Thanks Facebook and other Fuckers!

[FurryFury]

I now have a father hunger so strong I feel like I'm starving. Damn it. I hate all of you. Just saying.

Oh and btw, your father wasn't perfect. in fact, no one was, ever, unless you believe in religion and all.

Also, holidays, IMO should be about celebrating the good things, or remembering FONDLY, not whining about what you've lost.

Of course everyone is free to see things as unrealistically and whiny as they want and grieving sucks. I know this well.

*grr*

Now I'm going to go look for pictures of my Dad and maternal Granddad. Next year on this day, I'm avoiding those kinds of web sites though.

FF

 

[desertslave]

My Dad and I clashed on a regular basis, but usually only skirmishes. He was very much a "still waters run deep" type, so my life's goal was making him laugh or (as I got older) making him blush. I learned a lot from him, but I know now that I missed several lessons along the way.

I'm not whining, but even after 18 years I miss him bunches.

 

[FurryFury]

I understand that. *HUGS* I miss mine bunches too. Today I'd like to focus on the good memories, not the sadness and loss. I'd also like to focus on the fathers that are still here with us. Such as my husband, my ex FIL and so on.

 

[graceanne]

I now have a father hunger so strong I feel like I'm starving. Damn it. I hate all of you. Just saying.

Yeah. I even considered calling my ex-stepdad.

Father's day sucks.

 

[Licia]

A few memories:

He'd show up unannounced and kidnap the kids for a day. They'd come back sunburt, exhausted and well fed.

He listened when I spoke to him.

He had a term for friends he felt were beneath him: useful assholes. He would later learn that a useful asshole would be the one to save his life and not rub the humiliation in his face.

He felt he had earned his right to racism.

He took in wayward teens and taught them how to be functioning people. He listened when they spoke.

I taught him a new lesson on respect: if she truly respects you, she will be honest in her response. Your ability to react appropriately to the given response is your own responsibility. I sang him a Jimmy Buffet song to drive the point home. Mah hahahaha haha!

I taught him that there was in fact something to this new school child rearing shit.

He bragged that his cooking got him laid.

He frequently impersonated Rodney Dangerfield while interacting with me.

I always called him on his bullshit.

The hubs has been going strong at dad for seven sober years.

He's bigger than the blip on the calendar.

 

[FurryFury]

It's not gotten to me the way it has this year in a long damn time.

*hugs*

It's funny. I don't miss my grandmother very often. She was always unhappy, clinically insane and often mean. She was a totally unreasonable person too but OMG, I miss my Daddy.

He was no saint and I miss my Granddad so much. They were fun and childlike in some ways, good ways, though sometimes fearsome too. The holidays are not and will not be the same without them.

Still I'm resolved to enjoy and be thankful for each day regardless. It seemed like my mother was always trying to ruin the holidays. I will not allow that to be the way I am for my kids.

Yeah. I even considered calling my ex-stepdad.

Father's day sucks.

 

[FurryFury]

Awesome stuff Lucia!

I miss singing with my Dad while he played guitar and sang.

I miss his gardening, stained glass and painting.

Mostly I just miss my business partner and best friend for the last ten years of his life.

I do not miss him steroid fueled rages, religion or how he worked to keep mom and I apart because he felt we might gang up on him.

I don't miss his embarrassing jail time that was splashed all over the media.

Or how when he and mom were divorced for a while, he would try to use me to get to her and ignore me. I don't miss how he thought he was safe when telling her he'd shoot himself (using blanks) only to find out he could have really died.

I sure don't miss his affairs and how he'd compare me unfavorably to the kids of those women.

Or how he never wanted anyone to know he was old enough to have a kid my age.

His playfulness though was so fun.

He was like a kid at Christmas. One year he insisted I open a present for each day of Christmas.

I will never be sorry I took him to Florida against medical orders and we shared that last trip just before he died the weekend of Father's Day so long ago. Next year I'll be 52. His age when he died.

My granddad, he used to go on walks to sneak smokes. On those walks I was sworn to secrecy and told stories about his time and the war and so much more.

