The Exploration of Gina (closed)

[intriguess]

This idea came from a series of PMs and hope that readers enjoy.

Therapist Calhon was waiting for her last client of the day, a young woman named Gina. They had been sorting out her feelings about men and abadonnment issues for a while now and I felt as if we had reached a stand still. Gina seemed innocent but not naive, a mixture of qualities I found enticing. I always placed our appointments late in afternoon so that I could give her all the time she needed.

I was her appointed therapist, and I felt I had made great progress with Gina. She had begun showing up promptly after the first session. I had decided that in this session we would begin discussing her intimate relationships with men and how that compared to her fantasies.

I knew I'd need to take an unconvential approach to push Gina past her comfort zone and really get under her skin. I had several ideas in mind, several of which would be highly controversial, but I knew that it was hard to know if you wanted something if you only fantasized about it. I had a fantastic rep with clients about bringing their fears and fantasies to life as part of the therapeudic process. I hoped I could do the same with Gina.

 

[StarvingHeart]

Gina

Gina never had a father, or father figure. So what she lacked in that area, she searched for in the men she dated. She wanted both a gentle man, as well as aggressive and some what controlling.

She however, could not figure this out. She didn't understand why none of her relationships ever worked out. The guys always seemed so incomplete to her standards. Its not like she was even very picky about their apperance. What was wrong with HER? Only at 22, she felt like she needed to find her soulmate.

So, she was pointed towards a widely know therapist. She start opening up more and more to Ms Calhon, but still nothing she learned was helping her to much. She was tired of feeling alone, desperate, unappealing to men.

She was the opposite of unappealing, however. She was considered pretty; with her long, auburn hair, light complexion, big blue eyes, small frame [about 5'4], 34C chest...

 

[intriguess]

Therapist Calhoun

I had taken a short break before this appointment so I could collect my thoughts. I was wearing my usual blouse/jacket/skirt combo. I had worn super high heels today, which enhanced my muscular legs and added height to my short body, most of my clients considered me sexy, which helped with the transference process. My long dark brown hair was pinned up on my head as I figured a more authoratarian look would be best for dealing with Gina. I thought of myself as a chameleon becoming whatever it was the client needed. I hoped Gina would really open up as I really wanted to help her find what she wanted.

I poured a cup of mint tea and looked over my notes from the last session. Gina had talked about feeling unlovable, I figured we'd go from there into her intimate relationships.

 

[StarvingHeart]

Gina

Sitting in my car for a moment, i looked down at the clock in the dashboard; it was only a few minutes away from my appointment. I really didn't like coming here... it made me feel uncomfortable, stupid. Either way, i got out of the car and entered the building.

Walking down the hallway, i wished i would have worn my jacket, it was always so could in these types of buildings. Reaching Dr. Calhon's office i stopped and looked at the gold name plate at the top of the door. It almost took my breath away reading 'therapist Calhon'. The-rapist. I had never noticed that before. I almost laughed out loud at how silly i was. Standing still, i looked down at my plain jeans and tshirt, topped with sneakers. Casual. Was this why i had no one? If it didn't please the guy i was with, the way i dressed, i surely would have changed this small factor.

Knocking quietly, i waited for Dr. Calhon's friendly smile.

 

[intriguess]

Therapist Calhoun

I opened the door and smiled, I knew that Gina wanted craved strong guidance as so I started building that feeling by opening the door for her. I always sat in the big leather chair setting up the image that I was in control of everything. In truth as her therapist I was in control of everything within the office walls and to an extent in control of Gina the instant she walked in.

I gestured for her to sit down and went through the opening chatter, asking her how her day was, if there was anything she wanted to talk about, giving her the option to open up if she wanted. My voice was pleasant but steely letting her know that it would be much easier if she opened up willingly, however my job was to dig regardless of whether she wanted me too or not.

 

[StarvingHeart]

Gina

Sitting on the couch across from Dr. Calhon, i shifted uncomfortably. Did i willing want to dish out every insecurity i possesed? No. But i knew i was there on my own and i had to open up one way or another.

"I'm not quite shure what to talk about..." I managed to get out after a long moment of no sound but the squeeking of the therapist's huge leather chair. I always thought of it as the cow chair... i don't know why, but i wonder how many it took to make just that one office chair.

