the first date - giving her a rose ?

[NASCARaddicted]

through an Internet Single Forum, I "meet" a nice woman.

For more then a month, we had e-mail contact. We have many things in common (for example: we are both "couch potatoes", we love animals, we have many similar thoughts, we both dislike parties, etc.)

Also: She knows how I look, because I have a photo of me in this Single Forum - and still, she keeps on sending me e-mails (so I guess she really likes me). I haven't seen her yet, since she has no photo on her HD. But she just got a scanner (but no time to install it yet). However, she gave me a description: dark brown hairs, a little bit overweight (so I guess she is a little bit chubby) and she wears glasses .... what she doesn't know is: I prefer girls with dark hairs over blondes, I prefer chubby girls over thin girls, and I LOVE girls with glasses ....

You can say, she is the perfect match for me, her body and her mind. And she agrees on that.

She lives just about 9 miles away from me, so we also talked about a possible "date" in the near future (but so far, we haven't made any exact plans). I suggested something like visiting a coffee shop or maybe the cinema (we are both "film-freaks")

I am a very romantic guy, so I thought about giving her a (red ?) rose on the first date, to show her how much I like (love ?) her.

O.k. maybe giving her the rose at the beginning might not be good - she would have to carry it around the whole evening (or she could leave it in the car). So I thought I give it to her at the end of the date. You know like "Thanks for the lovely evening". Or, I could just walk one step behind her and tell her "I think you lost something". When she turns around to see what she lost, I can give her the rose and say "I guess this is yours" ....

Or do you think this would be too much ? She means alot to me, and I don't want to ruin it, by being "too fast" (actually, this is my biggest worry).

Just to add: Maybe this first date could/should happen on next Friday (aka. Valentine's Day), so a rose could be a good sign ....

So, what is your opinion (especially the one of the women) ? Is a rose to much on the first date ?

Also: if it ain't too much: What colour should the rose be ? I think red is a sign of love, so it could be too much. What about white, the colour of innocence ? I guess pink could also be a good colour. If you mix red and white, you get pink (and when I was a kid, my grandfather planted pink roses in the garden, and loved them)

Oh, and just another question: As I said, I want to go to a cinema. What would be a good (romantic) movie would you suggest ? (but bear in mind that I live in Germany, so there could be a time delay - so if you are from the USA, you should also think about movies that where in the cinemas during the last half year)

Thanks in advance for your opinions.

 

[entitled]

i, for one, would have loved to have gotten a single white rose on any date. It just never happened. Then again, i never actually went on a traditional dinner-and-a-movie date until after getting married and having two kids. Nobody ever said i did things the right way.

Anyway, back to the subject: i would say go for it. Get her a white or pink rose, or a multicolored one like a peace (peach and pink) or fire and ice (red and white) and give it to her. If they're available you could get a short-stemmed one and a pin or two so she could pin it to her bodice. Some shops also do small services like attaching them to barrettes or combs so she could wear it in her hair. It might be worth asking around.

 

[peachykeen]

this is sooo sweet!

Well I don't think giving her *one* rose is moving too fast. A dozen would be, yes, but not one.

I think white.

The only problem I can see with having the date on Valentine's day is, it puts some extra pressure on for it to be somehow 'magical' or something. But hey, it's worth a try, I think.

 

[Willing and Unsure]

the rose is such a great idea. it will make her melt (most likely). it's one of those things that shows you've been thinking about her. I dont know aobut what color to suggest since I have never received flowers from someone else before. and the idea about valentine's day for the first date might not be the best idea, like peachykeen said. it would add some extra pressure and all that so you may want to wait until the next night or sometime during the week to make it something a little more special.

 

[SouthernBBW]

I agree with the women, get her a pink or white rose. There is nothing wrong with a little romance. A single rose on the first date is a very sweet gesture.

Making the date for Saturday night might be a better idea. Though I will say, my parent's first date was on Valentine's Day and they've been married for 32 years. Look back now, its a great romantic beginning, but I'm sure its a lot of extra pressure and elevated expectations for both of you.

Good luck!

 

[MR.GGG]

Just a headsup too

You can't go wrong with a rose.

That said you are being incredibly naive and trusting to think you are falling in love with somebody on the other end of an Email. Keep your emotions in check until you actually meet "her." and don't be too surprised if "she" turns out to be an obese 68 year old GUY with great eyesight.

Any communication like that should be held in the highest suspicion until you see personally that she is who she sez she is.

