The BEST Lover I ever had was.............

[Siren]

 

[JennyOmanHill]

The best lover I ever had...

is in my dreams!

 

[scylis]

you damn skippy! best lover i've ever had! come to think of it, it's the ONLY lover i've had.

hmm...

 

[Ravenloft]

Siren...

Enjoy!



http://www.letsmasturbate.com/raw.shtml

 

[Siren]

And best of all.........

 

[Ravenloft]

You don't pillow talk your hand?!

You cold cold bitch!

 

[Siren]

Naw Ravey, I am kinda the use it and ignore it

 

[Ravenloft]

At least I'm decent enough to use my hand and not a Cantaloupe and warm cottage cheese...

Cantaloupe and warm cottage cheese (12/13/99)

Take a melon, I like cantaloupes (you may need a watermelon if your really hung) and drill a hole in it and with a long hard object. Mash the insides and finger them out (just enough of the insides so you can fit). Then fill the melon with warm cottage cheese. This is the most incredible sex ever. I would rather have it than a woman.

 

[Siren]

and best of all about that Ravey..........

 

[scylis]

how desparate and/or poor must you be to carve yourself a wooden penis?

 

[Ravenloft]

Ew, Siren, just ew!

Now here is a real girl gamer! Woof!

Playstation pleasure (7/23/00)

Talk about a home entertainment center

For this, you need a Playstation, a vibrating controller and a Metal Gear Solid CD. Use the vibration test in the option menu of the game. Insert the edge of the controller to your pussy or clit, test the vibration and enjoy!

 

[Ravenloft]

I saw this one in a porn once...

Bathtub mania (6/15/00)

We get so many variations on this submitted, it isn't funny:

When the water is running in your bathtub, put your legs up in the air against the wall underneath the faucet. Then spread your lips and let the hard water spray on your clit. It's the best!

 

[Siren]

you spend way too much time with yourself Ravey

 

[Siren]

Too much manuevering for my tastes Ravey

 

[AusTess]

The best lover i ever had?

Wow.
Flashbacks.
He was short.
And fat.
And he had this amazing long hair,and could play the guitar,badly,but still,he tried.
He thought the sun rose and set on me.
He was right,of course.
I was young,so was he,but there was so much enthusiasm.
And laughter.
And freshness.excitement.
We didn't know much,but we had a shitload of fun learning.


I think he'll always be my favorite,maybe not always the best.
In a spooky coincidence,i'm gonna be at a christmas party with this guy tomorrow.
His wife will be there.
So will my husband.

But i'll be remembering.

I wonder if he will?

 

[Ravenloft]

You really are making no sence Siren, is this how you talk to people on the stand? Do they give you odd and confused looks too? Twit!

B... B... Broccoli?! WTF?!

Don't forget the veggies (12/13/99)

I must have a vegetable fetish. Often times, I find that a ripened cucumber, squash, or broccoli serve as a good replacement for my husband during his business trips. I must say each vegetable has its own distinctive feeling. The cucumber is your typical penis feeling, the squash provides that much wanted girth, and the broccoli (although sometimes messy) provides a unique and tantalizing feeling. P.S. Don't forget to remove them from underneath the bed before he returns.

 

[Ravenloft]

Men are FAR more creative when masturbating... Grosser, yes, that too, but a hell of alot more creative... Women are just lame... Pft. The game thing though, that was hot... I wonder if she can play the game that way too... Use her clit as a finger on the direction pad... Hehehehe!

 

[Siren]

Ravey

 

[Ravenloft]

Nah, give me insulation...

Insulate this:

Your nearby home improvement store sells lengths of foam insulation for 1" copper pipe, and it happens to fit on other similarly sized objects. You probably don't need the standard six foot length, but you can cut it to fit, lube it up, and slip it on. It feels great just walking around, and moving it around feels even better.

 

[Ravenloft]

Talk about creativity...

Bubble wrap (6/20/00)

And when you're done, you get to pop them in the afterglow:

Get an 8 by 12 inch piece of bubble wrap. Wrap it around your cock. Then put some scotch tape around to help hold its shape. Slide it off and lube it real good. Then go to town. You can just wash it out when you are done and reuse it.

 

[seth6138]

Beer

Last night I poured Beer on my hand...got it drunk, and took advantage of it....

 

[Ravenloft]

Oh shit! I never tried that before! Doesn't it get a little loose when its been drinking though?

 

[Ravenloft]

Too much time on his hands...

Make your own pussy (7/23/00)

I bet this guy got an A in shop class:

This contraption takes time to make, but feels like a real pussy, I've tried them all. You'll need:
1- a piece of 3 in ABS pipe 6-9 in long, sand all edges smooth.
2- 4 tough elastic bands. you may try 4 pieces of bicycle tube cut in 4 pieces may work but they need to have a snap fit over the ABS.
3- 1 latex glove for washing dishes.
4- 4 condoms for best fit, 3 may work (you can't reuse these, so the price of a good jack is the price of the condoms).

Fill the condoms with hot/warm water then tie off the ends with a knot. They will be floppy. Place each condom into the tube. Fold over the reservoir ends over the tube in a quadrant (E W N S). Snap a band over to hold them in place. Do the same with the tied off ends. Cut the palm part of the glove in two halves ie: back of hand and palm. Stretch back portion over one end of the tube with the reservoirs. Hold in place with elastic. Put a 2 inch slit in the palm part of glove. Place it at the other end in same fashion. Put lube on your member and go at it, better still hold it on the floor with something, watch your favorite porn, and hump away.

Hints: All except the condoms can be reused. (Unless you can untie them without breaking and you don't use Vaseline). If there was a way to get that slimy stuff they put in cooler freeze packages in the condom, the feel would be even better. Pop in microwave if too cold. It's awkward putting it together the first time, but it gets faster. A piece of foam in the condom doesn't feel better. For a tighter fit, slit the tube on one side, sand the edges and squeeze to the size you want.

 

[Gingersnap]

Raven, Raven, Raven, (shaking my head) Babe you need to get out and come to the big city.

 

[plasticman33]

Too much time on his hands...

Make your own pussy (7/23/00)

I bet this guy got an A in shop class:

This contraption takes time to make, but feels like a real pussy, I've tried them all. You'll need:
1- a piece of 3 in ABS pipe 6-9 in long, sand all edges smooth.
2- 4 tough elastic bands. you may try 4 pieces of bicycle tube cut in 4 pieces may work but they need to have a snap fit over the ABS.
3- 1 latex glove for washing dishes.
4- 4 condoms for best fit, 3 may work (you can't reuse these, so the price of a good jack is the price of the condoms).

Fill the condoms with hot/warm water then tie off the ends with a knot. They will be floppy. Place each condom into the tube. Fold over the reservoir ends over the tube in a quadrant (E W N S). Snap a band over to hold them in place. Do the same with the tied off ends. Cut the palm part of the glove in two halves ie: back of hand and palm. Stretch back portion over one end of the tube with the reservoirs. Hold in place with elastic. Put a 2 inch slit in the palm part of glove. Place it at the other end in same fashion. Put lube on your member and go at it, better still hold it on the floor with something, watch your favorite porn, and hump away.

Wow, wouldn't be easier to find a woman?