He was like a kid at Christmas. One memorable year he put up three trees in his house.

A few memories:

He'd show up unannounced and kidnap the kids for a day. They'd come back sunburt, exhausted and well fed.

He listened when I spoke to him.

He had a term for friends he felt were beneath him: useful assholes. He would later learn that a useful asshole would be the one to save his life and not rub the humiliation in his face.

He felt he had earned his right to racism.

He took in wayward teens and taught them how to be functioning people. He listened when they spoke.

I taught him a new lesson on respect: if she truly respects you, she will be honest in her response. Your ability to react appropriately to the given response is your own responsibility. I sang him a Jimmy Buffet song to drive the point home. Mah hahahaha haha!

I taught him that there was in fact something to this new school child rearing shit.

He bragged that his cooking got him laid.

He frequently impersonated Rodney Dangerfield while interacting with me.

I always called him on his bullshit.

The hubs has been going strong at dad for seven sober years.

He's bigger than the blip on the calendar.

 

[WickedSpitFire]

I love my dad, have a really great relationship with him, and this year was the first year I've actually been physically with him on Father's Day in quite a few years...and that's great and all...but even so, I agree Father's Day frickin sucks...

I'm not my dads only kid. He's got another daughter from his first marriage. The only time she calls is to check on if he's still alive. Which upsets him.

June is just really upsetting for my dad. Father's Day and his birthday are both this month, and he hasn't heard from my sister for either in years. And I get upset when he gets upset.

Having my dad for a dad wasn't any kinda picnic, for sure. But if I could forgive him, so could she. Especially because I was around for his bullshit substance abuse and detox years. She wasn't, and for whatever stupid reason, she chooses to hate him for really stupid delusional reasons. She's my sister. I'm allowed to say that...(right?)

This year is exceptionally hard now that I'm physically here to see how depressed he is over not hearing from her at all. No card, no call, no nothing. Oi. I could kick a bitch.

 

[graceanne]

It's not gotten to me the way it has this year in a long damn time.

*hugs*

It's funny. I don't miss my grandmother very often. She was always unhappy, clinically insane and often mean. She was a totally unreasonable person too but OMG, I miss my Daddy.

He was no saint and I miss my Granddad so much. They were fun and childlike in some ways, good ways, though sometimes fearsome too. The holidays are not and will not be the same without them.

Still I'm resolved to enjoy and be thankful for each day regardless. It seemed like my mother was always trying to ruin the holidays. I will not allow that to be the way I am for my kids.

My father was emotionally unavailable. My stepdad was, to all intents and purposes, my father figure. He said he loved me and my sister like we were his own.

Then, nearly twenty years later, he and my mom divorced. He told her "I'm sick of dealing with your fucking kids."

 

[WickedSpitFire]

Then, nearly twenty years later, he and my mom divorced. He told her "I'm sick of dealing with your fucking kids."

shakes head

That's some bologna.

I've got myself an adoptive youngster. I knew what I was signing up for, more or less, when I got involved with someone who had a kid...okay so maybe I didn't...

But leaving or throwing a hissy fit because I couldn't deal with her...I just...don't understand.

I'm sowwwwwy.

 

[graceanne]

shakes head

That's some bologna.

I've got myself an adoptive youngster. I knew what I was signing up for, more or less, when I got involved with someone who had a kid...okay so maybe I didn't...

But leaving or throwing a hissy fit because I couldn't deal with her...I just...don't understand.

I'm sowwwwwy.

To tell the truth, I've mostly dealt with it. He's an asshole. Oh, well. It's just difficult on days like today with my real dad being dead, and my unwillingness to inflict myself on my step dad.

 

[WickedSpitFire]

To tell the truth, I've mostly dealt with it. He's an asshole. Oh, well. It's just difficult on days like today with my real dad being dead, and my unwillingness to inflict myself on my step dad.

I had this conversation with someone last night, actually, on a totally different and unrelated topic.

Just because we've dealt with it, doesn't make it suck any less. Doesn't make him any less of an asshole.

 

[graceanne]

I had this conversation with someone last night, actually, on a totally different and unrelated topic.

