"thank you for letting me love you"

[sillypuppy]

I thought I had no ability to feel love and no interest in sex at all. But it turns out that I can and do love, and all I needed was to feel safe in telling a woman I loved her. In the past, every time I did that, the woman dove into a hole and disappeared from my life forever. I would lose even the little piece of her life that I was a part of, by telling her how I felt about her. So I became terrified of ever saying it to anyone, and then of feeling it, so that I honestly believed I just couldn't love. But my buried feelings kept trying to express themselves and made me miserable and inconsistent and confusing. Finally, things built up until I did say the magic words to one woman...and it was okay! She is committed and can't have a true relationship with me, but in private it's okay for me to spend what time with her she has available, and for me to be open about how I feel. I even think she likes spending time with me and hearing me sometimes say things such as "thank you for letting me love you."

I'm looking to talk to people who have a similar history and are at a similar stage in their personal and romantic growth. I realize this isn't the place for chat threads, so if you fit the description please either let me know of a tread you've started elsewhere, or private message me here, or send me an invite on skype (wih a message telling me you're from here).

Thank you for your time.