The First Chapter of My Sequel Is Out!

[windstormy]

Sorry it took so long, but it's finally out. The first chapter in my sequel to Bigrig has finally made approval. It's in the novel/novella cat this time. And it does not contain any sexual content. Not in this chapter anyway. Lol. I encourage everyone to take a look at it and cratique my work. Please? I am learning to write better and I know there are some awesome experienced writers in this forum. I did see some of my mistakes already. And I will correct them in my folder, just in case. I like to be thorough, but I am human. So, please give me your comments and advise.

I did start this chapter out reintroducing my main characters. My thoughts were that if this had been a seperate book and a reader was reading it first, (before Bigrig), I might want to tell them a little about each one. Was I right to do this? Or should I have let them figure it out? Lol. A little humor in my stress. Lol. Ok, I'll let you go read and see what you experts think. I'm so excited and am waiting with my breath caught in my throat. So, please hurry, before I die of suffication. Lol........

The comments have finally been turned back on, so please feel free to vote and give me one before you leave the chapter. I would greatly appreciate it.

A Timeless Place

Thanks....

 

[dcraig]

Very Good First Chapter.

I enjoyed having the characters introduced to me again. The way you went about it was nice, Billy. Loved the descriptions of what they were wearing, too. All that hard work you're doing is paying off.

I do sense a bit of a power struggle going on between the manager, Bruce and Jonathan. It would be interesting to see what is coming next with that.

Your description of the bar was very vivid to me. I had a mental picture of it as I read on.

I did see a couple mistakes, which I see you've already found. Other than that, I think you did a fantastic job on this first chapter. Ready for chapter two, now. Hello? Did you hear me? Heeeeeeello.... Lord, I love it when ppl ignore me.

 

[Doug Lewis]

Good Job, Champ.

You did it! Very nicely too. Enjoyed getting to know the characters. Liked the fact that Jonathan was being escorted and treated like an owner. I bet that felt good to him. Loved the bar scene. Your description of it was wonderful. And I love Journey and Foreigner. Good choices in bands to start out with.

I do agree that something seems amiss with your dear manager. It will be most interesting to see how this developes, like Craig said. And Craig, you were funny in your post. I liked that. Made me laugh so hard.

 

[spiritwalker]

You did it! Very nicely too. Enjoyed getting to know the characters. Liked the fact that Jonathan was being escorted and treated like an owner. I bet that felt good to him. Loved the bar scene. Your description of it was wonderful. And I love Journey and Foreigner. Good choices in bands to start out with.

I do agree that something seems amiss with your dear manager. It will be most interesting to see how this developes, like Craig said. And Craig, you were funny in your post. I liked that. Made me laugh so hard.

I absolutely agree with you, Doug. It was nice to see Jonathan beginning to enjoy some of the finer things in life. Now that the drama with his uncle seems to be past, he can. But then again, what is up Billy's sleeave with the little bit of remorse the character is showing? Got me wondering. Lol.

 

[spiritwalker]

Sorry it took so long, but it's finally out. The first chapter in my sequel to Bigrig has finally made approval. It's in the novel/novella cat this time. And it does not contain any sexual content. Not in this chapter anyway. Lol. I encourage everyone to take a look at it and cratique my work. Please? I am learning to write better and I know there are some awesome experienced writers in this forum. I did see some of my mistakes already. And I will correct them in my folder, just in case. I like to be thorough, but I am human. So, please give me your comments and advise.

I did start this chapter out reintroducing my main characters. My thoughts were that if this had been a seperate book and a reader was reading it first, (before Bigrig), I might want to tell them a little about each one. Was I right to do this? Or should I have let them figure it out? Lol. A little humor in my stress. Lol. Ok, I'll let you go read and see what you experts think. I'm so excited and am waiting with my breath caught in my throat. So, please hurry, before I die of suffication. Lol........

A Timeless Place

You did what you could do when you were ready, Billy.

Loved the chapter, man. Good descriptive scenes. Excellent descriptions of your characters. And a wonderful ground breaking for your first chapter. Keep going. I know you have more in that head of yours to share with us.

 

[mastergary4u2]

Sorry it took so long, but it's finally out. The first chapter in my sequel to Bigrig has finally made approval. It's in the novel/novella cat this time. And it does not contain any sexual content. Not in this chapter anyway. Lol. I encourage everyone to take a look at it and cratique my work. Please? I am learning to write better and I know there are some awesome experienced writers in this forum. I did see some of my mistakes already. And I will correct them in my folder, just in case. I like to be thorough, but I am human. So, please give me your comments and advise.

