The human factor?

[Betticus]

In my poignant musings into the realm of possibility I sometimes do ponder such things as the gentleness that is inherent in us all for the things that we cherish. I see a schism between those who are experienced and those who have not yet felt enough of the world to have the slightest inkling of what lies beneath the skin.

I shall attempt to explain this particular observation. There are it seems quite a few dominants out in the world who seek to rigidly control everything. Perhaps they are thinking that it is what is expected of them. There also has to be a very soft and heartfelt human factor in place somewhere. At some time you have to realize that your pet/slave/sub is such a wonderfully touching part of your life that you would not be happy without them. Like any relationship there is a mutual attraction that spans across many levels.

Tell me then, at what point in time does one who is dominant see in their submissive more than the rote vomiting of their understanding of the "rules" of bdsm? When is it okay to care?

 

[AngelicAssassin]

When is it okay to care?

From the very beginning. That is the keystone difference between dominate and domineer.

 

[sincerely_helene]

~Edit~ Boiiiiiing! It just came to me.

Question cancelled.

 

[Lilith]

For me the caring comes first. There has to be something happening between us that makes me want to be involved with that person on a deeper level than just play. Playmates can be people I care about on a surface level but there has to be so much more for me to submit to taking the risks involved in not just simply taking control, but forming a relationshipwith someone. It's not like instant oatmeal; add water, heat and eat.Although that will suffice to stop the hunger. It's more like Sunday morning breakfast with all the trimmings. You know that kind that nourishes your soul too.

 

[Guest]

From the very beginning. That is the keystone difference between dominate and domineer.

What he said...

 

[Netzach]

Depends. In an M/s situation I care because I want to, not because I should or because they care about me. It's different from other relationships that way.

 

[gingermango]

When is it okay to care?

Always.

For this submissive, a caring dominant is absolutely necessary, elsewise i might as well be playing alone. With all due respect to the dominants who've already answered the question, I've found that there are just too many people willing to tie up and smack around a cute sub (and vice versa; there are plenty of wannabe-subs craving the dominance). As a result, it's perfectly acceptable and encouraged to be picky about it.

Ergo, it's important to find one I can really trust to do deliciously, diabolically tormenting things to me, both for my own safety (d'uh) and for my emotional well-being. Being truly submissive is a very emotionally vulnerable position to be in - finding a dominant who understands that and cares enough on a human level to not abuse the situation is a key point to me.