The crush

acore

Virgin
Joined
Apr 10, 2005
Posts
3
I've found that my story is kind of like punk music. People either love it to death, or hate it witha passion. There's no in between. I'm wondering why people would go and post and post hurtful things about a story they don't understand. You should read some of the comments that are left for me. Can you tell me if my story is realy that bad, and what I might need to improve on? It's a gay male story called the crush. I think people might not like it because it was written by a 19 year old girl (me). People get so uncomfortable when they think that there children can think like this. But the hard truth is that they can. There's no use denying it!

http://english.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=203867
 
Your story's quite good. You have a great sense of pacing, your dialog rings true, and the whole thing's quite believable. Your characters' confusion of love with style makes themappear kind of shallow, but at 19, we're all kind of shallow.

I read the comments too and only saw one that was negative, and that's obviously by some homophobe who was nevertheless compelled to read the story. You get a lot of people like that on Lit. They read the entire story and then tell you how sick you are for writing it. It's their problem, not yours.

It was a very good job, mature beyond your years. Keep it up.

---dr.M.
 
Thank you so much, but there's one thing that I have to say.
Andrew isn't meant to be shallow. It's just that when Jeff walks into that party, he feels something really strong, but he can't for the life of him figure out what that is. We know that it's lust but he thinks, "no hat's not possible. A guy can't have lust for another guy. So he just assumes that the strong feeling is envy. So he thinks, "What's the best way to make it go away?" and he dicides to attempt to be better than Jeff. And he's not going to do it on his own, because he likes to be around Jeff. So Jeff teaches him.And he knows just about all of his secrets because they've been friends for months now. But the only problem is that the feeling isn't going away, and he can't understand why. In fact it's getting stronger. In his heart he knows what it is but, he wont accept it. Then Jeff says that he's going away, and he panics. He doesn't like being away from Jeff, ever. And he figures, "why would I panic this much when he's just my friend. Or If I just envey him." Thats when it dawns on him, that it's love. And he feels much better , now that he's said it out loud. He's not a sholow person, and I know that he's not thinking rationaly, but that's the only thing that it could be for him. Anything else is just not an option and he just want's the feeling to go away. It's like you're underwater, and you're dying for air, so you try swimming a direction that you think is up.He's been swimming that direction for ages and he can't find out why he still can't breath. After a while, he finds up, when he embraces the feelings that he has for Jeff and finds air again.
 
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