@->-->--- the dark theater---<--<-@

[LaDy MiSeRy]

do you see them there?
do you care?
when they are dancing in the dark theater.

did you see the curtain move?
violet velvet sets the mood
and the violin begins to groove
when they are dancing in the dark theater.​

now the players take the stage
ceramic masks stare blankly at you
did you hear the theater doors lock?​

the audience lies stricken in its seats
gleaming knifes cast in their throats​

the violet curtain drops again
and they dance no more
in the dark theater.​

 

[Zanzibar]

do you see them there?
do you care?
when they are dancing in the dark theater.

did you see the curtain move?
violet velvet sets the mood
and the violin begins to groove
when they are dancing in the dark theater.​

now the players take the stage
ceramic masks stare blankly at you
did you hear the theater doors lock?​

the audience lies stricken in its seats
gleaming knifes cast in their throats​

<--- Only line that felt awkward when I read it.

the violet curtain drops again
and they dance no more
in the dark theater.​

Very dark.
Very macarbe.
Disturbing visuals.

If you want a comment, you mght look at using dancing vs cast in that 4th strophe. And possibly dark vs gleaming. The rest of the tome is dark and dank... though gleaming is a sharp contrast - perhaps a deliberate one. Just something to think about.

~Zan