I did start this chapter out reintroducing my main characters. My thoughts were that if this had been a seperate book and a reader was reading it first, (before Bigrig), I might want to tell them a little about each one. Was I right to do this? Or should I have let them figure it out? Lol. A little humor in my stress. Lol. Ok, I'll let you go read and see what you experts think. I'm so excited and am waiting with my breath caught in my throat. So, please hurry, before I die of suffication. Lol........

A Timeless Place

You did a very good job with laying a new foundation for your new novel. Loved the character descriptions and the bar descriptions. Very good stuff, kid. Liked the office scene with the manager. Especially the last paragraph. I had to laugh with that. It was funny to me.

 

[sweeteric2u2]

Sorry it took so long, but it's finally out. The first chapter in my sequel to Bigrig has finally made approval. It's in the novel/novella cat this time. And it does not contain any sexual content. Not in this chapter anyway. Lol. I encourage everyone to take a look at it and cratique my work. Please? I am learning to write better and I know there are some awesome experienced writers in this forum. I did see some of my mistakes already. And I will correct them in my folder, just in case. I like to be thorough, but I am human. So, please give me your comments and advise.

I did start this chapter out reintroducing my main characters. My thoughts were that if this had been a seperate book and a reader was reading it first, (before Bigrig), I might want to tell them a little about each one. Was I right to do this? Or should I have let them figure it out? Lol. A little humor in my stress. Lol. Ok, I'll let you go read and see what you experts think. I'm so excited and am waiting with my breath caught in my throat. So, please hurry, before I die of suffication. Lol........

A Timeless Place

A very good chapter, Billy. Everything is laid out all nice and cozy for us, even if we were reading it first, and had not read Bigrig at all. I have an understanding of all of the characters, what they look like, what they were wearing and all of that. Loved the way you described the bar. And from what I understood, that bar was packed. Lol.... That's good though, the new owners, (Bruce and Jonathan), are making a lot of money that way. Wish I was in their shoes. Lol. ​

 

[sweeteric2u2]

You did what you could do when you were ready, Billy.

I agree completely...... ​

 

[athena_by_night]

I loved it Billy. All of it.

Jonathan's decision to go out in the first place. Being able to throw caution to the wind and be a little abandoned in his behavior. Very cool.

Here's to Retro Nights everywhere! LOL Yes.. I too enjoy the music displayed in this scene. And if I like the clothing styles too.....mmmm......LOL

I thought that Jonathan was very well respected by all of the Club personnel, something he probably wasn't used to prior to his uncle's death. And as I look into my crystal ball...I see power struggles....well my monitor screen anyway..

Jonathan <~~~> David
Jonathan <~~~> Bruce (& no suggestions, just intriguing thoughts from me)
Bruce <~~~> David

Could just be my overactive imagination..... but cleaning up the club...how grown up is that? Most commendable. Most enjoyable chapter.

Jonathan sticking up for himself.... priceless

No dancing bananas or roses...but it's me.... lol.... good job!

~ Marie

 

[moffettasweet]

Sorry it took so long, but it's finally out. The first chapter in my sequel to Bigrig has finally made approval. It's in the novel/novella cat this time. And it does not contain any sexual content. Not in this chapter anyway. Lol. I encourage everyone to take a look at it and cratique my work. Please? I am learning to write better and I know there are some awesome experienced writers in this forum. I did see some of my mistakes already. And I will correct them in my folder, just in case. I like to be thorough, but I am human. So, please give me your comments and advise.

I did start this chapter out reintroducing my main characters. My thoughts were that if this had been a seperate book and a reader was reading it first, (before Bigrig), I might want to tell them a little about each one. Was I right to do this? Or should I have let them figure it out? Lol. A little humor in my stress. Lol. Ok, I'll let you go read and see what you experts think. I'm so excited and am waiting with my breath caught in my throat. So, please hurry, before I die of suffication. Lol........

A Timeless Place

You did a good job, Billy. If I were reading this book before I got a hold of Bigrig, I would've been lost if you hadn't put all of the detail in there that you did. I think you did the right thing by laying down the ground work for this new novel.

I also enjoyed the descriptions of the club. I really felt I was there. And I love the nightlife, huney. I could hear the music, feel the beat under my feet. Oh, I was having a good time reading that part. Oh, and psssssst.... Loved the topless waiter thing, babe. OMG!!! *Giggles*

Really felt Jonathan was off in lala land talking to David. It added to the drama that's going on in your combined stories. And it makes me wonder where you're going with this. Can't wait to see Chapter two out. Then three, four, five.... Oh, sorry. Am I getting ahead of you huney? hehehe.......

 

[moffettasweet]

I loved it Billy. All of it.

Jonathan's decision to go out in the first place. Being able to throw caution to the wind and be a little abandoned in his behavior. Very cool.