 

[intriguess]

Therapist Calhoun

It was going to be one of those sessions. I crossed my legs at the ankles and spoke, "Gina, I know we have covered quite a bit of basic info. I recall you talking about how you don't feel lovable, so let's talk about your failed relationships." I felt like I was prying the words from her mouth, but at the same time that was part of her problem her relunctance to open up. "Tell me about them," my voice demanded to be answered and it was a statement not a request.

 

[StarvingHeart]

Gina

That was one of the things she loved about Dr. Calhon; she wasn't easy when it came to their sessions. She forced the information out of Gina. Maybe she knew it wouldn't come out any other way.

Taking a breath, she sat back. A million failed relationships fluttered into her mind.

"well.. it just never feels right. I feel unloved, or liked... like they don't care about me. I get bored with them."

Her gaze was fixed on the wall behind the doctor, following a crack in it up to the ceiling.

 

[intriguess]

"You get bored," I latched onto the idea, "most relationships fail. The reasons are as varied as the people, but most people set themselves up to fail by picking someone who does not fit." I paused letting the words sink in, "Rather than dwelling on the negativeness of the past let's focus on exactly what it is you want in a partner." I phrased it neutraly occasionally clients were afraid to voice desires that were considered outside the norm.

 

[StarvingHeart]

Gina

She always hated how therapists repeated everything, making her feel dumb for what she said. This wasn't her first time having a doctor, they sent her to one when they believed Gina at a younger age was getting into alot of trouble because there was no stronge male role model in her life... just an absent mother.

She was quite different from her mother... she didn't whore around like her. It made her feel proud not to be like her.

Coming back to the question she thought for a moment.

"I'm not sure... i want someone who is stronge minded, stronger than me. Someone who knows what they want.. the usual i guess..."

 

[intriguess]

Therapist Calhoun

I repeated things so that my clients knew that I heard and understood what they said, "Everyone is unique, your concept of the usual might be very different than mine." I paused for a moment and made a note, "So does this person know what you want?" I wondered about the word strong, the way she said it implied a whole lot more was going on beneath the surface.

 

[StarvingHeart]

Gina

Thats another thing; those damn note pads! I'm supposed to sit her and babble on about how insecure i am and how i need someone to guide me through life while she writes it all down and they're saved in my files forever! I know they do it to look back on after the sessions to try to get ideas for why i'm fucked up.. but still. They made me feel nervous.

Looking away as she wrote, I looked around and realized there were no windows... it was weird for such a large room.

Her question... 'do they know?'. Maybe they don't maybe i'm not sending them a good enough message when i say they're to mooshy and gentle. Actually, i believe i told one he was a 'puss'. But what was i supposed to say, "fuck me until i bleed! hurt me! then hold me in your arms like a child!"?!

Clearing my thought i give her the usual question dodger: "I don't know."

 

[intriguess]

Therapist Calhoun

I was going to have to push her harder, I knew she knew what she wanted she was just with holding. "Gina, it's so dissapointing," I stood up putting down the legal pad. "People have let you down your whole life, and you continue to put yourself down. I'm not here to hold your hand and tell you everything is going to be alright. I'm here to slap you into awareness."

 

[StarvingHeart]

Gina

"Slap you into awareness.." So, she was into slapping to, huh? Gina almost laughed at this thought. Ok, i need to get serious, she thought to herself.

"I just don't know how to help myself... people are always telling other's 'if yo udislike something in your life so much, fix it' and i've tried. I've tried different types of guys..women...everything."

Looking down at the floor, she thought about how the carpets of places like this always looked so clean but hundreds of feet trample over it every day. Kind of like herself, right?

 

[intriguess]

Therapist Calhoun

"I know you're a beautiful person, but until you like yourself how can you expect anyone else to?" I caught the way she tensed and shivered when I said slap and her comment about trying both men and women. It was part of my job to help people visualize what they wanted so they would know it when they saw it.

I opted for a change of tact, Gina obviously had all her defenses up and I had to strip them away. "I want you to try something." I waited until she said sure whatever. "Take off all your clothes." It was a soft command and I headed to closet and pulled out a full length mirror.

 

[StarvingHeart]

Gina

She stood still, jaw dropped. When she agreed to try something, it was because she thought she was going to tell her to hug a pillow or something like they when she was younger. She had to be crazy.

Not moving still... she studdered, "Are you sure.. this will do.. anything?" Her face felt hot.

