The Advantages of Being Single

[scheherazade_79]

My four-year relationship crashed and burned last year, and I've just come out of another relationship that lasted three months then fizzled.

Now I think I've gone off relationships. At least for a while. More to the point, I kind of like the idea of being single again.

This is the way I see things:


1. I'm going to save money. From now on, the money I would have spent on flowers, meals out, valentine's gifts, birthday gifts, christmas gifts and miscellaneous gifts can be spent on Scheherazade Gifts instead. For the price of a good meal out, I can now get myself an X-Box game instead!

2. I know have an unlimited amount of choice when it comes to sex.

3. I can by a fancy batchelorette sports car without being nagged about money I should be setting aside for a mortgage.

4. It's no longer an issue if I get bored and light up a cigarette.

5. I can now jet off for solo weekend breaks on the continent, install myself near the window of a bar of coffee shop, and just watch beautiful women walking by.

6. My life is an open book. Career-wise I could move anywhere within the EU and not have to worry about any commitments.

7. I can fart in bed without upsetting anyone.

8. I can roll on the floor, toy-fighting with my dogs, and not have to worry about the fact I'm covered in dogs hair.

9. I have more time to spend writing.

10. I now have the chance to be treating myself like a million dollars.




Can anyone add to that?

 

[NoJo]

Yes.

Most important: You can start enjoying your own company.

 

[china-doll]

Not really. But definitly buy the sports car. For years I wanted a Miata, (Eunos to you in Europe) but kept putting off buying one. It is one of the few things I really wish that I had done before I got married.

Now I'll have to wait till my daughters are out of college. Only about 20 years to go.

 

[Guest]

oh im sorry, i thought this thread was The Advantages of Being Simple.
my bad.

 

[NoJo]

oh im sorry, i thought this thread was The Advantages of Being Simple.
my bad.

Vella, you're giving me a complex.

 

[Guest]

Vella, you're giving me a complex.

feel pleased, usually i charge by the min. freebies are rare!

 

[NoJo]

feel pleased, usually i charge by the min. freebies are rare!

Are you saying I have to pay Min? What is she, some kind of agent?

 

[Guest]

Are you saying I have to pay Min? What is she, some kind of agent?

shes my pimp.
dont make her angry... or the feathers will fly!

 

[NoJo]

shes my pimp.
dont make her angry... or the feathers will fly!

I'm looking for someone who can phatten and low-ride my Pinto. How is she with a spray-gun?

 

[scheherazade_79]

oh im sorry, i thought this thread was The Advantages of Being Simple.
my bad.

Is that what drew you here, Vella?

*Sigh* I could teach you so much, honey. Are you able to stay awhile?

 

[Guest]

I'm looking for someone who can phatten and low-ride my Pinto. How is she with a spray-gun?

theres no telling without opposable thumbs... you take your chances.
tell me you dont have to pop the clutch to get your pinto started...
they make better beans

 

[wornoutkeyboard]

I often dream of the advantages of being single.

......Not having to listen to Mr. WOK snore at about 300db, grind his teeth in a way that makes you certain he will wake up with nubs, wheeze all night like a tea-kettle (and somehow he finds taking his asthma medication just too difficult) and scratching on his nuts until he has struck gold.

.....then he rolls over, wakes up and wants nookie.

All I have to say is Mr. WOK is one sexy beast.

~WOK

 

[NoJo]

I often dream of the advantages of being single.

......Not having to listen to Mr. WOK snore at about 300db, grind his teeth in a way that makes you certain he will wake up with nubs, wheeze all night like a tea-kettle (and somehow he finds taking his asthma medication just too difficult) and scratching on his nuts until he has struck gold.

.....then he rolls over, wakes up and wants nookie.

All I have to say is Mr. WOK is one sexy beast.

~WOK

Well, there's one advantage to tinnitus, anway...

 

[Guest]

You won't have anyone constantly trying to kiss you and hug you and tell you they love you for no reason.

You can enjoy that wonderful feeling of rolling over onto the cold side of the bed.

You won't have anybody waking you up when you are trying to sleep in just because they felt like fixing you breakfast in bed or because you look so beautiful in the morning they couldn't resist you.

You won't have to share anything.

[/sarcasm]

 

[OhMissScarlett]

I miss being single! I loved coming home to an empty house when my work day ended. Now that I've been in a relationship for most of seven years, I don't fantasize about other guys, I fantasize about having my own apartment!

These are the things I miss the most:
1. being able to lay around and watch porn when I want to.
2. coming home to a house that's still clean from the last time I cleaned it.
3. when no one pissed on my bathroom floor
4. being able to sleep when I was tired without interruption.
5. I could watch whatever movie I wanted to watch without anyone bitching.
6. Same goes for cooking, I could cook what I wanted to eat and there were no complaints.
7. Silence-no football, no yelling at CNN, no one asking me where their checkbook is....

