The Hapless Bastard Awards

[shereads]

Today's Hapless Bastards are the sheriff and emergency manager of Monroe County, Florida, whose courageous decision to evacuate Key West, Key Largo and the tourist-packed miles in between, saved thousands of people from hours of severe dampness. Not to mention the humiliation of being rudely ignored by Hurricane Charley.



Also rescued from inconvenience are the hotels, restaurants and dive boat operators who would otherwise have had to count all that money; a particularly burdensome chore during this time of critical importance to the local economy, at the height of lobster season and before Labor Day.



On behalf of a grateful plywood industry, and that guy slumped over the bar who blames tourists for the presence of $7 tequila shots and Pottery Barn, we congratulate the winners.

The sheriff and emergency manager will each take home a golden statue of a hapless bastard with a thankless job. Which will naturally be lost when another hurricane changes course and kicks ass in the Keys.

"Damned if you do. Damned if you don't."

~ The Hapless Bastard



You are invited to nominate future Hapless Bastards in this thread. You'll have to provide your own statue.

 

[GratefulFred]

Port Charlotte Emergency Mangement

As all tragedies look for a scapegoat, make no doubt about the next hapless bastard will be the people in charge of evacuating the vast numbers of elderly from Port Charlotte. Seems the people in charge forgot that they were still in the line of the hurricane and that being on a body of water as Port Charlotte is could create a problem for the geritric community unable to tread water.

I can see them now heading east on Alligator Alley with job resumes in hand.

There's Sunday's headlines for ya people.

President Bush and the Jebster are already preparing their photo op. 1 trillion dollars in emergency relief to be given. Small price to pay to attempt to win an election.

 

[Guest]

How did Karl Rove manage to arrange two hurricanes?

 

[GratefulFred]

Biggest Hapless Bastard just showed his spots...

Bryan Norcross, local meteorologist in south florida, who just had to throw in as the eye came ashore in Port Charlotte that there were 2 areas of development one a wave that came off of Africa and another a few days away.

Now you see why I hate these bastards.

Fuck you Bryan you sicko exploiter!

 

[Guest]

Re: Biggest Hapless Bastard just showed his spots...

Bryan Norcross, local meteorologist in south florida, who just had to throw in as the eye came ashore in Port Charlotte that there were 2 areas of development one a wave that came off of Africa and another a few days away.

Now you see why I hate these bastards.

Fuck you Bryan you sicko exploiter!

Ummm.... Huh?

 

[shereads]

Re: Biggest Hapless Bastard just showed his spots...

Bryan Norcross, local meteorologist in south florida, who just had to throw in as the eye came ashore in Port Charlotte that there were 2 areas of development one a wave that came off of Africa and another a few days away.

Now you see why I hate these bastards.

Fuck you Bryan you sicko exploiter!

You shut up about Brian Norcross! Without Brian Norcross we'd all be dead or something. Just because you didn't get to be a featured character in an ABC Movie of the Week, is no reason to dis Brian Norcross.

You and Roland Steadam are so jealous of Brian Norcross you can hardly stand it. Norcross put weather on the map in this state. He's the reason these stations can afford Mega Doppler Radar! Do you remember how boring weather was before Mega Doppler Radar?

Not so great, was it? Just a map with X's and squiggly lines. Is that what you want to go back to? Is it?

I didn't think so.

 

[GratefulFred]

Just because you like the dude...

I find it totally insensitive on Bryan's part to be telling fairy tales of wandering bags of wind 5 days away - like why did he have to say it at 3:46pm just 1 minute after Charley struck land? Could he not have waited a day or two and reported that they weren't developing or going out towards sea which is the most likely scenario? He as well as all the local meteorologist that joined in this revelation, thrive on the tragedies. After Andrew 10+ years ago, our local weather entertainers tried to create the impression that every disturbance was a direct hit. Now that this one hit big, they'll use this to frighten us all each and every time.

They milk these things as long as they can.

Guess I just don't like the boy who cried wolf telling tales even if a couple of wolves are around. Life's too good to be freightened all summer long.

I guess I don't see the weather as all that important that I need to know it on a daily basis. It's a wasteful form of entertainment. Just give me the boring facts when I need it and that's it.

