The Adoptee/Birth Parent Thread

[sutherngent985]

I originally posted this on the GB but it got buried pretty quick so someone suggested I post here.

Ive known I was adopted for as long as I can remember...my parents always made me aware I was chosen. I never thought much about it until I married the 1st time. I would think about my birthparents, siblings, my medical background. After I got divorced I thought about it more often, in a 'Maybe I should look" context. One day I was looking up something in the phone book and came across an search group in my city. I called and the lady told me how to get non-identifying information from the state of CA. I wrote and got it, then talked to her some more. She told me to send the info I had to a person she knew in CA and they would get me the info I was looking for. I sent it out on tues. On thurs, I got the info back...less then 2 days. It had my birth moms name, address and phone number along with a couple of sisters info. I tried calling mom but it was disconnected. So I called one of the sisters. I told her my parents were old friends of her moms (which was true...they knew each other before I was born). She gave me moms number and I called her. I told her who I was and we talked for over 3 hours. We stet up a meeting, and from there things were great until she passed away in Nov of 2004.

I hope other adoptees and birthparents can use this thread for support...you dont have to be looking or even interested in looking but we all need support sometimes. One thing I did want to say is thank you to all the birth moms who made that very hard decision to give their babies up and gave them a chance at life.

 

[LadyofMagic]

Really touching story..I am happy you got you know your birth mom....and it was such a positive experience....

 

[sutherngent985]

Really touching story..I am happy you got you know your birth mom....and it was such a positive experience....

Thank you Lady

 

[Sassyfrass]

LOL....I replied on it over in GB.....

O.K...one more time....

I was born Oct. 60, named and given up for adoption by my birth parents....
My Parents thought they couldn't have kids so started the adoption process through the local social services.....
My Dad hated my birth name and renamed me.....(thank god, my birth name sounded like a strippers name..... )
My adoption became final in Feb. 1961 and at that time my Mom found out she was pregnant for what would be the first of my 3 brothers.....
She kept it a secret thinking they would take me back......

I have no wish to find my birth parents as I had a perfect childhood and perfect parents...
The only thing I would be interested in is knowing my heritage .....(Italian, English, Irish, Native American...etc...)
I don't have any characteristics that stand out as one group or another....
I do however get very dark in the summertime....

I actually thank my birth parents for giving me away so that I could have better.

 

[Essa]

Both sutherngent985 and Sassyfrass's stories are really heartwarming, glad it worked out well for you both

 

[Sassyfrass]

Both sutherngent985 and Sassyfrass's stories are really heartwarming, glad it worked out well for you both

Thank you Essa....because of my adoption I had a wonderful English Grandmother (maternal side), she introduced me to Tea and all sorts of wonderful English traditions....I was crushed when she passed.....

 

[Essa]

Thank you Essa....because of my adoption I had a wonderful English Grandmother (maternal side), she introduced me to Tea and all sorts of wonderful English traditions....I was crushed when she passed.....

Aww poor you at least you've got memories and some of her English traditions to pass down to your own kids

 

[Sassyfrass]

Aww poor you at least you've got memories and some of her English traditions to pass down to your own kids

I feel the luckiest girl to have had her for 19yr.......she never made me feel *different* from her other grandchildren.....and believe me there were plenty....(my Mom is one of 13)

 

[Essa]

I feel the luckiest girl to have had her for 19yr.......she never made me feel *different* from her other grandchildren.....and believe me there were plenty....(my Mom is one of 13)

She sounds an amazing woman mind you she was English

 

[done_got_old]

LOL....I replied on it over in GB.....

O.K...one more time....

I was born Oct. 60, named and given up for adoption by my birth parents....
My Parents thought they couldn't have kids so started the adoption process through the local social services.....
My Dad hated my birth name and renamed me.....(thank god, my birth name sounded like a strippers name..... )
My adoption became final in Feb. 1961 and at that time my Mom found out she was pregnant for what would be the first of my 3 brothers.....
She kept it a secret thinking they would take me back......


I actually thank my birth parents for giving me away so that I could have better.

Your story was quite touching.

I have several friends who adopted thinking they'd never have children, only to get pregnant within a year of adopting. It must be that babies trigger some hormone.

 

[done_got_old]

She sounds an amazing woman mind you she was English

At least she taught her the T and not the V!

 

[Sassyfrass]

At least she taught her the T and not the V!

