Testing the Waters

[becca_59]

What an awesome forum this is. I love the diversity.

I'm not sure if I fit in here or not, but I wanted to test the waters. I make get a few judgement calls about my post, but here goes.

My story--in brief so I won't send anyone reading this to sleep too quickly--My first sexual contact was with a woman. It was a long time ago when I was in high school. I loved it..everything about it. But for whatever reason, I passed it off as curiosity and then began dating guys exclusively. That lasted a couple of years until I was in college. I again found the most incredible sex to be with another woman. I was torn and felt like I needed to choose between men and women. I didn't see being bi as an option then. Giving in to peer pressure, family pressure and countless other pressures, I chose men. I lived the life of a married, heterosexual, "well-adjusted" woman for years. My fantasies always took me back to the women I had made love to though. I didn't act on any of these feelings until many years went by. But, a few years ago, the situation was there, it was all so natural and I began a loving, sexual relationship with another woman,while at the same time, I was married. Sadly, it has ended and I've since moved from the area that she lived in, and so our relationship is now one of dear friends. I'm married and I love sex with my husband, but it's been over three years since I've been with a woman and I miss it.

Over the years, I came to understand that loving both men and women can be wonderful. I know that I miss not having both in my life now.

Ok, so it wasn't as brief as I intended it to be.
I hope to join in here and just have a place to connect.

 

[James Blandings]

Welcome, becca.

 

[PoliteSuccubus]

Sounds like you'll fit in fine. After all they haven't kicked me out yet: Single straight celibate mom of a bi daughter (engaged as of last week to a bi boy) and god mother to a gay boy. Which makes me his fairy god mother!

 

[SweetCherry]

and god mother to a gay boy. Which makes me his fairy god mother!

Hehehe. For some reason I get mental pics of that show on Nickelodean, "the fairly oddparents" or whatever it's called. Good one, PS.

Becca, welcome, and enjoy. You'll do just fine.

 

[Etoile]

Welcome, becca! It does sound like you'll fit in here just fine. Your experiences sound a lot like those of a girl I knew in college, though she hadn't gotten to the point of marriage yet and still had a steady boyfriend who let her fool around with girls. I'm looking forward to having you as part of the community!

 

[becca_59]

James, Polite and Sweet Cherry and Etoile, thank you all for welcoming me. I hope to contribute here. I've been reading over some of the threads and it seems that you all have an easy going community here. I'll be pleased to be a part of it.

 

[WhisperHaven]

What an awesome forum this is. I love the diversity.

I'm not sure if I fit in here or not, but I wanted to test the waters. I make get a few judgement calls about my post, but here goes.

My story--in brief so I won't send anyone reading this to sleep too quickly--My first sexual contact was with a woman. It was a long time ago when I was in high school. I loved it..everything about it. But for whatever reason, I passed it off as curiosity and then began dating guys exclusively. That lasted a couple of years until I was in college. I again found the most incredible sex to be with another woman. I was torn and felt like I needed to choose between men and women. I didn't see being bi as an option then. Giving in to peer pressure, family pressure and countless other pressures, I chose men. I lived the life of a married, heterosexual, "well-adjusted" woman for years. My fantasies always took me back to the women I had made love to though. I didn't act on any of these feelings until many years went by. But, a few years ago, the situation was there, it was all so natural and I began a loving, sexual relationship with another woman,while at the same time, I was married. Sadly, it has ended and I've since moved from the area that she lived in, and so our relationship is now one of dear friends. I'm married and I love sex with my husband, but it's been over three years since I've been with a woman and I miss it.

Over the years, I came to understand that loving both men and women can be wonderful. I know that I miss not having both in my life now.

Ok, so it wasn't as brief as I intended it to be.
I hope to join in here and just have a place to connect.

I had to look twice at the author of this post to make sure I didn't write it myself. Your situation is very similar to mine.

 

[Luna_Wolf72]

welcome Becca

Not nearly as busy as the GB but just as fun...enjoy Your visit...and post often...

 

[becca_59]

Re: Re: Testing the Waters

I had to look twice at the author of this post to make sure I didn't write it myself. Your situation is very similar to mine.

It's nice to meet you Whisper. It's a kick in the ass some days isn't it?

 

[becca_59]

Re: welcome Becca

Not nearly as busy as the GB but just as fun...enjoy Your visit...and post often...

Hi there apet, great to see you again! Thanks for the welcome.

 

[becca_59]

In trying to make that first post brief, I wasn't very clear on one thing. I just re read it and realized that.

