The Erotic Limerick

[clutching_calliope]

.....

 

[My Erotic Trail]

got milk... like limerick
by My Erotic Trail ©

A cock'll crow
when the day starts to grow
treat me
teat me
awaken with a blow

pointer points like a gun
rising to the occasion
towards the bush
towards a little push
warmly squeazing with love

pulling and tugging
massaging and milking
toying in linger
work those fingers
in the realm of milking, honey

hard as a fence post stall
head banging the wall
milk me
feel me
got milk... on your jaw


( not my best but a fun write that seem to fit)

 

[cherries_on_snow]

ok this kinda sucks but I tried. Good idea, ClutchingCalliope

A man with unusual gait
arrived most continually late
to his boss's great ire.
He kindled her fire
by unzipping a mammoth sized mate.

 

[Remec]

There once was a young man from Fargo,
Who liked starting his day with a blow,
from his hospital bed,
he rang the station and said,
"I need the head nurse, doncha know?"

 

[champagne1982]

With sly regards to annaswirls:

Said the stripper as she swallowed her drink,
"Oh no, sir, it's not what you think.
I sit here undressed,
as you've probably guessed,
because my panties are all in the sink."

 

[oggbashan]

Og's a limerick hog

1.
There was a young lady from Kent
Whose poems were crooked and bent.
After one quick look
Inside her black book,
Her boyfriend shuddered and went.

2.
There was a young lady of Cologne
Who made love with a loud moan.
Her lovers protested,
Their action arrested.
Now she has to survive on her own.

3.
There was a young lady from Devon
Her thighs hid aspects of Heaven
But to cream she's a martyr
It's impossible to part her
Until her legs look more like eleven.

4.
There was an old man from Dover
He wanted a lay in the clover
But the lady he chose
Had hay-fever in de nose
Sneezing him out 'fore he's over.

5.
There was a young lady from Berlin
Who thought two at once was no sin.
She'd take both inside
But could never decide
Who fathered both or which twin.

6A.
There was a young man from Deal
Who didn't know his girl how to feel
Said she "That's not the way
I'll show you, if I may."
She taught just how to make her squeal.

6B.
Remember that young man from Deal
His girl who taught him to feel
She gives him such pleasure
He's no time for leisure
He'd clean her whole house for a squeal.

7.
A young man was such a poor lover
He'd lie on his girl and just shove 'er
She'd writhe and she'd squirm
While she waited her turn -
He's much better below than above her.

8.
There was a young lady of Genoa
For her skill the gardener did owe her
She wishes he'd pay
For their rolls in the hay
Instead of just mending her mower.

9.
There is a member called Og
He lies in the club like a log
But attack his friends
Like a lion he defends
Then returns to sleep in his bog.

10.
In her corset so trim and pretty,
Her figure slim, showing some titty,
While walking her home
She makes her beaus moan
Till of love they've sung her a ditty.

11A.
She wears her full-skirted gown,
Gold velvet, fur-trimmed in brown
He wants her to dance
He hasn't a chance
'Cos she knows of his sexual renown.

11B.
Still wearing her full-skirted gown
She promenades throughout the town
He follows in her train
Her love for to gain
She dismisses his suit with a frown

11C.
Still followed by the persistent one
She knows he's the notorious Don Juan.
He thinks he may
She says "Not today,
Or any day, not even for gifts by the ton."

11D.
"Why, lady, my suit do you reject?"
Asked he, unused to lack of respect
"Your name is Don Juan
You've had plenty of fun
But I'd rather have some less suspect."

11E.
She added "I don't want to have to
Disinfect my snatch and lips too.
You've had too many women,
And done too much sinnin'
I'd rather not join with your zoo."

11F.
Don Juan was quite crest-fallen
With her he'd fancied some ballin'
He went off in a huff
Some other to stuff
She hoped some river he'd fall in.

11G.
From under her full-skirted dress
She withdrew her dildo "I confess
You're harder and stronger
And probably longer
Than Don Juan. That's my guess!"

11H.
Don Juan, his mien and demeanour,
His style and address, - but he's meaner
I'd rather just crap
Than risk getting clap
There's no doubt my dildo is cleaner.

11I.
Over Don Juan I could mope
But I'm not such a dope
With just one poke from him
I'd infect my whole quim
With a schoolboy I'd rather elope.

11J.
From Don Juan I've made my escape
I thought he might resort to rape
But on my dildo so slick
He'd have damaged his prick
And have to have wrapped it in tape.

11K.
My dildo is such a kind friend
Always ready with never a bend
I'll treat it with care
Other lovers must share
Or else them away I would send

11L.
Now this series it really must end
My honour I'll gladly defend
In my full-skirted gown
I'll walk through this town
My dildo inside - it's the trend!

12.
The limerick's so easy to do
Just find a rhyme, one or two
Then fill in the rest
Your poem's the best
Till the next one. That's true!

Addendum

1.
Leda, even at this late date
With that swan she wanted to mate
"I'm full of love-juice
But I'm still not Zeus
And most women want swans on a plate."

2.
There was a young lady from France
Who wanted to mount her man's lance
He wouldn't oblige her
He was bucking the tiger
And he wanted just one more chance.

NOTE: "bucking the tiger" = gambling for money

 

[clutching_calliope]

.....

 

[clutching_calliope]

.....

 

[My Erotic Trail]

Hey Og!
are we racing to place... in last place? meet ya there...<grin


that was a handful of limerick ... (O_O)
how can one follow an act like that...


there once was a poet
whos pecker kept on growing
it burst through his pants
straight out like a lance
while, he recited a poem

(~_*)

 

[clutching_calliope]

A little history lesson

.....

 

[My Erotic Trail]

I found one of the earliest limericks, or derivations today:

The lion is wondirliche strong,
& ful of wiles of wo;
& wether he pleye
other take his preye
he can not do bot slo.

And even Robert Herrick had his say:

Jone is a wench that's painted,
Jone is a Girle that's tainted;
Yet Jone she goes
Like one of those
Whom purity had Sainted.

Jane is a Girle that's prittie,
Jane is a wench that's wittie;
Yet, who would think
Her breath do's stinke,
And so it doth? that's pittie.

Anyway, I found this interesting. There is a good paper about the limerick and evolution at http://www.nonsenselit.org/Lear/limerick/limerick.html

bows humble (thanks for the offering...)

and...

Art was an artist
his collection the largest
of women that were nude
the men they screwed
and never painted in the closet

 

[oggbashan]

Muff Diving

Said he to she “It’s not fair,
You drive me to drink and despair:
I experience bliss
If you I could kiss…”
She opened her thighs and said “There.”

He was great but his small prick
Wasn’t up to doing the trick
But with his long tongue
He’d make her succumb:
How that long member could lick.

She’d cover his head with her skirt
Push him to his knees in the dirt
While on the park bench
That saucy young wench
Would demand his tongue till it hurt.

Young Harold was eager to please
His lady – but she is a tease.
She wanted his lips
Well South of her hips:
Evenings he spends on his knees.

She loves him, sure ‘tis no wonder
Every night he goes down under,
His tongue in her clit -
While she’s posting to Lit
On threads too many to number

 

[Matty_Walter]

Okay poetry snobs ... I know this isn't high art

naughty limericks anyone?

I'll start:

There once was a couple named Kelly
Who walked around belly-to-belly
Because in their haste
They used library paste
Instead of petoleum jelly!

 

[Matty_Walter]

another one

There once was a lady from Dallas
Who used dynamite for a phallus.
They found her vagina
In North Carolina,
And her ass in Buckingham Palace!