Thank you, and suggestions

[Niwdoog]

Firstly, I'd like to thank everybody for checking out my first story! I, err, quite frankly have never seen anything of mine with 32,000+ views, and climbing. I am, at the current moment, sitting and staring with my mouth agape watching the views climb. So I'd just like to thank y'all for reading it! It's made my day!
It's title is "Tale of Two Twins" by me, Niwdoog, and can be found here

As far as comments/feedback goes:
I have every intention of writing more, in fact, I'm already working on it. It's going to have a bit more development of the characters, as well as a plot. That first part was more-or-less just me sticking my toes in the water. I'm definitely continuing this series for a while.
Thanks for the positive feed back as well, It's keeping me inspired to write, not only on Literotica, but on some of my older novellas as well (which definitely need inspiration!). I'll be putting more meat into my next few chapters now that I know I won't be wasting my time developing everything.

Please give me any feedback, with the aforementioned in mind!
Thanks again! Have a great day!

 

[elfin_odalisque]

Firstly, I'd like to thank everybody for checking out my first story! I, err, quite frankly have never seen anything of mine with 32,000+ views, and climbing. I am, at the current moment, sitting and staring with my mouth agape watching the views climb. So I'd just like to thank y'all for reading it! It's made my day!
It's title is "Tale of Two Twins" by me, Niwdoog, and can be found here

As far as comments/feedback goes:
I have every intention of writing more, in fact, I'm already working on it. It's going to have a bit more development of the characters, as well as a plot. That first part was more-or-less just me sticking my toes in the water. I'm definitely continuing this series for a while.
Thanks for the positive feed back as well, It's keeping me inspired to write, not only on Literotica, but on some of my older novellas as well (which definitely need inspiration!). I'll be putting more meat into my next few chapters now that I know I won't be wasting my time developing everything.

Please give me any feedback, with the aforementioned in mind!
Thanks again! Have a great day!

Have you considered the politeness of posting a link?

Why should we care?

 

[PennLady]

Have you considered the politeness of posting a link?

Why should we care?

Niwdoog did post a link. Check the first paragraph -- the word "here" is linked.

 

[geronimo_appleby]

Have you considered the politeness of posting a link?

Why should we care?

Niwdoog did post a link. Check the first paragraph -- the word "here" is linked.

that's you chastised!

 

[Niwdoog]

Oops! Sorry!

Have you considered the politeness of posting a link?

Haha, yea. Sorry 'bout that. I have a habit of hyper-linking actual text. It's just a pet peeve of mine when I read a whole link written out. But yes, the word "Here" is hyper-linked to my story.

 

[elfin_odalisque]

Haha, yea. Sorry 'bout that. I have a habit of hyper-linking actual text. It's just a pet peeve of mine when I read a whole link written out. But yes, the word "Here" is hyper-linked to my story.

I must apologize for rushing and missing the link. I accept the admonishment but is there any chance you could just use red or blue in future?

To make up, I went and read your story; 45k views must make you orgasmic!!

Despite the rave reviews you've been getting, I think you can aim higher.

Don't give a mountain of description at the start: jump into the action. Start with,

I went downstairs naked to toast a bagel

We are suddenly with you. All the other stuff can be dripped out later. A load of readers will click out unless you involve them immediately.

I am totally lost as to why, if the siblings have seen each other naked as they were growing up, that meeting naked on the landing has such an effect. She's seen his appendage and can't be amazed at the size.

I know you are writing a stroke but to get me really engaged you need to make me want the coupling to happen. Too many incest writers seem to believe that the sheer naughtiness of the liaison justifies skipping the emotional build-up. In all sexual coupling, emotional and sexual reaction is the key but you avoid it. That gets votes.

 

[geronimo_appleby]

I must apologize for rushing and missing the link. I accept the admonishment but is there any chance you could just use red or blue in future?

To make up, I went and read your story; 45k views must make you orgasmic!!

Despite the rave reviews you've been getting, I think you can aim higher.

Don't give a mountain of description at the start: jump into the action. Start with,

I went downstairs naked to toast a bagel

We are suddenly with you. All the other stuff can be dripped out later. A load of readers will click out unless you involve them immediately.

I am totally lost as to why, if the siblings have seen each other naked as they were growing up, that meeting naked on the landing has such an effect. She's seen his appendage and can't be amazed at the size.