It was during my first marriage that I had that special relationship with a woman. My marriage ended, but not totally due to the affair. There were tons of other issues. After my relationship with her ended, I just couldn't see myself with another women other than her, so I again suppressed the desires. I remarried and I haven't been with anyone other than my husband. I don't know which direction I might take in the future. I'm torn between feelings.

Ok, I think that's a bit clearer.

Sometimes I confuse myself.

 

[Luna_Wolf72]

You know what's weird? I think all women have those *crisis* times. (At least those of us who classify themselves as BI) I go back and fourth between the two sexes...though recently it has mostly been women that attract me. Regardless of what You decide for Yourself...just know there are people on this Board who understand.

(though i can say i have never been involved with both sexes at the same time without the other person's awareness...i happen to like poly-amorous relationships) If you wanna vent or ask questions...this is one of the safest, sanest places i know to do so.

And once again welcome...from a LIT flirt....

 

[becca_59]

Thank you pet.

I know that if I become involved with a woman again, it will be with my husband's knowledge. He is fully aware of my past and he knows I have these desires. I'm just not sure how the dynamic of acting on those desires would impact our marriage. He and I are still working on trying to figure that out. I am VERY lucky that he at least understands that I have those feelings.

 

[Luna_Wolf72]

I was involved for a year with a very understanding male who acknowledged my love for women and never felt threatened by it. It is a good feeling, if You are one of the lucky women to have such a Man. I hope things work out for you in such a way as to leave you content and happy. Either way, you sound as if this marriage is a good one...so you are luckier than most for that.

Have a good one...

PET

 

[WhisperHaven]

I know that if I become involved with a woman again, it will be with my husband's knowledge. He is fully aware of my past and he knows I have these desires. I'm just not sure how the dynamic of acting on those desires would impact our marriage. He and I are still working on trying to figure that out. I am VERY lucky that he at least understands that I have those feelings.

It's hard to try to find a woman who will have a physical relationship with a married woman. Sometimes I think another married woman would be my best bet, but usually her hubby wants to watch, or film, or join in or something. Why are husbands so worried that a woman will be able to give their woman something he can't?

 

[becca_59]

I was involved for a year with a very understanding male who acknowledged my love for women and never felt threatened by it. It is a good feeling, if You are one of the lucky women to have such a Man. I hope things work out for you in such a way as to leave you content and happy. Either way, you sound as if this marriage is a good one...so you are luckier than most for that.

Have a good one...

PET

Yes, I am lucky in that regard. Thank you for the good wishes. You're a doll.

 

[becca_59]

It's hard to try to find a woman who will have a physical relationship with a married woman. Sometimes I think another married woman would be my best bet, but usually her hubby wants to watch, or film, or join in or something. Why are husbands so worried that a woman will be able to give their woman something he can't?

I agree, it is hard to find that. I'm not interested in having her husband watch or participate, nor is my husband interested in doing so. Finding a woman to really click with, to share something truly special with is indeed difficult.

I don't know, I suppose many husbands are just that insecure.

My husband knows that there are aspects of my sexuality I can only share with another woman. I can't say that he fully understands it, but at least he listens to me and tries to.

 

[SweetCherry]

I don't know, I suppose many husbands are just that insecure.

I think a lot of this is more than just husbands being jealous. It comes down to, IMO, being bisexual means that there's the possibility of falling for EITHER gender, and just being married to one, doesn't exclude the possibility of falling for a sexual partner of the same gender. I think THAT'S what a lot of men fear and why some of them want to participate, if for no other reason than to watch. Personally, I don't think I could have ever asked my husband for consent to be with a woman when I was still with him, any more than I'd feel comfortable asking my girl if I could be with a man, just because there was something I missed one way or the other. Just that part of me that really can't just have casual sex anymore, I spose. And yet, I also know I'd never be capable with having a relationship with 2 people at once, and for me, that would be the only way I could have sex with them.

 

[becca_59]

That makes perfect sense Sweet Cherry. We all walk a different walk though.

I can't have casual sex either. That's why it's difficult to find a woman that I feel comfortable with. There would have to be emotions involved and I'm sure I'm asking for more than I have a right to. I have a loving husband, but there is a void.

That's what dreams are there for I suppose.

 

[lizthewizz2000]

I love both men's and women's bodies

but would find it difficult to have a relationship (sexual or otherwise) with two at once. Of course, now I'm definitely more towards the "finding a girlfriend" stage - men are nice eye candy but I don't think I want to go there anymore.

Liz