Just because we've dealt with it, doesn't make it suck any less. Doesn't make him any less of an asshole.

No it doesn't. But he's getting his own. He left my mom, and abandoned my littlest sister (who is his biological child) for some floozy he'd never met in Missouri - turns out she's dying (cancer) and psychotic (paranoid schizophrenia).

 

[WickedSpitFire]

No it doesn't. But he's getting his own. He left my mom, and abandoned my littlest sister (who is his biological child) for some floozy he'd never met in Missouri - turns out she's dying (cancer) and psychotic (paranoid schizophrenia).

Oh Missouri. Oh sweet misery. Ha. That's where my pops and my older sister are originally from, and that's where she went back to. I've been back a few times myself to visit family, who haven't heard from her in years. I never seem to manage to call her up for a visit while I'm there...

Someone once said to me that any day of the week you can meet someone from St Louis. Still holds true to this day on some given occasions.

They all get theirs in the end. My sister probably will too, for the bullcrap she puts my dad through every holiday. I can only hope.

 

[jhenry922]

My wife had to tell me on Saturday that it was Father's Day and after she'd planned to see hers (nice enough guy but after 13 years I still don't know him very well) even though he was somewhat abusive to her.

It turns out she couldn't see him at all because her sister she had a falling out with (instant bitch, just add alcohol).

In reading this thread, I just thought about how my own father has been dead for 31 years and I don't miss him at all. I don't remember EVER thinking about him on this day. At least not in the context of "father".

What I should do is send his brother, my Uncle Walt, a card instead. His patience and kindness means more to me than some act of biology some 47 years in the past.

 

[FurryFury]

You should totally tell him how you feel.

My wife had to tell me on Saturday that it was Father's Day and after she'd planned to see hers (nice enough guy but after 13 years I still don't know him very well) even though he was somewhat abusive to her.

It turns out she couldn't see him at all because her sister she had a falling out with (instant bitch, just add alcohol).

In reading this thread, I just thought about how my own father has been dead for 31 years and I don't miss him at all. I don't remember EVER thinking about him on this day. At least not in the context of "father".

What I should do is send his brother, my Uncle Walt, a card instead. His patience and kindness means more to me than some act of biology some 47 years in the past.

 

[FurryFury]

Oh and another wrinkle on this holiday that I don't like?

The highly defensive single mom patting herself and other mom's on the back for doing "double duty" and putting up post anti fathers and men.

Look. I get it. I do. Still this was Father's Day, not hate on them day or self aggrandizing day chill the fuck out!

I'm a big supporter of single moms but damn!

 

[Kurokami]

Yeah, I kind of figured reading this thread wouldn't make me feel great...

My dad was a psychopath, and that's all I'm going to say about that. I nor any of my siblings have spoken to him in years, and we're all better off for it. I can only hope his father's day was a lonely, guilty thing where he reflected on how he treated his sons, and maybe felt like a piece of shit about it, just once.

Me, I gave myself the gift of not thinking about him on that day. For the first time I was experiencing a father's day as a father myself, and it was goddamn great! Mostly it was only different from any other day was that I got to hang out all morning and cuddle my daughters without worrying about having to, y'know, change them or anything, but it was still awesome.

 

[Licia]

My step-father is a misogynistic good 'ole boy, and I hated him for so long that my care ran out. After my mother divorced him I said, "I know you tried to the best of your ability."

He wept. All I had left for him was pity.

Years passed.

My car needed oil. He put oil in the machine.

My roof needed fixing. He supplied knowledge, action and directions.

I wanted a hardwood floor. He again put forth his carpentry skills.

He thinks it funny that I tell my hubs what to do and yet still manages to show the hubs ultimate respect. He thinks it's funny that another man has to deal with me.

He is still a misogynist to this day and I neither respect or like him for the trait.

I've sorta accepted him, but I still call him on his bullshit, everytime.

He doesn't talk much.

He calls me every few months to try and give me stuff he does not want anymore.

I suspect he loves and respects me in his own way, and I can deal with that.