I really hope it works out for you but ... geeeez... over a month of Emails, you're falling in love (?) and "she's" only 9 miles away from you....? Just be careful and don't trust the situation until you KNOW it's all legit. You will feel really hurt and betrayed and really really DUMB if it turns out tou're getting zooomed.

 

[NASCARaddicted]

Re: Just a headsup too

You can't go wrong with a rose.

That said you are being incredibly naive and trusting to think you are falling in love with somebody on the other end of an Email. Keep your emotions in check until you actually meet "her." and don't be too surprised if "she" turns out to be an obese 68 year old GUY with great eyesight.

Any communication like that should be held in the highest suspicion until you see personally that she is who she sez she is.

I really hope it works out for you but ... geeeez... over a month of Emails, you're falling in love (?) and "she's" only 9 miles away from you....? Just be careful and don't trust the situation until you KNOW it's all legit. You will feel really hurt and betrayed and really really DUMB if it turns out tou're getting zooomed.

Hey, I am not that stupid. Of course, I will call her on the phone before the date. It's alot easier to discuss things like "the location and the time" on the phone, then through e-mail. So the "guy pretending to be a girl" thing is already out.

She already gave me her phone number, both from her cell phone and her normal phone (even though I didn't ask for it). She even said that we should talk on the phone before the date. Yeah, you heard it, it was her who suggest a phonecall before the date. But currently, she lacks time, so we couldn't talk on the phone yet (currenlty, she works like 12 hours a day, so is too tired when she is at home - but this will change soon).

Another thing that speaks against the "68 year old guy" is: From the way she describes herself, I guess, she is "special". I mean, if someone fakes it, it's more "mainstream"´, more aimed towards the average taste. And more then once, I noticed that she is far away from being "mainstream"

And just another thing: She told me, that she doesn't have a photo on her HD. A faker would take any girl photo from the Internet and use it from the beginning.

You haven't read her e-mails .... I did !!! It's very very doubtful, that someone would fake something like that.

 

[SexyChele]

I had a guy do this for me one time, and though the guy turned out be not so good, I truly did love the gesture! Too much? No, not at all. Just don't show up with a dozen! A single rose is simple and gets your message across that you tried to think of something that would be meaningful and special to her. Even if things don't work out, she will always remember this fondly!

Color? I woud stay away from red. The one that I received was red and it seemed a bit "heavy". White means innocence, but can also mean clean - as in a new beginning. Yellow is the color of friendship, and combining that with the idea that it is a rose, would mean (to me, anyway) that friendship is the foundation to a new relationship. Pink is also very nice - I'm just not partial to it. (But then, it isn't for me, is it? )

I would also avoid Valentine's Day. Yeah, it's romantic and all, but lots of pressure. Besides, if all goes well, you will have next year to plan something super special!

As to what to do? Movies are nice, but I hate doing them on a first date. I personally would rather go somewhere and talk and get to know the person better.

Now, here's a plan you might want to consider. When you meet her, present her with the rose (ask the florist to put a little water thingie on the bottom of the stem so it stays fresh all evening - don't want it wilting halfway through the date!). Then go someplace where you can talk and see how things go. That way, she can take the rose with her, which is kind of hard to do if you are doing the movie thing. And yes, she will most likely want to take the rose with her! Trust me! She will not want to leave it in the car!

This is a very romantic thing to do, and I wish you all the best with it!

 

[lilpriss]

I look at it this way, YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE

If you feel like the two of you know each other well enough, then by all means, take her out for Valentine's day. You are the one who's been interacting with her, not us.

If you want to give her a RED rose, give the woman a red rose. Although, I think that white with red edges is is a stunning idea... it seems to say, I have the hots for you...

Life is too short to worry about what will happen. If you hold back who you really are, then when the true, sappy you comes out she may wonder where it came from.

I firmly believe you should not hold back on being sweet... there isn't enough kindness as it is.

AND HERE'S a HINT even if she says that flowers are a waste of money... she still longs for them... so if you are a flower giver then go for it!

Let us know...

And Hey, a red rose would be totally suitable on the first date if you asked her to be your Valentine as you gave it to her.

 

[Chicklet]

torn...

I can see how it would be really romantic to give her a rose, and I think she would truly like it. You've been talking online...that's practically one date already = ) The rose, whatever color, is a great gesture. But, I personally hate flowers and personally would be irritated by it. Make sure she's not alergic first, eh? <wink>

As for a movie...Anything would be fine; if it's bad, you can talk about how bad it is. If it's good, you'll enjoy it. It isn't the movie that you're worrying about, it's how you two will get along. I'm hoping you plan to add coffee or dinner to the beginning or end of the date so that you'll have a chance to get to know each other.