Stay single, people, and teach your kids the same.

 

[ElizabethWest]

Scarlett, you are such a hoot! But I'm right behind you. After 11 years of marriage, I long for the simpler days.

 

[OhMissScarlett]

Scarlett, you are such a hoot! But I'm right behind you. After 11 years of marriage, I long for the simpler days.

Yesterday my bf was reading an article about some people who were married for 80 years. I thought after 50 years you should get some automatic sainthood and a vacation alone to Barbados.

 

[carsonshepherd]

I can eat spaghetti every night if I want to.
I can stay up all night with no nagging the next morning.
If I get drunk, no one cares.
If all the dishes are dirty I can drink out of a measuring cup.

 

[rgraham666]

[sarcasm]

No more waking up with that warm snuggly feeling in the morning.

You'll always have to make your own coffee in the morning.

You can now enjoy those late nights alone wallowing in pity and wondering "What's wrong with me?"

You're right. Your hands know just what spots like to be played with. And they never talk back, hog the bathroom or mumble incoherently in the morning.

[/sarcasm]

Come back after you've been single for fifteen years sche, we'll see if you've had a change of perspective by then.

 

[brightlyiburn]

You won't have anyone constantly trying to kiss you and hug you and tell you they love you for no reason.

A-FUCKING-MEN! (even if you were being sarcastic )
I can't stand it when someone wants to spend every second of every day clinging to me. I don't want someone telling me they love me just for the sake of doing so.

Also:
-I know I don't lie to me (even though it generally sucks being honest with myself).
-No annoying, oppressive jealousy. Lil' bit of jealousy = cute. Wanting to tear the throat out of any guy I so much as blink at = get the fuck away from me. >.<
-No having to explain my Aspergers to another loved one who ain't gonna listen.
-No 2 minute poke-and-bump.
-No one ignoring me to play EverQuest
-Being able to talk to the cute guy down at the hardware store

 

[Guest]

More fickle than cats, ain't they, Rob?

 

[rikaaim]

You won't have anyone constantly trying to kiss you and hug you and tell you they love you for no reason.

You can enjoy that wonderful feeling of rolling over onto the cold side of the bed.

You won't have anybody waking you up when you are trying to sleep in just because they felt like fixing you breakfast in bed or because you look so beautiful in the morning they couldn't resist you.

You won't have to share anything.

[/sarcasm]

Honestly, I have a problem because that's exactly what I'm trying to get away from. My wife is so loving that I can't stand it. All those things you said, she does. I'm trying to learn to not be such a jerk and accept the fact that she loves me. I have a hard time believing anyone loves me though. That's my problem.

 

[cloudy]

Thee are advantages and disadvantages to both sides.

When you're single:
* You can eat cereal at 10 pm, for dinner, if you want to
* No explaining where you're going when you leave, or what time you'll be back, so if you unexpectedly stay gone all day, no big deal.
* There's always a clean towel
* The fact that you just don't feel like cleaning the house bothers no one
* Free reign with the remote - 'nuff said

But....
* I rarely cooked, since I learned to cook for a large southern family, and it was just too much damn trouble just for me.
* No one to worry about you, or call if you get stranded somewhere
* No one to share that shower with
* No one to commiserate with you when you've had a horrible day
* The bed is damn cold when you get in it at night

 

[R. Richard]

Most of the post here focus on the personal advantages of being single. Let me enumerate some of the external advantages of being single.

1) Each time you show up for a social event, you are presented with an inmate of the Home For Stupid, Ugly, Blind and Deaf as a "surprise date."
2) You always get invited to meaningless events by those who have a grip on your economic well being, but are ridgidly excluded from meaningful events because you have no permanent partner.
3) Some ass hole is always asking you "What the hell do you think you are doing with my wife?" This last question is usually posed just before the bar closes. (Politely asking: "To what level of detail would you like your answer?" seems to push the fuckup's hot button here.)
4) After you deal with the fuckup in item 3), you get to have a long, boring conversation with the police.
5) You get to ponder on really important questions you yourself ask (e.g. "What do you mean you are only 16?")

 

[SweetVA]

Thee are advantages and disadvantages to both sides.

When you're single:
* You can eat cereal at 10 pm, for dinner, if you want to
* No explaining where you're going when you leave, or what time you'll be back, so if you unexpectedly stay gone all day, no big deal.
* There's always a clean towel
* The fact that you just don't feel like cleaning the house bothers no one
* Free reign with the remote - 'nuff said

But....
* I rarely cooked, since I learned to cook for a large southern family, and it was just too much damn trouble just for me.
* No one to worry about you, or call if you get stranded somewhere
* No one to share that shower with
* No one to commiserate with you when you've had a horrible day
* The bed is damn cold when you get in it at night

Most of those can be fulfilled by a good friend, and the rest by a cat.

VA