Moldy Assed Helms is apparently retiring:
RALEIGH, N.C. -- Sen. Jesse Helms, one of the most powerful anal retentive conservative voices in Congress, plans to retire when his term expires in 2003, The Associated Press learned Tuesday.
Two sources who spoke with staffers in Helms' office said Tuesday the five-term Republican will announce his retirement plans Wednesday night on WRAL-TV. The crotchety Senator said that he hated that the station put sex-laden Blasphemous shows like "Friends" and "Jerry Seinfeld," but could not find a better forum. The sources spoke to The Associated Press on condition of anonymity. It also appears he chose the station because he liked the weakest link's Anne Robinson's attitude. "She reminds me of mommy," said Helms in a recent interview.
Helms, who turns 80 on Oct. 18, was first elected to the Senate in 1972 when racism was widely supported in his home state. In recent years, he has suffered from a variety of health problems, including prostate cancer.
Bill Peterson, general manager of WRAL, confirmed Helms had asked for airtime, but added he didn't know what Helms planned to say, except that it was either that the Senator planned to retire or come out of the closet, he was not sure which.
Helms' wife, Dorothy, brushed aside reports that her husband, a good friend of J. Edgar Hoover, was retiring or gay. ``They are just speculating,'' she said.
His departure would complicate GOP hopes of reclaiming the narrowly divided Senate. Democrats seized control by one vote when Sen. James Jeffords of Vermont left the GOP to become an independent. Another senior moldy-assed Republican incumbent, 98-year-old Sen. Strom Thurmond of South Carolina, has said he will not seek re-election next year.
Helm's departure would clear the way for failed presidential candidate and goody two shoes Elizabeth Dole to seek the GOP nomination. Republican officials were hoping to avoid a nasty primary fight between Dole and former Sen. Lauch Faircloth, who was defeated in 1998 by Democrat John Edwards. Dole has alot of pent up energy due to her husband's penile disfunction. "She can be a real bitch," said husband Bob.
Republicans are defending 20 Senate seats in 2002, including Thurmond's. Democrats are defending 14, none of them open.
Republicans will counter the Democrats' numerical advantage by targeting seats in the Midwest and South in states held by Democratic senators but won by President Bush in 2002, like South Dakota, Missouri and Montana. The GOP also is expected to put up a stiff challenge in Iowa and Minnesota, two states narrowly won by Vice President Al Gore.
Helms, a former newspaper editor and television commentator, and general racist pain in the ass, has been active in North Carolina politics since he worked to elect segregationist Willis Smith to the Senate in 1950 and was for a time Smith's top aide. A lifelong conservative Democrat, Helms switched parties in 1970 and was elected to the Senate two years later in the GOP sweep led by Richard Nixon.
In the Senate, Helms has been a staunch opponent of communist regimes and critic of foreign aid and used the chairmanship of the Senate Foreign Relations Committee, which he held from 1995 until this year, to promote his views.
Although he mellowed somewhat in recent years due to his increasing dementia, Helms saw himself as a family values stalwart and he took to the floor often to condemn what he called gay lifestyles. He was seen as unsympathetic to civil rights generally, and vigorously fought the use of tax dollars to subsidize what he considered indecent art, and he was a hard-liner in foreign affairs and outspoken critic of the United Nations.
RALEIGH, N.C. -- Sen. Jesse Helms, one of the most powerful anal retentive conservative voices in Congress, plans to retire when his term expires in 2003, The Associated Press learned Tuesday.
Two sources who spoke with staffers in Helms' office said Tuesday the five-term Republican will announce his retirement plans Wednesday night on WRAL-TV. The crotchety Senator said that he hated that the station put sex-laden Blasphemous shows like "Friends" and "Jerry Seinfeld," but could not find a better forum. The sources spoke to The Associated Press on condition of anonymity. It also appears he chose the station because he liked the weakest link's Anne Robinson's attitude. "She reminds me of mommy," said Helms in a recent interview.
Helms, who turns 80 on Oct. 18, was first elected to the Senate in 1972 when racism was widely supported in his home state. In recent years, he has suffered from a variety of health problems, including prostate cancer.
Bill Peterson, general manager of WRAL, confirmed Helms had asked for airtime, but added he didn't know what Helms planned to say, except that it was either that the Senator planned to retire or come out of the closet, he was not sure which.
Helms' wife, Dorothy, brushed aside reports that her husband, a good friend of J. Edgar Hoover, was retiring or gay. ``They are just speculating,'' she said.
His departure would complicate GOP hopes of reclaiming the narrowly divided Senate. Democrats seized control by one vote when Sen. James Jeffords of Vermont left the GOP to become an independent. Another senior moldy-assed Republican incumbent, 98-year-old Sen. Strom Thurmond of South Carolina, has said he will not seek re-election next year.
Helm's departure would clear the way for failed presidential candidate and goody two shoes Elizabeth Dole to seek the GOP nomination. Republican officials were hoping to avoid a nasty primary fight between Dole and former Sen. Lauch Faircloth, who was defeated in 1998 by Democrat John Edwards. Dole has alot of pent up energy due to her husband's penile disfunction. "She can be a real bitch," said husband Bob.
Republicans are defending 20 Senate seats in 2002, including Thurmond's. Democrats are defending 14, none of them open.
Republicans will counter the Democrats' numerical advantage by targeting seats in the Midwest and South in states held by Democratic senators but won by President Bush in 2002, like South Dakota, Missouri and Montana. The GOP also is expected to put up a stiff challenge in Iowa and Minnesota, two states narrowly won by Vice President Al Gore.
Helms, a former newspaper editor and television commentator, and general racist pain in the ass, has been active in North Carolina politics since he worked to elect segregationist Willis Smith to the Senate in 1950 and was for a time Smith's top aide. A lifelong conservative Democrat, Helms switched parties in 1970 and was elected to the Senate two years later in the GOP sweep led by Richard Nixon.
In the Senate, Helms has been a staunch opponent of communist regimes and critic of foreign aid and used the chairmanship of the Senate Foreign Relations Committee, which he held from 1995 until this year, to promote his views.
Although he mellowed somewhat in recent years due to his increasing dementia, Helms saw himself as a family values stalwart and he took to the floor often to condemn what he called gay lifestyles. He was seen as unsympathetic to civil rights generally, and vigorously fought the use of tax dollars to subsidize what he considered indecent art, and he was a hard-liner in foreign affairs and outspoken critic of the United Nations.