Only nine miles away...you lucked out, nascar. You won't screw up, you can't screw up; she likes you.

Chicklet

 

[Willing and Unsure]

Although, I think that white with red edges is is a stunning idea... it seems to say, I have the hots for you...

this color sounds absolutely great for a flower...


another thing I thought of while reading some of the other responses, if you go to see a movie maybe take her out for dessert afterwards so you can talk. and by that point the whole initial nervousness deal is all gone (along with all the butterflies) and she may be wanting a little snack.

 

[DuckLover]

This thread seems to be morphing into a poll! Here's my vote:

ROSE: One rose certainly isn't "too much," particularly given your month-long correspondence. Color depends on how serious you're feeling already and how you feel after the phone call(s). Red is of course the most serious end of the spectrum. I also like the idea of the peach or red/white rose. Personally, I'd avoid pink as many women don't care for it. For any plan other than a movie, SexyChele's idea of the water vial on the flower and letting her carry around is probably best. She'll feel special and get to show off a little.

TIMING: I started thinking of voting against Valentine's Day, but I changed my mind; here's why: Vday DOES have a lot of romantic implication and potential pressure, especially for a first date. HOWEVER, if you offset by a day or two (ie Saturday) she'll probably wonder why. Plus, if you're both single, it's unlikely that she has anything else planned. The only possibilities I can fathom are laundry or a Black Hearts (anti-Valentine's) party. Who wouldn't rather go on a date, even a first date, than sit around bitching about how much their social life sucks?

ACTIVITY: While you're both movie buffs, movies don't make a very good date because they don't allow interaction. Adding coffee or dinner (or lunch) around the movie can alleviate that concern, but still, do you want to spend 2 hours of your first date NOT interacting with a woman you think you really like? If you want to incorporate a move, perhaps try this idea: Meet for coffee (the traditional cyber-to-IRL transition) and if it goes well, suggest that you _rent_ a movie and go watch it. The process of picking one out will let you talk more and give you both a better idea of each other's taste. Now before anyone jumps on my back, yes, I do recognize that this plan is quite forward. She might get nervous about going back to your place (or hers) on the first date. No problem-- if she seems hesitant, THEN suggest going to the cinema. Eventually, movie rental will be better than cinema-- 1) more privacy, 2) you can still chat, 3) no complaints about talking through the movie from others, 4) cheaper, 5) you can eat anything you want (including dinner), and 6) you can pause the movie for bathroom breaks!

Good luck and have fun!

 

[Willing and Unsure]

DuckLover makes a good point about going to the movies. maybe, if you want to have a chance to be able to talk during the movies, try going to a late show of a cartoon movie. those usually dont have many people in them and if you set by yourselves then, you can talk (and some of those movies are just so cute)

 

[peachykeen]

I disagree. Movies are good because they give you something to talk about without having to feel all awkward, trying to think of something to talk about.

 

[NASCARaddicted]

:-D

It seems that some opinions really differ about the cinema stuff, but that's o.k.

Just to mention this: I once had a "cinema-date" with a girl. When the movie was over, it was like 11 pm. We walked back to her home and started to chat. Then, we sat together in her room and chatted some more. After some time, she got tired. When we looked at the clock, we realized that it was already past 3 am !!!

 

[virgin_rose]

sweet

i had just read all the response and i must say that i wished so much to be that girl... this is just so sweet... i hope the date would go as planned... good luck

 

[joesmith768]

Dear NASCARaddicted,

I'm glad to hear that you are taking advantage of the online channel to meet women. I have met/dated some wonderful women over the past year that I have met that way.

I love the idea that you would present a flower upon your first date. I too consider myself to be a romantic guy and always enjoy giving flowers to my date. However, online dating has a different dynamic. You may have already connected through correspondence in a number of ways, however realize that physical chemistry is also very important. I cannot tell you how many times I felt a very strong connection until meeting my online date.

Here are some tips from my past experience:

1- Make the first date no more than an hour and a half. Just meet for coffee, a drink, or a walk in the park.
2- Keep your expectations extremely low. She may have some attribute that you may find a total turnoff.
3- If you enjoyed the first date, then send her an email or leave her a message the next day and let her know. Don't ask her out specifically, but tell her that you will speak to her in a few days.

WAIT for her response. Most women will write/call you back and let you know that they had a nice time and will like to see you again. If you don't hear from her in several days, give her a call and feel out the situation.

Try to keep the second and third dates relatively simple. Many folks using online dating may be seeing several people at once. If you try to rush things, it could scare them away.

Give it some time for the physical chemistry to develop.

