troubled waters, hoping to find some intelligent correspondents to share thoughts over messages and email. I want to be clear about two things: first, yes, I am drawn to the erotic fantasies of family situations, and I enjoy role-plays and story telling; but I'm also very interested in non-erotic conversations, and that's what this thread is hoping for. Second, I have done enough research to know that often real incest can be traumatic, and I don't ask that we ignore that in the name of desire. Over the past twenty years or so I've spoken with a few dozen women and a few men who have had sexual experiences in their family; all were changed by it, all saw it as complicated (if only because they felt obligated to keep such an important part of their lives closeted), and, yes, some were very hurt by it. All I can say is that I abhor the notion of causing suffering. Rather, I'm interested in how we can talk about a real desire that is confusing and dangerous, exciting and yet secret. For this reason, I'm as interested in fantasies as in true experiences, maybe more interested in fantasies. How do we square forbidden desires with our learned prohibitions?

I'm actually not trying to start another polemical thread in which we debate the social boundaries around family sex. I'm sure that, individually, some are repulsed and some are aroused and some are "libertarian" in their nonjudgmental attitude. Instead, I'm hoping that a few folks will be interested enough to message me, so that we can explore the complexities together. I would prefer to keep my own experiences and thoughts private; I admire those who speak openly about their lives on this forum, but I'd rather open up in messages and emails. I prefer messaging with women, though I'm open to discussing it with men as well. I'm sorry if I sound like a jerk about this, but I'm really not interested in overheated incest stories, so please don't start there. It's the reality that I'm after, and it's intelligent, mature conversation that I'd like. (I don't want to sound disingenuous: some of it turns me on, and maybe a conversation will heat up. But that's not what I'm looking for in this thread. Rather, I want honest, thoughtful messaging.)

As you can tell, I'm comfortable writing in paragraphs. I don't text, and I like complete thoughts in complete sentences. And: I'm around 50, live in the northeast, am educated and professional, have limits to what I've done and what I would do, and know that I'm reaching here. But if there's a bright, kind, intellectually curious woman who is interested in the psychology, the history, the art, and the reality of family sexuality, I'm absolutely ready to open it up together.

 

[Charismata]

I have experienced incest with several family members. With two of them it was a kind of casual, exploratory, same-sex thing that happened a few times and then no more. With another, it was the result of shared pain. My brother and I had a one time sexual encounter while we were both going through very painful divorces. It happened. I think it's safe to say we both enjoyed it and neither of us was overly traumatized by the fact that it happened. My final encounter was with my father and that, by far, was the most exciting but also the most traumatic of my personal experiences based on my father's feelings of guilt and how he chose to (not) deal with them. I'm not sorry that it happened but I'm sorry that it caused him pain and that his pain caused me to sometimes feel unloved even though I realize now it was just the opposite. If anything he loved me too much.

 

[cf600]

Over a 27 year marriage to my first wife, at various times I had sexual experiences with both of my wife’s sisters, both with and without the knowledge and consent of my wife. One sister was 1 ½ older and the other was 5 years younger. It wasn’t until the last few years of my marriage that my wife alluded that herself and her sisters had been sexually exploited by close male family members (uncles) and quite possibly by their father. After my wife died, my older sister in law told me that she as an adult would engage in sex with her father on a regular basis. Likewise my younger sister in law had a few occasions of what some would call inappropriate touching by her father as well.
All of their attitudes were the same, in that this is what every family does and it wasn’t wrong. I will admit that I did take advantage of this and I do regret that.

 

[LWulf]

Penthouse forum wasn't the only one. There were also erotic stories about bestiality and other taboo subject matter. About the only one they didn't broach was the "younger than 18" barrier, but even then there were some stories that skirted the issue.