The Chair

[Bandit58]

Something I found when I was going through my old emails. I thought it might give some perspective of what Sir goes through. Even though He now dialyses at home, this is what thousands of people have to do three times a week if they want to stay alive.

The following was written by Lori Tate, BSW. Lori is a social worker with Renal Care Group in Brookhaven, McComb and Mendenhall, Mississippi.

It all began Thursday, May 13, 1999. I was relaxing in one of the empty dialysis chairs, talking to patients who were getting off dialysis. I thought to myself "this isn't so bad; why do they complain so much?" Immediately my brain took over; my next thought was "What if I couldn't get up?"

What happened next is hard to tell, it all came into being so fast. I made a decision that would change my life. I decided I would come to the unit on my day off and pretend to be a patient. The nurses, of course, were excited about the idea and all joined in making the experience as real as possible.

First I would weigh with 4 bags of saline (comparable to a weight gain of 4 kilos). Secondly, I would sit in the dialysis chair and the saline bags would be placed on me. The bags would be placed on each leg and two in the chest area. Finally, one bag would be removed each hour. Yes, I agreed to sit in the dialysis chair for 4 hours on my day off!

It all seemed like such a good idea for a social worker. I would gain so much empathy for the patients! I was excited! I was feeling great about myself. I'll be honest and admit the words "Super Social Worker" did come to my mind.

However, less than an hour later, I began to think of all the things I needed to do during the weekend. How could I get it all done and still have time for my pretend dialysis? This is when I began planning my escape. How can I get out of this? How am I going to be still that long? It's not like it's the real thing anyway.

No! I've made a commitment. I've opened my big, fat mouth and now I have got to do it!

Friday, May 14th, 1999. I spoke with the charge nurse and he explained I would need to arrive at the clinic promptly at 11:30 am. Later in the day, I requested a morning chair. I could get so much more accomplished if only I could get an early chair. However, the charge nurse informed me there were no early seats available. Can you imagine? A fellow employee, we work
together! I've helped him out thousands of times. Everyone knows they (nursing staff) simply use the social workers to do all the things they would rather not do. Enough whining, the nurse said 11:30 am. I will be here at 11:30 am.

The big day arrived. At 11:30 am, I was awaiting my turn on "the machine". Of course, I was not seated until 12:00 (noon) and not completely "hooked up" until 12:10 pm. With saline bags in place, books to read and other patients to talk to, I was ready to begin. The only problem was, I had only been in the chair for fifteen minutes and I was ready to get up. Other things that came to my mind while on the chair were: "These fluid/saline
bags feel so heavy", "I am so cold sitting in this chair", "It doesn't feel this cold when I am working", "Is my butt numb?", "I can't move my legs, they've fallen asleep". "What machine is beeping?" "I know how to hit the reset button, however, I cannot help because I cannot move". "I wish I could change arms, I'm tired of keeping this arm still." My blood pressure was actually low while" on the machine", I began to wonder, "What does this
mean?" "Am I okay?" "Hey nurse, come here!"

It was also unusual to be sitting that low in the chair. When you are seated in the dialysis chair, because of the placement of the unit, you are unable to see anyone who isn't on your side of the room. I knew which nurses were in the unit, however, I couldn't see them from where I was sitting. Also, due to the placement of the machines, I couldn't see anyone on my left. I could only speak with the patient seated directly in front of me, or the
patient directly on my right.

Finally when my four hours were up, I did not want to talk to anyone. I had been sitting so long, I just wanted to go home. I felt differently about the experience than I thought I would. I honestly had not been concerned. I was going to teach patients something by my good example. However, they taught
me a lot. All of my feelings can be multiplied by a million. I was not stuck by a needle. I did not watch my own blood come out of my body and go through a little tube. I did not have the fear of having to sit in that chair for the rest of my life because my kidneys were no longer functioning. I did not become sick and vomit in front of twenty people. I was able to think about what I would have for supper when I got home, instead of sitting and thinking about all the things I couldn't have.

I did gain a great deal of respect and admiration for the patients. I did not gain any further empathy, as the one thing I fully understand is that I will never fully understand or know what it feels like to be a dialysis patient, unless one day I am one. I can only hope this experience allows me to be more compassionate and more apt to treat patients with the human dignity I know everyone deserves. I also hope that some of the staff members
who were working the day I sat in the chair for 4 hours will take the time to stop and think to themselves, "What does it feel like, from the chair?"

 

[Essene]

Oh Bandit, I'm so appreciative of this article. It's an amazing perspective, and although I would never, ever question the amount of suffering that dialysis patients go through, I suppose it's one of those things that you'll never really be able to understand unless you're affected. Kudos to folks who care enough to try to understand.

Renal failure is a horrible, horrible thing.

For you and your Sir.

 

[kinkyknickers]

Wow, I get tetchy when I have to sit with a needle in my arm for 20 minutes doing plasma donations. It would really suck if I had to sit there for four hours when I'm perfectly healthy, let alone sick.

You both obviously have a lot to bear.

 

[Lady_Midnight]

That's a great article Bandit.

I'm a nurse, and recently had a short stay in hospital for a minor op. I came home thinking that all of us involved in care should be on the other side of it from time to time to see what it really feels like.

 

[graceanne]

That is an awesome article.

 

[Bandit58]

Thanks everyone
When Sir was dialysing at the hospital He did 4 hours 40 mins 3 times a week. He cannot sit in a chair for that long no matter how comfortable it is, because He has arthritis in His spine and He gets in too much pain. He was in a hospital bed but even that was painful after a while - these are not the modern beds, I'm sure the dialysis ward gets the "cast offs" Also if the machine alarmed for some reason, the staff would turn the blood flow rate down meaning He wouldn't get dialysed properly.

Now we're at home He's in our comfy bed and although it still gets uncomfortable after 8 hours, it's nowhere near as bad. We do it during the day because I find it hard to sleep properly with the machine going, plus I'm sort of "on alert" in case something happens.

I now insert the needles because the new access is on the back of His forearm and He can't see to do it Himself. The needles go in the same place each time, this is called "buttonhole access". It's much easier than putting them in a different place each time! The needles used are known as "blunts" because they don't have a very sharp point, and because the same place is used each time it forms a tunnel like the channel of a piercing. Once you find the tunnel, they just slip in (and yes I do have needle play as a hard limit! )

Although I live with His illness every day, I cannot claim to know everything that He goes through. I consider myself very lucky though to have my health, I don't take it for granted.

 

[SweetGigi]

My uncle goes thru dialysis I don't know how often each week and I have heard horror stories about what it is like in the chair. Thank you for posting this and giving us some sort of idea of how it feels. I pray I never know this sort of pain... or anyone else I know and love.

Bless you in your strength, Bandit. *hugs*