In terms of giving her something, I would avoid it for the first date. On the second or third dates, give her something small and simple that you believe she would appreciate. If you are unsure, try dark chocolate. (It seems to work every time. ) Make sure that you use gift wrap.


Best of luck. You sound like a wonderful, thoughtful guy.

JS768

 

[swtbethie]

I think flowers would be great, roses are good but if you know her favorite flower and it's possibly to find them I would bring her those. It wouldn't be just a "generic" (no offense intended) red rose, it would show that you but in some real thought and effort and you are comitted
them's my thoughts

 

[billwindows]

i don't think u should give her a red rose. chocolates are better for first date. red roses mean you love her, and if you have brought it before you even meet her, she might think you don't sincerely care about a person before falling in love. just my 2c

 

[Willing and Unsure]

i don't think u should give her a red rose. chocolates are better for first date. red roses mean you love her, and if you have brought it before you even meet her, she might think you don't sincerely care about a person before falling in love. just my 2c

chocolates are bad. what if she's allergic to chocolate, or doesnt like it? a flower is a good idea. it shows he put some thought into it, especially if it's something other than a red rose.

 

[Lust Engine]

My two bits worth of advice here...

Valentine's Day is a huge pressure cooker. I'd avoid that day just for the emotional trap it could pose. And I don't know if you've looked at prices for roses on that day but they are outrageously over priced to the point of disgusting ($80 a dozen thru FTD!). So I would strongly attempt to avoid first contact on that day; it's still be fine to chat but in my humble opinion, it's fraught with too many expectations on BOTH of you guys.

Beyond that, I would also suggest a bouquet of mixed flowers. Less formal and yet it conveys sympathy in my opinion. A rose could be perceived as over the top a bit on the first date, even if it's a single rose of any color. Not everyone knows the double meaning of the color of roses. I would also keep the flowers off the agenda if you're going to a movie too. Saddling her with a bouquet of flowers/ roses while going to a theater might seem awkward. I'd save the flowers for a first visit to her place where she could proudly display them.

As far as a first date, shoot for a well reviewed comedy. I've always found it easier to chat about a lighter movie afterwards over a nightcap. Don't go for a dog of a movie; that's why I'm suggesting a movie with good reviews. Darker movies or horror flicks just seem awkward for a first movie too. Light romantic comedy would be my first choice.

Again, these are my suggestions. By no means are they God's word to dating. You'll have to play it all by ear and feel strongly about what'll work for you & your personality. It'll have to be a gut call on your part here.

Good luck though!

 

[NASCARaddicted]

dammit, I can't understand why I forgot this detail:

some weeks earlier, she told me that she has 2 tattoos: a cat on her arm and a blue rose on her shoulder ....... so I guess she likes roses, and blue sounds like an interesting colour, too

 

[Svenskaflicka]

As per request...

... I think it would be very sweet, very romantic, and definitely not too much to give her a flower on your first date. But give it to her at the beginning of the date, not at the end. Just one. If she doesn't want to carry it around, tell her she can leave it in your car, and pick it up before she goes home.

But I wouldn't go for a rose, if I were you. Everyone gives red roses to people they love. Be original. Give her a little more unusual flower - a carnation. Not only is it original, which shows that you have thought a little bit about this, rather than just run into a flower shop and ordered "the daily special", but a carnation also lives much, much longer than a rose.


A red carnation. At the beginning of the date. And try to keep the evening light, go and see a nice comedy. It takes the drama out of the whole first-date-scenario.

The Wise One has spoken.

 

[peachykeen]

god no, not a carnation, she'll think you're cheap! (Unless they are not so common where you are; in the US they are like a cheap filler ingredient.) A nice calla lily might be good though.

 

[drew62]

The single rose is a good idea. I had the opportunity to meet a number of women on the net and always brought a single rose for them on the first date. I didnt always get a second date, but I did end up marrying one of them. It was the last one I met of course! LOL
All of them seemed to appreciate it, we even had to go back and retrieve on of them once. She said she wasnt used to getting a flower on first dates, so it slipped her mind and left in the booth at the restaurant. Luckily, it was still there and the people were cooperative and gave it to us. Believe it or not it was another couple on their first date. and he didnt have a single flower for her

All in all I would say that it won't hurt, and I agree that you lucked out to find someone only 9 miles away. Most of mine were out of town even though I lived in major metropolitan area.

Good luck with the first date, but I also agree with not doing it on Valentines day. It's always busy with love struck people trying to get something going or rekindling something. I would say wait until Saturday night, it will be less crowded and the pressure will be off.