What's the V ???

 

[Essa]

What's the V ???

Vodka

 

[mrtnmoon]

edited to remove my smartass post. didn't fit in this thread, with the lovely stories. my apologies.

 

[BedtimeStories77]

Quite an interesting thread here. I am on both ends of the spectrum. I am adopted, and have placed a child of my own for adoption.

Growing up, I felt like I didn't belong. I'm not saying I wasn't loved. Far from it, in fact! On my mother's side of the family I'm the first grandkid. (And they've all told me stories of where they were when my parents brought me home from the hospital and heart the adoption was final, etc.) But on my dad's side of the family I was third in line. Grandkid three out of four. The only ravenhead in a sea of platinum.

My parents, my real[ parents, the ones who raised me thought they couldn't have children. They married in 1970 and I guess they tried for a while to conceive. I don't know the details of my adoption since there was no such thing as open adoption back then. I don't know how long they had to wait, or how they "found" my birthmother.

Anyway, I was born in June of 1977. By June of 1978 I had a sister that was my parent's natural child. We're 11 months apart. We look nothing alike. We have no similar interests.

I don't even remember, anymore, how old I was when my parents told me I was adopted. And, as I said, even though I was loved, I couldn't help but feel like I didn't fit in...and for the longest time I hated my biological family for "giving me away"...


Then... Almost nine years ago, barely past my 21st birthday I found out I was pregnant. For the first six months of my pregnancy the "sperm doner" and I were still a couple. Things were fine, and we were living together. (That back story is a big mess and not worth getting into.)

At the start of my third trimester he hicked me out. I found myself "homeless", so to speak. My parents let me move back in with them. Then I had to tell them the news!

Up until that point I planned on keeping my child. But it was then that I realized I wouldn't be able to provide for him the way I would want to. I was almost homeless, figuring the arrangement with my parents was temporary, jobless, and had little money.

It was my Midwife that told me about Nebraska Children's Home Society, a wonderful orginazation that deals with open adoptions, child placement, and support for birthmothers.

Almost instantly I found a couple that I thought was perfect on paper, meeting the type of family life and values I'd want for my child. I knew they were going to be the parents of my child. What I didn't know (then) was that they had been newly placed on the list as hopeful parents and that they went through several years of infertility like my adoptive parents.

Nine months after they adopted my son, they had a natural son of their own. As of this month, that was eight years ago. They also now have a 5 year old daughter through natural birth.


Guess I'm a fertility icon, eh?

 

[mrtnmoon]

Your story was quite touching.

I have several friends who adopted thinking they'd never have children, only to get pregnant within a year of adopting. It must be that babies trigger some hormone.

I've seen a few stories like this in the news, etc. your theory could be right, i.e. having babies around triggers some hormone. or, it could be that after adopting, the stress of trying to produce a child is lessened and without that pressure nature takes its course.

 

[sutherngent985]

I actually thank my birth parents for giving me away so that I could have better.

I know what you mean Sassy...I know I got the better end of the deal. At least once when I would have been about 5 all my siblings were taken away from my parents due to my fathers drunken rages. Now this was in like 1963 or 64 when that happened alot less often.

Oh and thanks for posting on both my threads lol.

 

[sutherngent985]

Both sutherngent985 and Sassyfrass's stories are really heartwarming, glad it worked out well for you both

Thanks Essa...I have a great family and treasure every moment I have had them.

 

[sutherngent985]

Eve I can only imagine what giving up your child was like for you. I have a 9 yr old son who is the light of my life...I cant think of what life would be like without him.

Just curious about one thing...was your an open adoption and are you in contact with your son?

 

[BedtimeStories77]

Just curious about one thing...was your an open adoption and are you in contact with your son?

Oh, I thought I stated that Nebraska Children's Home Society was strictly involved in open adoptions? Yes, it is. Before moving to Illinois, I saw him all the time. I still do see him if I visit home or they're visiting extended family in Chicago.

 

[sutherngent985]

Oh, I thought I stated that Nebraska Children's Home Society was strictly involved in open adoptions? Yes, it is. Before moving to Illinois, I saw him all the time. I still do see him if I visit home or they're visiting extended family in Chicago.

Im happy for you that you are involved in his life and he will know you as he gets older. I had contact with my birthmom for 10 or 11 years and it was a special time for me.