I know you are writing a stroke but to get me really engaged you need to make me want the coupling to happen. Too many incest writers seem to believe that the sheer naughtiness of the liaison justifies skipping the emotional build-up. In all sexual coupling, emotional and sexual reaction is the key but you avoid it. That gets votes.

the lead-in is critical for an incest piece. i find that to hook the reader in with a quick taster, as you decribe, and then go back and lead them in slowly - ever so slowly - works. the whole psychology of why the characters are doing what they're doing helps too. tiny steps, lead the reader down the path, engage the reader with conflict ... yeah, that's the way.

 

[Niwdoog]

Indeed...

Elfin_odailsque
====
Don't worry about missing the link, it's just a simple mistake. I switched 'em to red and will do so in the future. I mean, isn't this whole thing about suggestions, anyway?

The views are quite inspirational, I've already begun on the second part now that I know it's totally worth the effort, and am working a bit harder on it.

In a totally different world, I write Novellas (Completely non-erotic), and I have always adopted descriptions that are somewhat lengthy as important parts of my writing style. The biggest writing strategy I use is imagery. I always think a good story has the inclusion of all five senses, so opening the story more bluntly is difficult for me. I fear that without it, a surprisingly large amount of my story would disintegrate. However, since I'm currently writing a sequel, the story will simply pick up with where it left off, in this case, coming back from school.

As to the siblings seeing eachother naked... oops. I suppose that one day I had an idea, and the next I totally forgot about it. My bad! Perhaps I'll work on it in another part! Some sort of important twist to the plot...

Coming soon, there will be lots of emotion. I avoided the work of it in Part 1, because it was my first ever story on lit and I didn't know how well it would go over. I didn't want to spend weeks on something that would rack 30 views. Which is making the 46K views very nice.
====
geronimo_appleby
====
Surprisingly I didn't think too much of the psychology of things. Seeing to it as I study psych... you'd think I would have done that!


In the next few pieces a plot will begin to develop between this and we'll make it into a real story! Thanks you two for the help!

 

[Niwdoog]

Part 2 is out!

Part two is out! Yay! I have begun to develop a plot as it was suggested, and did a few other things differently. If anybody wants to give part two a glance, be my guest. THIS is the link. Suggestions on part two are also appreciated. Thanks mates!

 

[elfin_odalisque]

Part two is out! Yay! I have begun to develop a plot as it was suggested, and did a few other things differently. If anybody wants to give part two a glance, be my guest. THIS is the link. Suggestions on part two are also appreciated. Thanks mates!

This time I found the link without you having to put it in 24 font size and flashing!

First, can I pick up on your comment on openings and part 2. You get very little time to 'catch' readers and a turbo start is all-important. Give a glance at this great bit of advice from Rumple Foreskin. (Even a girly can do links when she tries!)

Also, jumping into Ch.2 is fine but to draw in potential readers who missed Ch.1, you could consider an author comment before the story (in italics) advising newcomers to read the earlier part to understand. That's the way many 'chapter' writers build up big followings.

Right, ch.2. I think the PCs on your story are about right. Except for the glorious cliffhanger ending (where's ch.3?) the story seems rushed and disjointed with little time given to explain why you've included some things. Unless the pizza girl is going to feature significantly later, why include the cameo? It holds up the action and lowers our interest level.

It may be a personal thing but I hate brackets in fiction. I think the story should flow and the writer develop his/her plot without parentheses. Also, 'Truth and Dare' is such an overused deus ex machina in Lit stories that many of us yawn and click back when we come across it.

A bit like the 'seeing each other naked' in Ch.1, there are continuity issues here. Surely, unless I lived a more sheltered upbringing than I thought, a girls' slumber party doesn't include boys? Again, you start with 'six or seven girls' then switch to even numbers of males/females and it has become an orgy. You move too fast. The comment that you should post longer stories is pretty valid in my opinion. Both chapters are rushed and don't dwell on the emotions and need to develop relationships - a bit 'wham, bam . . .'.

For me, dialogue tags are a necessary evil to be avoided as much as possible. When needed for clarity, a down-market, ' X said' is enough. I won't go on except to reflect on the tag 'I snapped quickly' - I giggled. You do make some errors in punctuating dialogue and don't always follow the rule that a change of speaker needs a new paragraph.

On paragraphs, the backlit, rolling screens of the net make paras more than 7-10 lines difficult to read.

It's funny; I'm not a great incest reader - guys like Selena Kitt and RJJohn have been great - but I think you can do very well. I wouldn't bother with comments if I didn't think you had a talent.

Keep going

Elle