The bad joke thread

[John Roberts]

After Mozart passed away, the town drunk heard some strange noises coming from the grave site. Terrified, he ran and got the priest. He bent close to the headstone and heard some faint, unrecognizable music. The Frightened priest got the town magistrate.
He listened for a minute and said," Ah, yes, that's Mozart's Ninth Symphony, being played backward. And there's the Eight...the Seventh...the Sixth..."
Then he stood up and said, "Nothing to worry about. It's just Mozart decomposing."

 

[Vinde]

That was definitely a bad joke JR. Funny but a groaner.

 

[done_got_old]

A sandwich and a banana walk into a bar. They go up to the bartender and say, "Bartender, get us each a beer!" The bartender turns to them and says, "Sorry, but we don't serve food here."

 

[cookiejar]

A cannibal wasn't feeling too well, so he went to see the witch doctor.
"Doc", he says, "I've had a bad tummy ache the last couple of days."
"Hmm", says the Doc, "perhaps it's someone you ate. What have you eaten lately?"
"Well", says the cannibal, "I had a monk just last week. He was a tall man, in a long brown robe. We boiled him and ate him."
"Ahh", said the Doctor. "That's your problem. You boiled this guy, but he was a friar!"

 

[John Roberts]

That was definitely a bad joke JR. Funny but a groaner.

Ah..Vinde, always good to see you......Thanks.....I think.

 

[John Roberts]

A cannibal wasn't feeling too well, so he went to see the witch doctor.
"Doc", he says, "I've had a bad tummy ache the last couple of days."
"Hmm", says the Doc, "perhaps it's someone you ate. What have you eaten lately?"
"Well", says the cannibal, "I had a monk just last week. He was a tall man, in a long brown robe. We boiled him and ate him."
"Ahh", said the Doctor. "That's your problem. You boiled this guy, but he was a friar!"

Ahhh!

 

[cookiejar]

What do you have if a clairvoyant midget escapes from prison?

A small, medium at large.

 

[midwestyankee]

A man sits down for lunch right after attending mass on Good Friday. He places his order and returns to reading the paper. Not long after, he realizes he has made an error with his lunch order so he calls the waiter over and says, "I'm sorry. I just realized it's Friday and I shouldn't be eating meat. Please change my order to the pea soup."

The waiter complies, hollering out to the kitchen, "Hold that chicken, and make it pea."

 

[cookiejar]

What do you call it when a long fish didn't quite make it?

- he eelmost made it.


What do you call a young cat with crap all over it?

- A shitten.


What is the most talkative condiment?

- Mayosays.


What should you use to write down that you just took a dump?

-a number 2 pencil.


Where do you leave a hair pie to cool it off?

-on the vagisil.


What do you call it when you have your name written on your breasts?

- Identitties


What do you call it when a lumberjack farts?

- He cut the trees.



What do you call a piece of crap that is horizontal, up against an erect penis that is vertical?

- Poop-and-dick-cular



What do you call some guys with large backbones who sodomize pettite people?

- Spinal men-in-tight-ass



What do you call a fast food chain that gives you gas?

-Burper King




What do you call it when you press your tits onto someone's balls?

- Chesticles.



What do you call a lesbian who drives around in a Ford Winstar full of dimembered penises?

- A Dick-Van Dyke.



What do you call the female child of the woman who helps you while you're pregnant? Also the woman is from Boston and the child is sort of oddly tall shaped.

- My doula's oblong daughtah.



What did the hillbilly jewish guy say when his mother got sick and he didn't care?

- Ma's ill? Tough!



What do you call it when you kill yourself by letting too many animals in your house?

- Zooinsid



What do you call it when you go out with a woman and you force her to eat pancakes? - Date crepe.



What do you call a nun who you don't like? - A nunt.




Why can't a soldier look wistfully at the ocean? - Because there's no Gaze in the military.



What do you call a dog that doesn't lick his balls? -A Dogsn't

 

[charmed1]

Why is 6 afraid of 7?

Because 7 8 9.

 

[John Roberts]

What do you call it when a long fish didn't quite make it?

- he eelmost made it.


What do you call a young cat with crap all over it?

- A shitten.


What is the most talkative condiment?

- Mayosays.


What should you use to write down that you just took a dump?

-a number 2 pencil.


Where do you leave a hair pie to cool it off?

-on the vagisil.


What do you call it when you have your name written on your breasts?

- Identitties


What do you call it when a lumberjack farts?

- He cut the trees.



What do you call a piece of crap that is horizontal, up against an erect penis that is vertical?

- Poop-and-dick-cular



What do you call some guys with large backbones who sodomize pettite people?

- Spinal men-in-tight-ass



What do you call a fast food chain that gives you gas?

-Burper King




What do you call it when you press your tits onto someone's balls?

- Chesticles.



What do you call a lesbian who drives around in a Ford Winstar full of dimembered penises?

- A Dick-Van Dyke.



What do you call the female child of the woman who helps you while you're pregnant? Also the woman is from Boston and the child is sort of oddly tall shaped.

- My doula's oblong daughtah.



What did the hillbilly jewish guy say when his mother got sick and he didn't care?

- Ma's ill? Tough!



What do you call it when you kill yourself by letting too many animals in your house?

- Zooinsid



What do you call it when you go out with a woman and you force her to eat pancakes? - Date crepe.



What do you call a nun who you don't like? - A nunt.




Why can't a soldier look wistfully at the ocean? - Because there's no Gaze in the military.



What do you call a dog that doesn't lick his balls? -A Dogsn't

Ahh Cookie I have tears from laughing at some of those

 

[cookiejar]

Ahh Cookie I have tears from laughing at some of those

LOL I particularly love date crepe...

 

[Missingmeds]

What a good thread John Roberts....cookie you cracked me up with some of the those.

 

[cookiejar]

What a good thread John Roberts....cookie you cracked me up with some of the those.

Hi MM...hey if anyone can find bad jokes it's me...

 

[John Roberts]

Everyone knows that Ghandi's health was not so good because of all the fasts and his breath was bad from his diet of mostly rice....he was a ....

Super fragile mystic plagued with halotosis