The Goodbye Fuck

[bareback writer]

Hey Folks...

I'm a new writer to Literotica. I just published a first called, "The Goodbye Fuck," loosely based upon experiences during my time a as rock'n roll musician in the mid sixties ... I'm such a newbie that I don't even know how to place a link here...I guess I'm looking for approval from you pro's. I think I have a touch for erotica and I'd like to hear from someone who really knows the genre. I'm serious. If you think it sucks, just say it ... I'm not expecting to be patronized by professionals ... as Friday says, "just the truth."

Thanks

Bareback Writer

 

[Octavian]

Missing link

You won't get anywhere without a link, so here it is.

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=75164

Octavian
Bearer of the Silver Rose

 

[Octavian]

Bareback Writer
The story itself didn’t do too much for me. I found myself wondering about Colleen’s motives. She had kept her virginity all the time they were in a relationship. When he wants to give her the elbow she offers herself to him, but not as an attempt to stop him going off. On the contrary after the event she tells him to go. It just didn’t ring true to me. But please remember this is only my opinion; others may have totally different ones.

On the technical side I would suggest you need to read your draft a little more carefully before you submit it for posting. A number of sentences started in lower case letters. That is very easy to spot and to correct. You also overlooked the obvious spelling error when you meant to write ‘semen’.
In common with many writers you seem to have some trouble with apostrophes.
“ there were no dangerous STD' s, no Herpe's, no AID's, just the old Clap and that was still easily treated with antibiotics.”
None of the apostrophes are required. The conditions are STDs, Herpes and AIDS. Apostophes signify either a missing letter or letters eg can’t or won’t, or ownership eg the boy’s mother or the boys’ mothers.
There should be a new paragraph to delineate someone speaking.
I think you rather overdid the use of ellipses.
I hope I haven’t come across as too pedantic but it you did ask for the truth. Your story doesn’t suck but it could be improved. But then so could mine!

Octavian

 

[bareback writer]

Octavian

Thank you for your input ... especially the technical stuff. I have had numerous responses to this story. It appears to really hit women much harder than men. In the real life situation, she tried to stab me at the end and I just got out with my ass.

Your candor and concern are both appreciated. I will clean up the issues you raise on a subsequent pass.

Bareback Writer

 

[damppanties]

bareback writer,

I was reading over Octavian's feedback for your story and thought that something I found really helpful might help you too. Here it is: http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=38049