Here's to Retro Nights everywhere! LOL Yes.. I too enjoy the music displayed in this scene. And if I like the clothing styles too.....mmmm......LOL

I thought that Jonathan was very well respected by all of the Club personnel, something he probably wasn't used to prior to his uncle's death. And as I look into my crystal ball...I see power struggles....well my monitor screen anyway..

Jonathan <~~~> David
Jonathan <~~~> Bruce (& no suggestions, just intriguing thoughts from me)
Bruce <~~~> David

Could just be my overactive imagination..... but cleaning up the club...how grown up is that? Most commendable. Most enjoyable chapter.

Jonathan sticking up for himself.... priceless

No dancing bananas or roses...but it's me.... lol.... good job!

~ Marie

Marie, huney.... We are gonna get your siggy squared away. You don't worry about that, girlfriend. And huney, I'm glad I'm not the only one that's cheering for Jonathan standing up for his self. That youngin needed to. OMG!!! It's about time he find his gonads. Lol.... And yes, I'm being nice here.

And that power struggle you're talkin about? I thought I saw it too, but I wasn't sure. But now that you're saying it, I am so thankful that I was paying attention. Well, anyway....... You go, girlfriend......

 

[moffettasweet]

Wardrobe

Oh, and Marie..... I really loved the wardrobe these guys were in. You really did a fabulous job helping Billy with that. Especially Peter and Tony. Oh, I just wanted to touch them! OMG!! And eat those two up. They were dressed soooo fine!!! hehehe.

 

[athena_by_night]

Oh...Dale, huney!

You aren't seeing things...at least from my perspective! LOL

And hell yeah... you go Jonathan....

Marie

Marie, huney.... We are gonna get your siggy squared away. You don't worry about that, girlfriend. And huney, I'm glad I'm not the only one that's cheering for Jonathan standing up for his self. That youngin needed to. OMG!!! It's about time he find his gonads. Lol.... And yes, I'm being nice here.

And that power struggle you're talkin about? I thought I saw it too, but I wasn't sure. But now that you're saying it, I am so thankful that I was paying attention. Well, anyway....... You go, girlfriend......

 

[athena_by_night]

Mmmmmmmmmmmm......I have great images in my head about what these men are wearing......ooh la la!

Marie

Oh, and Marie..... I really loved the wardrobe these guys were in. You really did a fabulous job helping Billy with that. Especially Peter and Tony. Oh, I just wanted to touch them! OMG!! And eat those two up. They were dressed soooo fine!!! hehehe.

 

[windstormy]

Mmmmmmmmmmmm......I have great images in my head about what these men are wearing......ooh la la!

Marie

I bet it was nothing, right? *Snicker....*

 

[dcraig]

Mmmmmmmmmmmm......I have great images in my head about what these men are wearing......ooh la la!

Marie

LOL!! You cause my mind to go there...

 

[dcraig]

Oh, and Marie..... I really loved the wardrobe these guys were in. You really did a fabulous job helping Billy with that. Especially Peter and Tony. Oh, I just wanted to touch them! OMG!! And eat those two up. They were dressed soooo fine!!! hehehe.

I agree...Marie, you did an awesome job of helping Billy with the dressing of these men. And they were stunning, to say the least.

 

[athena_by_night]

I agree...Marie, you did an awesome job of helping Billy with the dressing of these men. And they were stunning, to say the least.

LOL....I can dress everybody else...and get dressing on me...but have trouble getting dressed on mornings I am in a rush...

Marie

 

[dcraig]

LOL....I can dress everybody else...and get dressing on me...but have trouble getting dressed on mornings I am in a rush...

Marie

LOL!! Love, that is most comical.... ​

 

[athena_by_night]

LOL!! Love, that is most comical.... ​

well....blushing.... I dumped some on me earlier....

 

[dcraig]

well....blushing.... I dumped some on me earlier....

LOL!!! Forgive me for laughing so. I know how frustrating that can be. But you must admit it is very funny....

 

[athena_by_night]

LOL!!! Forgive me for laughing so. I know how frustrating that can be. But you must admit it is very funny....

Of course love... it is funny and its why I told you, laughing myself, well chuckling really...I smell like honey ranch dressing....lol

Marie

 

[DGentleBen]

Really good chapter, Billy. It starts the sequel out getting to know the characters all over again. It's a good foundational chapter.

 

[DGentleBen]

Of course love... it is funny and its why I told you, laughing myself, well chuckling really...I smell like honey ranch dressing....lol

Marie

That sounds good and edible. Oops.... Did I say that? ​

 

[DGentleBen]

Oh, and Marie..... I really loved the wardrobe these guys were in. You really did a fabulous job helping Billy with that. Especially Peter and Tony. Oh, I just wanted to touch them! OMG!! And eat those two up. They were dressed soooo fine!!! hehehe.

You did do a really great job dressing up the main characters with Billy. You can dress me up any day. I know who to go to if I need help stepping out. ​