Terrified of going to a munch ...

[Velvet Bubbles]

... or anything that involves meeting other people really. Well, other than getting together with a few specific people from here that is.

We went to this place ages ago. DV8 I believe it was called. Creepy as all get out. Smelled "wrong" somehow. Dressed to their "code" for that night, and yet when we get there we're the only ones following their blasted rules! We left as soon as we felt we politely could. I do believe "skanky" (sp?) is a good word for the place.

Are they all like this? I just signed up on FetLife to see if there was anything going on in our area that I hadn't been able to find before. I got such an incredibly horrible feeling that I just gave up and signed off. Not sure how to react to this feeling. My gut feeling about things tends to be spot on. What reaction have you all had?

Am I freaking out over nothing? I feel so lost.

 

[wicked woman]

Doesn't sound like any munch that I've been to. They've been held in regular restaurants with people wearing regular clothes. Talking only. No play. Like any other gathering of people. Some you like. Others not so much. Just you can talk honestly about BDSM topics and anything else you want.

 

[quimsical]

... or anything that involves meeting other people really. Well, other than getting together with a few specific people from here that is.

We went to this place ages ago. DV8 I believe it was called. Creepy as all get out. Smelled "wrong" somehow. Dressed to their "code" for that night, and yet when we get there we're the only ones following their blasted rules! We left as soon as we felt we politely could. I do believe "skanky" (sp?) is a good word for the place.

Are they all like this? I just signed up on FetLife to see if there was anything going on in our area that I hadn't been able to find before. I got such an incredibly horrible feeling that I just gave up and signed off. Not sure how to react to this feeling. My gut feeling about things tends to be spot on. What reaction have you all had?

Am I freaking out over nothing? I feel so lost.

I second the previous poster: no munch I've ever attended has been like that. The typical munch I've been to is really like a pub night. You go, you talk, you meet folks. Naturally, conversation veers around BDSM, but honestly, it doesn't even have to.

Hope you have better experiences next time!

Q

 

[HottieMama]

Doesn't sound like any munch I have been to either. Our munches are in local restaurants, no alcohol, no play, no fetish wear. Everyone eats and sits around and talks. Sometimes there is a play party afterward, but those are at a private home for now and tend to be fairly exclusive. There is no pressure, and certainly nothing "skanky" going on.

 

[midwestyankee]

The only thing that was skanky at the last munch I attended was the guacamole. Yeecccchh!

 

[desertslave]

We don't go because of logistics, but our local group's munch is held at an IHOP. Pretty harmless atmosphere. (We did have one at a really gross taqueria, but the company was as great as the food wasn't. LOL)

Now, I will say that some of the people can (and have, IME) come off as, well, people I wouldn't want to get real friendly with in any other situation. At one point the icky factor at our local group exceeded the 'cool kids' so we just faded away. I gather that the tone has changed again, but it's a different version of 'not our cup of tea' so we just stay home. I miss some of the friends I made though.

I guess the moral is, nothing ventured nothing gained, like so many other situations.

 

[Netzach]

Was is a club or a munch? Clubs can be really ewww. Munches generally are not or try very hard not to be, you should expect a NON ewwww kind of night.

A lot of the munches I've been to have a large amount of general social cluelessness and lack the kind of discretion I'd really like at a no play event, though. Who cares what you're wearing or not when everyone in pannekoeken haus can hear you talking about your buttplug.

 

[BiBunny]

Was is a club or a munch? Clubs can be really ewww. Munches generally are not or try very hard not to be, you should expect a NON ewwww kind of night.

A lot of the munches I've been to have a large amount of general social cluelessness and lack the kind of discretion I'd really like at a no play event, though. Who cares what you're wearing or not when everyone in pannekoeken haus can hear you talking about your buttplug.

THANK YOU FOR THIS.

The couple of times I went to the local munch, I had this problem. I was like, "Could you assholes SHUT THE HELL UP? And put the fucking toys you brought away! This is a buffet restaurant, not show and tell."

But the people in my area are...questionable, to say the least. There's a reason I don't do the community thing, LOL.

 

[Netzach]

THANK YOU FOR THIS.

The couple of times I went to the local munch, I had this problem. I was like, "Could you assholes SHUT THE HELL UP? And put the fucking toys you brought away! This is a buffet restaurant, not show and tell."

But the people in my area are...questionable, to say the least. There's a reason I don't do the community thing, LOL.

Yeah, I'm actually more comfortable with having to avoid the odd masturbator at the large play event than I am with that kind of thing.

 

[desertslave]

THANK YOU FOR THIS.

The couple of times I went to the local munch, I had this problem. I was like, "Could you assholes SHUT THE HELL UP? And put the fucking toys you brought away! This is a buffet restaurant, not show and tell."

But the people in my area are...questionable, to say the least. There's a reason I don't do the community thing, LOL.

You mean that doesn't just happen here??? O thank jeebus!

The last time we went to a munch, most of the folks were nice and well-behaved, but there's this, ummmmmm (oh hell, just say it!), 'trailer trash' subgroup that made my skin crawl.

