Isabella Thorne
Saucy Ambassador of Tarty Foreign Affairs
- Joined
- May 5, 2000
- Posts
- 3,084
In the beginning God created the heavens and the Earth.
And the Earth was without form, and void.
And Satan said, "It doesn't get any better than this."
And God said, "Let there be light," and there was light.
Let the earth bring forth grass, seed, and the fruit tree
yielding healthy fruit." And God saw that it was good.
And Satan said, "Bummer, there goes the neighborhood."
And God said, "Let us make Man in our image, after our
likeness." And so God created Man in his own image; male
and female he created them. And God looked upon Man and
Woman and saw that they were lean and fit.
And Satan said, "I know how I can get back into this game."
And God planted the earth with broccoli and cauliflower and
spinach, green and yellow vegetables of all kinds, so Man
and Woman would live long and healthy lives.
And Satan created McDonald's.
And McDonald's brought forth the 99-cent double cheeseburger.
And Satan said to Man, "You want fries with that?"
And Man said, "SuperSize them." And Man gained 5 pounds.
And God created healthful yogurt, that woman might keep her
figure that man found so fair.
And Satan brought forth chocolate.
And Woman gained 5 pounds.
And God said, "Try my crispy fresh garden salad."
And Satan brought forth Ben & Jerry's Ice Cream. And Woman
gained 15 pounds.
And God said, "I have sent thee heart-healthy vegetables
and olive oil with which to cook them."
And Satan brought forth chicken-fried steak & gravy so big
it needed its own platter. And Man gained 10 pounds, and
his bad cholesterol went through the roof.
And God brought forth running shoes, and Man resolved to
lose those extra pounds.
And Satan brought forth Cable TV with remote control so
Man would not have to toil to change channels between
ESPN and ESPN2. And Man gained another 20 pounds.
And God said, "You're running up the score, Devil." And
God brought forth the potato, a vegetable naturally low
in fat and brimming with nutrition.
And Satan peeled off the healthful skin and sliced the
starchy center into chips and deep-fat fried them. And
he created sour-cream dip also.
And Man clutched his remote control and ate the potato
chips swaddled in cholesterol. And Satan saw and said,
"It is good." And Man went into cardiac arrest.
And God sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery.
And then Satan created HMO's.
And then God just plain gave up....
And the Earth was without form, and void.
And Satan said, "It doesn't get any better than this."
And God said, "Let there be light," and there was light.
Let the earth bring forth grass, seed, and the fruit tree
yielding healthy fruit." And God saw that it was good.
And Satan said, "Bummer, there goes the neighborhood."
And God said, "Let us make Man in our image, after our
likeness." And so God created Man in his own image; male
and female he created them. And God looked upon Man and
Woman and saw that they were lean and fit.
And Satan said, "I know how I can get back into this game."
And God planted the earth with broccoli and cauliflower and
spinach, green and yellow vegetables of all kinds, so Man
and Woman would live long and healthy lives.
And Satan created McDonald's.
And McDonald's brought forth the 99-cent double cheeseburger.
And Satan said to Man, "You want fries with that?"
And Man said, "SuperSize them." And Man gained 5 pounds.
And God created healthful yogurt, that woman might keep her
figure that man found so fair.
And Satan brought forth chocolate.
And Woman gained 5 pounds.
And God said, "Try my crispy fresh garden salad."
And Satan brought forth Ben & Jerry's Ice Cream. And Woman
gained 15 pounds.
And God said, "I have sent thee heart-healthy vegetables
and olive oil with which to cook them."
And Satan brought forth chicken-fried steak & gravy so big
it needed its own platter. And Man gained 10 pounds, and
his bad cholesterol went through the roof.
And God brought forth running shoes, and Man resolved to
lose those extra pounds.
And Satan brought forth Cable TV with remote control so
Man would not have to toil to change channels between
ESPN and ESPN2. And Man gained another 20 pounds.
And God said, "You're running up the score, Devil." And
God brought forth the potato, a vegetable naturally low
in fat and brimming with nutrition.
And Satan peeled off the healthful skin and sliced the
starchy center into chips and deep-fat fried them. And
he created sour-cream dip also.
And Man clutched his remote control and ate the potato
chips swaddled in cholesterol. And Satan saw and said,
"It is good." And Man went into cardiac arrest.
And God sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery.
And then Satan created HMO's.
And then God just plain gave up....
