The Hypochondriac Cafe

[NoJo]

My neck is stiff. I need an orgasm.

 

[OhMissScarlett]

Complain about your aches, pains, rashes, nasal congestion, allergies or what-have-you here. If you don't know what you have, just give us your symptoms and we'll give our expert opinions. If you don't have a disease and would like something interesting, just ask here and one will be appointed.

 

[carsonshepherd]

Okay.... let's see, where to start?

I woke up with my every-other-month migraine this morning but it's down to just a sinus headache now.

FOr the last 3 weeks i've had this rash that the doctor says is an allergic reaction to an "unknown agent"... well no shit. It's very itchy, I want to constantly scratch and scratch, especially on the bottoms of my feet. Yesterday he said I couldn't have any more steroids, so now I have to go to a dermatologist, and then probably an allergist.

fuck. i hate doctors.

 

[impressive]

Complain about your aches, pains, rashes, nasal congestion, allergies or what-have-you here. If you don't know what you have, just give us your symptoms and we'll give our expert opinions. If you don't have a disease and would like something interesting, just ask here and one will be appointed.

Gimme a chronic condition which requires treatment via cunnilingus B.I.D. and a good hard fucking PRN.

 

[OhMissScarlett]

My neck is stiff. I need an orgasm.

Nex thing you'll be telling me is that your hand hurts.

 

[OhMissScarlett]

Gimme a chronic condition which requires treatment via cunnilingus B.I.D. and a good hard fucking PRN.

I've seen this kinda thing before, it's the disease we in folk medicine call "hornybitchitis".

 

[sophia jane]

I've been getting tension headaches pretty much everyday. All day.

I need a massage, I think.

SJ

 

[rgraham666]

Nothing wrong with me.

I smoke, don't eat properly, only walk for exercise.

And every year my doctor says, "I hate you" as he finds everything still works and pretty good too. The mileage is starting to show, but no major problems.

 

[OhMissScarlett]

My hip and leg always hurt, I think it's sciatica(or however you spell it). My right elbow hurts, but that's probably my own fault for masturbating and looking at too much porn. I just gave myself a papercut and we're out of Spiderman bandaids.

 

[fieryjen]

Ooh, I would like a little disease please! I've been disgustingy healthy lately!

 

[NoJo]

Ooh, I would like a little disease please! I've been disgustingy healthy lately!

Ahh, Finally. And they thought I was finished.

 

[ABSTRUSE]

I have lovely arthritic knees and now it's traveling to my hands and elbows. It's fun just before a storm.

 

[OhMissScarlett]

Ahh, Finally. And they thought I was finished.

Give her your cooties, Joe.

 

[she_is_my_addiction]

I got pissed off at my sprained wrist, so I basically tore off the ace bandage and metal bar I was wearing, rolled up the bandage, and tossed both at my roommate in a frustrated rage. Now my wrist is in pain, but I'm sick of that stupid thing around my arm.

 

[impressive]

I've seen this kinda thing before, it's the disease we in folk medicine call "hornybitchitis".

Please tell me there's no cure ... only ongoing therapy!

 

[Guest]

Okay.... let's see, where to start?

I woke up with my every-other-month migraine this morning but it's down to just a sinus headache now.

FOr the last 3 weeks i've had this rash that the doctor says is an allergic reaction to an "unknown agent"... well no shit. It's very itchy, I want to constantly scratch and scratch, especially on the bottoms of my feet. Yesterday he said I couldn't have any more steroids, so now I have to go to a dermatologist, and then probably an allergist.

fuck. i hate doctors.

the unknown agent in inner angst and stress.
take five squillion valium and call me in a year.

 

[carsonshepherd]

the unknown agent in inner angst and stress.
take five squillion valium and call me in a year.

amen, sistah!

 

[ElizabethWest]

Symptoms for the day:

-Headache not helped by the last facility I audited records in this afternoon.

-Menstrual cramps starting, expect low back pain tomorrow.

Advil on board, hoping for relief soon...

 

[ElizabethWest]

On a side note...

How in the heck did Joe get in the first post before Scarlett started the thread???

 

[sincerely_helene]

I feel like I'm a superior being from another time and place trapped beneath the restraints of my own skin in order to fit within the confines of society and it's percieved reality.

 

[Luna_Wolf72]

mini-migraine and all that the words entail including but not limited to: upset stomach, dizziness (beyond my normal state), squidgy eyesight (ya'll liked that word didn't ya?)

also..my hip has been acting up causing me to limp about like Quasimodo (off and on) feels like my joint is either locked up or gone...hurts dammit...

 

[Colleen Thomas]

I've been getting tension headaches pretty much everyday. All day.

I need a massage, I think.

SJ

Hey SJ.

For a tension headache, try three advil gelcaps. About 30 minutes after taking them, lock yourself in the bathroom and take the hottest shower you can stand. Let the steam build up and let the water hit you on the back of the head and neck. The heat and massage will cause muscles to relax, the admil has a mild muscle relaxant effect and once they pressure is down some, the analgesic effect is much stronger. Dosen't always get rid of them, but it will give some temp relief and help you rmeds do their job.

 

[Guest]

 

[sophia jane]

Hey SJ.

For a tension headache, try three advil gelcaps. About 30 minutes after taking them, lock yourself in the bathroom and take the hottest shower you can stand. Let the steam build up and let the water hit you on the back of the head and neck. The heat and massage will cause muscles to relax, the admil has a mild muscle relaxant effect and once they pressure is down some, the analgesic effect is much stronger. Dosen't always get rid of them, but it will give some temp relief and help you rmeds do their job.

Thanks! I'll try that with the next one. They come in phases. I won't have one at all for months and then I'll have them everyday from the time I wake up till I go to bed, with only a little break when the meds kick in.

SJ

 

[Dar~]

My knee hurts from over exersion at the pool on saturday and my back is killing me and has been since I woke up from my night on the town sunday morning. Also I have this irritating 4 year old growth that keeps coming back and asking me to get it water or snacks.