"Thankful Abandon" - Feedback for Angelick77

[Angelick77]

Hello all,

I've been reading this site for years and finally decided to bite the bullet and jump in the fray with my balls out by submitting my first piece of writing and using it as a submission for the Winter Holiday Contest.

http://english.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=285516

Of course I'd love to win, but with all the great writers out there, all I really am hoping to gain is some good feedback. Suggestions, comments on what I could do better, what you would like to see happen, etc. etc. Any and every bit of advice would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks very much and I hope everybody has a great Thanksgiving!

- Angel

 

[SEVERUSMAX]

Hello all,

I've been reading this site for years and finally decided to bite the bullet and jump in the fray with my balls out by submitting my first piece of writing and using it as a submission for the Winter Holiday Contest.

http://english.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=285516

Of course I'd love to win, but with all the great writers out there, all I really am hoping to gain is some good feedback. Suggestions, comments on what I could do better, what you would like to see happen, etc. etc. Any and every bit of advice would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks very much and I hope everybody has a great Thanksgiving!

- Angel

Read it just now, loved it, and made a comment on another board.

 

[RoySwift]

Damn, this is a awesome story. I wish there was like a movie of this or something. Damn, this is great.

 

[Angelick77]

Thanks for the feedback and the great review. I should be posting a follow-up soon and hope that you'll stop by and give it a read when it's up!

Thanks again for taking the time to read it! I know it's a bit of a long read.

 

[Angelick77]

Chapter 2

I just posted up a follow-up chapter:

http://english.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=286705

It hasn't been up for very long, but I've gotten some replies on it that showed a distaste for the subject matter. I wasn't sure if the comments were a result of the storytelling, the subject matter or the writing.

I asked the BDSM board if perhaps I had touched upon a subject that was frowned upon, so I would like to ask the same of anyone who might come across this thread here.

Is the story/writing style subpar compared to my first admission? Or is the subject matter too far off the deep end? Or is there perhaps something else that I can improve upon?