The End of Sex....

[Bobmi357]

I'm starting this thread in response to one started in the main how to section.

In EVERY long term relationship there will be times when sex is impossible due to health issues.

So here are two questions. Think carefully, hell, TALK to your spouse before you answer it.

1) You or your spouse are told that one of you needs surgery which will result in a long (several months to a year) time before you can have sex again. What do you do?

2) Your spouse comes home and tells you that he/she has a serious medical condition and they are recommending that he/she refrain entirely from sex. (ie an orgasm putting an unneeded strain on the blood pressure, or the heart)
What do you do?

3) Finally, ask yourself and your spouse. Is sex really that important to you and your relationship? Is sex the foundation of your relationship or the penthouse?

My wife and I talked this out last night for a quite a while. In the first case, I think we both agree, we'd live with the abstinence, after all its not a permanent situation. Besides, there are still hand jobs/blow jobs/oral for her etc.

In a more permanent scenario I think the same solutions still hold true. The intimacy can be maintained and reinforced with some sexual acts for the non-sick partner.

Its a rare couple that won't be forced into one of these scenarios at least once in their lives. You 20somethings out there will learn, you're not invincible the hard way, like I did. I've been in the scenario from question 1, it wasn't fun, but we came out the other side of it stronger I think.

 

[LadyG]

The same can apply if your partner suffers a physical handicap that prevents sex entirely.

If you love someone, the sex is secondary, IMO.

 

[SweetErika]

We have talked about this, and have been through no/almost no sex for extended periods before. The thing missed most was the intimacy and emotional bonding from sex, but we found other ways to connect, and I think it ended up strengthening our relationship overall.

The scenarios:

1) You or your spouse are told that one of you needs surgery which will result in a long (several months to a year) time before you can have sex again. What do you do?
Live without and find other ways to satisfy the physical and emotional desires. I think it's especially important to work harder at being close, communicating, and meeting eachothers emotional needs.

2) Your spouse comes home and tells you that he/she has a serious medical condition and they are recommending that he/she refrain entirely from sex. (ie an orgasm putting an unneeded strain on the blood pressure, or the heart)
What do you do?
Same as #1, and continue to find ways to give (or receive), keep it exciting, and work on bonding. I think the big mistake in these situations is to abandon or ignore sex and the needs of your partner altogether, and let resentment build.

3) Finally, ask yourself and your spouse. Is sex really that important to you and your relationship? Is sex the foundation of your relationship or the penthouse?
Absolutely not. Sexuality is important, but friendship is the foundation of our relationship. There are tons of ways to fulfill physical needs, but nothing can replace the love and friendship. If sex ever became the most important factor, it'd be time to part ways.

That said, it all depends on the people and situation. If the situation involved a debilitating permanant condition (e.g. quadraplegia, advanced MS, etc.), I think we'd probably consider going outside the relationship. At least I'd want to consider it because I want my husband to be as happy as possible, and I think that's the essence of our love.

 

[Lynxie]

We have talked about this, and have been through no/almost no sex for extended periods before. The thing missed most was the intimacy and emotional bonding from sex, but we found other ways to connect, and I think it ended up strengthening our relationship overall.

The scenarios:

1) You or your spouse are told that one of you needs surgery which will result in a long (several months to a year) time before you can have sex again. What do you do?
Live without and find other ways to satisfy the physical and emotional desires. I think it's especially important to work harder at being close, communicating, and meeting eachothers emotional needs.

2) Your spouse comes home and tells you that he/she has a serious medical condition and they are recommending that he/she refrain entirely from sex. (ie an orgasm putting an unneeded strain on the blood pressure, or the heart)
What do you do?
Same as #1, and continue to find ways to give (or receive), keep it exciting, and work on bonding. I think the big mistake in these situations is to abandon or ignore sex and the needs of your partner altogether, and let resentment build.

3) Finally, ask yourself and your spouse. Is sex really that important to you and your relationship? Is sex the foundation of your relationship or the penthouse?
Absolutely not. Sexuality is important, but friendship is the foundation of our relationship. There are tons of ways to fulfill physical needs, but nothing can replace the love and friendship. If sex ever became the most important factor, it'd be time to part ways.

I actually agree with Erika on her above comments. Sex is not the number one priority for my husband and I. It's certainly a nice perk, but we've been through extended periods of time when it was not an option and we pulled through. I honestly don't think that would change if we were told one of us would not be able to have sex ever again. Sure, it would be frustrating at times, but our love for each other and emotional happiness is so much more important.

 

[miss_kate]

I would really miss the closeness of having my partner inside of me- sex is very mental for me and I can honestly say that there would be this massive hole if I couldnt experience that with my partner.

As SweetErika said: bonus is, it would make a relationship stronger because you would have to explore your partner in other ways.

 

[Guest]

The same can apply if your partner suffers a physical handicap that prevents sex entirely.

If you love someone, the sex is secondary, IMO.

I couldn't agree more!

Great answer, LadyG