The Hilarious Insults Thread

[LadyFunkenstein]

This thread is a place to quote insult posts which literally made you laugh loudly and riotously. They don't come along often, as most people just through down a lame one liner which are rarely funny.

I will kick this off with a post I found hysterical last night, and still find it funny today. By eyer of all people!

I lifted your av, blew it up, printed it out, and then nailed it up on an inside wall of my dog's house...

...just so that on these cold nights when she's all alone, she can just look at you and know the grass ain't always greener on the other side of the world.

I will add to this thread every time someone makes me laugh. Feel free to add your own.

 

[Radiohead]

This thread is a place to quote insult posts which literally made you laugh loudly and riotously. They don't come along often, as most people just through down a lame one liner which are rarely funny.

I will kick this off with a post I found hysterical last night, and still find it funny today. By eyer of all people!



I will add to this thread every time someone makes me laugh. Feel free to add your own.

Until you stop molesting goats, I'm not coming back... in absence of that, hi and bye.

 

[LadyFunkenstein]

Until you stop molesting goats, I'm not coming back... in absence of that, hi and bye.

Hey! What up!

 

[oggbashan]

Monty Python insults:

French Soldier: I don't want to talk to you no more, you empty-headed animal food trough wiper! I fart in your general direction! Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!

...

King Arthur: I am your king.

Woman: Well, I didn't vote for you.

King Arthur: You don't vote for kings.

Woman: Well how'd you become king then?

King Arthur: The Lady of the Lake, her arm clad in the purest shimmering samite held aloft Excalibur from the bosom of the water, signifying by divine providence that I, Arthur, was to carry Excalibur. THAT is why I am your king.

Dennis: [interrupting] Listen, strange women lyin' in ponds distributin' swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.

 

[oggbashan]

Shakespeare was a master:

Here, thou incestuous, murderous, damned Dane,
Drink off this potion!
Hamlet (5.2.335-6)

Thou hast the most unsavoury similes.
1 Henry IV (1.2.75)

This sanguine coward, this bed-presser, this horseback-breaker, this huge hill of flesh!
1 Henry IV (2.4.225-6)

'Sblood, you starveling, you elf-skin, you dried neat's tongue, you bull's pizzle, you stock-fish! O for breath to utter what is like thee! you tailor's-yard, you sheath, you bowcase; you vile standing-tuck!
1 Henry IV (2.4.227-9)

There’s no more faith in thee than in a stewed prune.
1 Henry IV (3.3.40)

Hang him, swaggering rascal!
2 Henry IV (2.4.66)

I scorn you, scurvy companion.
2 Henry IV (2.4.115)

Away, you mouldy rogue, away!
2 Henry IV (2.4.117)

Away, you cut-purse rascal! you filthy bung, away! By this wine, I'll thrust my knife in your mouldy chaps, an you play the saucy cuttle with me. Away, you bottle-ale rascal! you basket-hilt stale juggler, you!
2 Henry IV (2.4.120-22)

 

[Colonel Hogan]

Great thread idea. I don't have any entries yet, but it's nice to know the museum has been built for their preservation.