 

[intriguess]

Therapist

"Conventional therapy has not worked for you, that's why your here." I paused and turned towards her, "Take off your clothes or get your pathetic ass out of my office. I don't waste my time on losers." The statement was serious, my voice sensuos and steely.

I positioned the mirror in front of you and waited my eyes locked on you, not bothering to look away, a know it all smile on my face.

 

[StarvingHeart]

Gina

Suddenly she wanted to her doctor. She have never heard her speak that way before. But still... she complied.

Pulling her shirt off, letting it drop as she pushed out of her shoes and stepped out of her jeans, shooting an icy glare at her. Gina stood in her panties and bra. Sighing, she reached around and unhooked her bra, covering her chest with her arm. Then pushing her panties down, she covered the smooth area between her legs with her hand.

There she stood, pathetic looking. She would have rather hugged that damn pillow a million times. But still, something in the change of Dr. Calhon's mood excited her, making her heart race.

 

[intriguess]

TheRapist Calhoun

"What do you see?" I asked taking in the compliance and the look she gave me as well as the false modesty. I also noticed the slight flush on her cheeks an alertness in her eyes. "Who are you hiding from? me or yourself?" I asked as I moved behind her and gently gripped her wrists and moved her hands behind her body. I met her eyes in the mirror demanding that she look at herself. "People hate mirrors, because it shows them as they really are."

 

[StarvingHeart]

Gina

You could see her heart beating against her chest. This had certainly taken a bizzare turn. Looking at the doctor stand behind her in the mirror sent chills through her. But still... this was her theRapist! Therapist*!

Pulling her wrists from Calhoun's grip, she noticed she was alot stronger than she looked. She actually frightened Gina slightly. Covering herself again, she spoke out.

"So i don't like people i'm not intimate with seeing me naked... what does that mean?"

 

[intriguess]

TheRapist

I shook my head, "Gina," I paused letting her name hang in the air. "That's my point, you should be comfortable in your own skin, regardless of our relationship which IS intimate. You've opened up to me more than you've opened up to your lovers yet you still hide from me. It's childish and there will be No more hiding from me or yourself."

My eyes slowly look you over top to bottom as I walk around you again. I wait for her to move her hands, standing behind her, looking at the reflection in the mirror. I place one hand on her neck, seeing the strange mix of fear, relunctance to obey and desire in her eyes, as my fingers firmly stroke the exposed skin.

 

[StarvingHeart]

Gina

She had me... i opened up to her more than i had to my best of friends. But i didn't want her staring at my body. Where's that pillow?! As she moved around me a million things were going through my head. Gripping my throat i thought maybe i finally did drive her crazy... but there was something more in her eyes. Her hands were so soft... it was making me react in more than one way. Looking up at the mirror, i wasn't looking at myself.. but staring past it.

Pushing away from her, i turned and looked at my so-called doctor closely. She was a beautiful women. Very profeesional looking, though. I don't think i've seen her any other way. Bending down, i attempt to pick my clothes up... this was just to much for me.

 

[intriguess]

The view of her bent over picking up her clothes, I wondered if she realized how vulnerable and exposed she was. "I see your giving up again," my voice expressed my dissapointment. I took off my jacket and placed it on a sturdy wooden coat rack. "There is only so much I can do for you, you Must give yourself over to the process, mind, body, and soul." My voice was stern yet still warm and I moved to block the door.

"Conquer your fears, or they will conquer you." I murmur silkily as I continue staring at you refusing to allow you to be modest or hide.

 

[StarvingHeart]

Gina

I had already been pulling my pants up one leg when i looked up and she was blocking the door. I stood up straight, the room silent. I could almost taste the tension in the room. What could i do? What was it that she wanted me to do?

Dropping my clothes again, i stood, weak. Crossing my arms in front of my chest, all i could do was stare at the floor. The carpet was a weird maroon color, looking almost like velvet. I wonder if the color of my face matched it. Swallowing hard, i waited for her to give me another line of advice.

 

[intriguess]

"Go back to the mirror and tell me what you see," I was altering a basic technique as Gina obviously needed to be made vulnerable in order to be strong. I stared at her uncovered pubic area and gave her a look that said I would accept no more disobedience. Everything I did I was doing for her, and she was acting like a pouty child who does not want to do the work in order to get the reward.