Shereads, if you can convince me that it was so important at 3:46pm that Mr. Norcross tell us about T.D. 4 & 5 at that moment then I'll withdrawl his nomination as a hapless bastard.

Otherwise, you better keep up the storm shutters from June 'til November each and every year.

 

[rgraham666]

I'm so glad I live in Canada.

Our weather is so boring here.

 

[matriarch]

I'm so glad I live in Canada.

Our weather is so boring here.

Ditto.

Choices: Wet, dry, hot, cold, windy, calm.

Today, south of England, warm, very warm, slight breeze. Very pleasant indeed. Perfect BBQ weather.

 

[shereads]

Re: Just because you like the dude...

I find it totally insensitive on Bryan's part to be telling fairy tales of wandering bags of wind 5 days away - like why did he have to say it at 3:46pm just 1 minute after Charley struck land? Could he not have waited a day or two and reported that they weren't developing or going out towards sea which is the most likely scenario? He as well as all the local meteorologist that joined in this revelation, thrive on the tragedies. After Andrew 10+ years ago, our local weather entertainers tried to create the impression that every disturbance was a direct hit. Now that this one hit big, they'll use this to frighten us all each and every time.

They milk these things as long as they can.

Guess I just don't like the boy who cried wolf telling tales even if a couple of wolves are around. Life's too good to be freightened all summer long.

I guess I don't see the weather as all that important that I need to know it on a daily basis. It's a wasteful form of entertainment. Just give me the boring facts when I need it and that's it.

Shereads, if you can convince me that it was so important at 3:46pm that Mr. Norcross tell us about T.D. 4 & 5 at that moment then I'll withdrawl his nomination as a hapless bastard.

Otherwise, you better keep up the storm shutters from June 'til November each and every year.

Ulp. I forgot to tell you I was joking.

I'm anti-weatherman.

I do feel sorry for them, though. This is the only time of year when anyone notices them.

 

[GratefulFred]

You're all right in my book Shereads...

Let them meteorheads have their moments of fame. Better brace yourself for the Bush brothers doing the photo op circuit.

President Bush with tears in his eyes says "Jeb...I know you requested $15 billion but I'm willing to cough up $20 billion and some new voting machines."

 

[Lisa Denton]

Re: You're all right in my book Shereads...

Let them meteorheads have their moments of fame. Better brace yourself for the Bush brothers doing the photo op circuit.

President Bush with tears in his eyes says "Jeb...I know you requested $15 billion but I'm willing to cough up $20 billion and some new voting machines."

Eeeeeek!!!! Them voting machines could be hit by a hurricane, causing votes to fly around inside of em.

 

[shereads]

In a 165mph wind, a chad can put your eye out and come out the back of your head.

 

[GratefulFred]

and considering that...

I went to the University of Florida I know these Hurricanes are always gunning for me.

Go Gators!

 

[Subo97]

poor hapless bastards

I nominate all those hapless bastrds who evacuated the Tampa/St. Pete area and drove over to Orlando where they had to sit in their hotels and listen to 80 mph winds before driving home again...

And while I do pity the hapless, I temper my pity by remembering that I just don't recall ever being happed myself. Does one have to earn happitude? Or is one born full of hap and then suffer the loss? I have been happy, but not happful. Being an optimist, though, I remain hopeful of future hap.

 

[shereads]

Re: poor hapless bastards

I nominate all those hapless bastrds who evacuated the Tampa/St. Pete area and drove over to Orlando where they had to sit in their hotels and listen to 80 mph winds before driving home again...

And while I do pity the hapless, I temper my pity by remembering that I just don't recall ever being happed myself. Does one have to earn happitude? Or is one born full of hap and then suffer the loss? I have been happy, but not happful. Being an optimist, though, I remain hopeful of future hap.

Hmm.

Is it possible to have hap?

 

[minsue]

Not for the hapless

 

[shereads]

Not for the hapless

Illogic alert! Hapless now does not mean hapless tomorrow. If it did, hapless bastards would lose the optimism that keeps them in their jobs at FEMA.

 

[minsue]

If it did, hapless bastards would lose the optimism that keeps them in their jobs at FEMA.

I cannot even imagine how much optimism it would take to work at FEMA for any length of time without wanting to jab your eyes out with hot pokers.