I miss the Monday night demos and discussions, and some of the classier play parties.

 

[Primalex]

To expect a munch to be full of people who think like you, is like expecting a Burger King to be full of them. "Is kinky" is as a terrible matchmaking trait as is "likes fast food".

Maybe you should try one of the bigger events instead. It's easier to blend when people don't pay much attention to you.

 

[SithLord13]

I have gone to a few in my city. My SO was a member of the local BDSM group and the munches were basically social events at a local gay saloon, and fetish wear and toys were not allowed. We stopped going as a swingers club vibe started happening and the leader was a lesbian who hated my guts for some reason, my SO thinks it was she had played a few times with her when she was single, mostly floggings and such, so we thought it was she wanted my SO and resented the fact she was str8. We mainly stopped attending as one of the doms turned out to be a convicted sex offender, and the group started drifting away from bdsm to a political gay activist club. So we keep to ourselves but occasionally hang with friends of like mind rather than attend any official group.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Ouch, SithLord.

Straight and gay don't often mix well in sexual situations.

You could create your own munch, if you thought it was worth it. It's not difficult to ask a local resturant to expect a small but growing number of folks in a certain corner once a month. It does take a commitment from you to be there every month no matter what, even if no one shows up on a night.

 

[Velvet Bubbles]

Please accept my apology for not making it a little clearer. We went to a local club which I believe was called DV8. Twas in the boondocks a bit, and boy did we ever get lost trying to find it the first time. The website unfortunately made it seem WAY nicer than it actually was.

It's the only time so far that we've tried to "hang out" with any locals. They had an entry fee - but they couldn't have paid us enough to get us to stay! Needless to say, it has rather put us off trying anything else. From what most people have said though, it sounds like a munch should be pretty safe on the whole.

I was wondering what do you do if you run into someone you work with at one of these things?!

 

[Sir_Winston54]

I was wondering what do you do if you run into someone you work with at one of these things?!

They have as much to lose from outing you as you do from being outed. After all, *they* were there, too.

 

[FurryFury]

I've never run into anyone I knew locally or at any other kink events. Munches are way less scary than a club thing because you dress in normal clothes and meet in a public place. I do figure if I were to see someone I knew it would be pretty safe since they wouldn't want me to talk about them anymore than I wanted them to talk about but it would be interesting.

 

[YourCaptor]

I find it far less weird to meet someone I like and then talk about BDSM, then to meet someone talking about BDSM and then try to like them.

Munches, creepy, and way out of my age bracket anyway.

And by the way, not totally safe, I have heard stories. Don't do anything you wouldn't do otherwise.

 

[SithLord13]

Ouch, SithLord.

Straight and gay don't often mix well in sexual situations.

You could create your own munch, if you thought it was worth it. It's not difficult to ask a local resturant to expect a small but growing number of folks in a certain corner once a month. It does take a commitment from you to be there every month no matter what, even if no one shows up on a night.

I have no problem with gay people, we had worked as security at the saloon where the meetings were held. The meetings just went downhill fast and away from bdsm, and we felt very uncomfortable that they allowed a convicted sex offender to attend meetings and events.

 

[SithLord13]

We have had a few play parties and bbq's with close kink friends as well. It's fun but I think we preferred to play in private alone.

 

[Stella_Omega]

I have no problem with gay people, we had worked as security at the saloon where the meetings were held. The meetings just went downhill fast and away from bdsm, and we felt very uncomfortable that they allowed a convicted sex offender to attend meetings and events.

What kind of conviction was it?

 

[SithLord13]

He molested his teenaged daughter, but he is supposedly one of the connected doms in the local scene. He is on the offender register here. Guy makes my skin crawl!

 

[FurryFury]

Nothing is totally safe. It is up to each individual to be wise and use safety practices.

I've "heard" about all kinds of things, aliens, purple cows . . .

Munches for me, and yes, I'm older than you, have always been fine, not creepy at all.

I find it far less weird to meet someone I like and then talk about BDSM, then to meet someone talking about BDSM and then try to like them.

Munches, creepy, and way out of my age bracket anyway.

And by the way, not totally safe, I have heard stories. Don't do anything you wouldn't do otherwise.

 

[Velvet Bubbles]

Very good point about them not wanting to be outed either. I had considered that. I was more wondering how to react. I mean, do you ignore each other? Laugh about it? <shrugs>

We'd always be careful. No worries there. I just figured that it'd be hard to have local kinky friends to hang out with every now & then if you don't have a way to meet them.

Thanks, guys. I feel better now. I appreciate you commenting on your experiences. I prefer having a "base feel" for things before I try them.

 

[ultramarineblue]

Very good point about them not wanting to be outed either. I had considered that. I was more wondering how to react. I mean, do you ignore each other? Laugh about it? <shrugs>

The reaction depends on the relationship you already have with the person. If you're somewhat close friends, a shared laugh would be appropriate. No matter what, I think following the cues from the other person and just saying a polite hello the way I would react.