That's one small (four inch) step for woman...

[notalwaysweak]

I just wanted to share this experience somewhere, and this is the best place I know to do so.

Many moons ago, I got anally raped by my ex quite a few times and the pain and suffering it caused led me to swear off anal play forever.

But then I was having a solo play session the other day, and decided I was going to venture a few light touches to see if I still freaked out over it. I used a ton of lube (he never used lube, which was one reason why it was so bad), and took it really carefully, and decided it wasn't too bad after all.

So today after work I went and got myself a four inch jelly butt plug (something nice and small to start off with), and used it in today's solo play session, because I like to test-drive such things before mentioning them to my partner. And it was fun! I don't know if it will be something I favour over other forms of stimulation, but it was good enough just knowing that I've finally broken myself of that fear.

Just wanted to share... I figured y'all would understand

 

[nonotthere]

Congratulations. Are you ready for the next step? When will you tell your partner?

 

[notalwaysweak]

I don't know what to tell him, since he's made it abundantly clear that he doesn't want to try anal, but maybe he'll be okay with me having the toy in during 'normal' sex. I have to have a think about it.

 

[VelvetDarkness]

I enjoy anal play, even when Master gets rough with me sometimes. I find that the A-gasm is different, a somehow deeper sensation. We sometimes use buttplugs and similar toys and I have also done DP using a dildo and Master's cock. It was very intense. If he chooses to start slow and use plenty of lube, there is hardly any discomfort. I'm glad you found enjoyment in this again.

 

[EmpressFi]

Congratulations! I find that the way you're going about it is the best way..for me. My ex did the same to me many years ago. Then I would get conflicting feelings of wanting it (I'd love it when a lover would play with my ass during sex, but never penetrate.. I'd freeze up). And then I started with small toys, plugs, etc, to where I can have toys and plugs and both Malin and Master have had anal sex with me, though, I still cant go for very long, even with lube. If it's something you enjoy, just go slow with it and when you're ready to tell your partner, I agree.. just start with toys.

 

[rida]

CONGRATULATIONS

Even without having had any traumatic experience as the one you went through with your ex, I had a mental block over anal due to bad constipation in my younger days.

But when I felt ready to give it a try, we started out very very slow with the smallest toy you could find, I did a lot of reading up and got myself a plug to try out. Until, one day I felt ready to give a shot to the real thing and got Hubby in. It took lots of lube and time, but we did it

And since then ... well, let's just say that I have been wondering why I waited so long ... lol

... and have to confess that I like it also raw, without any lube ... *blush*

 

[notalwaysweak]

*hugs and *

Thank you, Velvet and Fi and Rida. It's really reassuring to know that people think I'm going about this the right way. I have to admit that DVS's thread was fairly inspirational

I still don't know when/if I'll tell my partner, considering he's not interested in anal (he's made it really clear that he's not), but I don't know that it matters so much. What matters is that I've reclaimed that part of my sexuality and I'm not being haunted by memories.

 

[rida]

*hugs and *

Thank you, Velvet and Fi and Rida. It's really reassuring to know that people think I'm going about this the right way. I have to admit that DVS's thread was fairly inspirational

I still don't know when/if I'll tell my partner, considering he's not interested in anal (he's made it really clear that he's not), but I don't know that it matters so much. What matters is that I've reclaimed that part of my sexuality and I'm not being haunted by memories.

Yes, DVS thread is a dangerous thread to read
Maybe you could share it with your partner?

At any rate, what is important is, as you said, is that you reclaimed back a part of your sexuality. Congratulations again!

 

[sexikyttn]

Congratulations! That really is quite an accomplishment and one to be very proud of

::hugs::

 

[Breaker_Morant]

I'm glad you're strong enough to put the past behind you. You're a brave woman and I admire you for that.

 

[LittleJade]

Congratulations!

I know what it's like to conquer fears- asphyxia play and breath-control play were like that for me- a lover I had tried to murder me by strangulation (after having tortured and raped me), and I now embrace erotic asphyxiation (not autoerotic asphyxiation- this is at the hands of my loving partner), and breath play... it took a while, and I still sometimes wig out on it... but, progress.


Kudos to you- I'm so happy to hear of this step forward.

 

[graceanne]

*hugs* Congrats.

 

[SirLeo]

Chances R

I don't know what to tell him, since he's made it abundantly clear that he doesn't want to try anal, but maybe he'll be okay with me having the toy in during 'normal' sex. I have to have a think about it.

Chances r he told you that to help you feel comfortable given your past experience. Believe it or not we men can be amazingly senseitive. That said, I have yet to meet a man, especially one with Dom proclivities (sp?) that did not get incredibly turned by thought let alone the act of ass fucking. I suggest you slowly encourage him, (we men are also easily confused) so that he has time to adjust and determine that this is a place he can go without freaking you out. Then lay back and enjoy.

My m and I love anal, especially DP witheither My cock in her pussy or ass and the other filled with My or her fingers, dildo, or vibe.

 

[notalwaysweak]

Rida: dangerous, or inspiring?

Sexikyttn: thank you! *hugs*

BM: that really means a lot to me.

LittleJade: I don't think I could ever get into breath play -- the same ex tried to strangle me with my collar, and so I've only just started wearing a collar again (I got rid of that specific collar), but that's so fantastic that you're able to enjoy it.

Gracie: *cookies*

SirLeo: He did tell me that before I'd been explicit with him about the form of abuse I'd received from my ex, but then again, who knows? People change with time.

 

[rida]

Rida: dangerous, or inspiring?

Let's just say ... both

 

[SubKekiLee]

SI- I feel ya I used to also have an ex who just would tear through and be so not nice.. and it made me fear for anal.. When I got together with my Sir I knew he had an anal fetish after we worked at it for several months I sooooo enjoy it now.. sometimes even asking for it...... So I am sure you will begin to enjoy it more and more.. and I too had DVS as an inspriation and I am glad I enjoy it.... In fact the last time I saw Sir we had some anal play and fun.. and I agree with VD- an A-gasm is must more emotionally and connected deeper and feels so different than what you could i magine..

 

[myinnerslut]

congrats! i know where your coming from (less so, but in the same area) there and it is awsome that you got past that.

my ex used anal as a punishment for years and i had some pretty bad associations with it that made it very painful for me to participate in. when i visited Master for three weeks, he set a ritual that he would finger my ass in the shower. the shower was a place where i was most relaxed and so it didnt hurt as much. slowly (very slowly) it got to be more ok to the point where i have been able to enjoy anal sex (well, once, but i dont think ill mind so much the next time either).

 

[notalwaysweak]

I agree with VD- an A-gasm is must more emotionally and connected deeper and feels so different than what you could i magine..

Sounds good to me!

my ex used anal as a punishment for years

Now that's fucked up. Although thinking about it, a couple of times mine was the same sort of thing. I'm happy that you're with someone now who's taking their time to look after you and ease you into things.

 

[FurryFury]

How wonderful for you! I'm so happy you've found your way over that barrier and into a place of pleasure!

*HUG*

 

[notalwaysweak]

Thank you! It feels so good to have broken down that block.