Tempted and afraid.

[Yerkiddin]

My wife has a good friend from before she ever met me. This friend was married before I met her, and attractive. My wife and I have been together for over 15 years now, and (since she was virgin when we met) I have let her have an afternoon with a friend, just to see what it was like to have sex with someone else. When this happened, it was supposed to be a deal where we could each step out, but I didn't know of anyone I wanted to step out with, so I told her I wasn't going to. Now, the wife's friend is getting a divorce...

The sad part is that the friend is bi. (and she's the woman I most wish would seduce my wife!) While I'm fairly sure she is interested in my wife, and while I find her attractive, I don't honestly know that she wants anything to do with me. I guess my worry is that I'll say some wrong thing, or make a pass while trying not to, and piss off the both of them.

I'm guessing step 1 is to just keep my mouth shut at least until the divorce is final.

 

[seeshelly]

Be real, honest and natural

I don't think it is wise to make detailed calculations about things like this. If there is a mutual sexual attraction just being real and honest and letting nature take its course will work the best. If there is no mutual sexual attraction trying to plot a course will just end up awkward. Also, be sure to be TOTALLY honest and real with your wife. Do not hide your thoughts or feelings from her and make sure she feels safe to be real with you. If not a marriage with open sex is doomed. It works for us only because we have no secrets. Even then there are some feelings that have to be sorted out from time to time.

Nature is more powerful than our machinations so go with the natural flow. If your wife is ok with it just tell the other woman something about how attractive you think she is. If she is attracted to you and wants to play she will be triggered by your comment. If she isn't you have not made a fool of yourself.

 

[Yerkiddin]

Happily, I have already told my wife. I have not asked for permission to do anything with the friend, as while she did contact me, she is still married and living out-of-state.

 

[BrokenBarbie]

Disclaimer: Never been married, never will be. Nobody would be that crazy.

That being said, just keep communication with the wife flowing, anything else will be the beginning of the end.

 

[Yerkiddin]

The only worrisome detail is that, while this was the wife's friend, she sent me a message first, and when I fb-friended her, she didn't immediately fb friend my wife.

This leaves me a bit confused, as she would actively flirt with my wife, back when she was married. (My wife didn't see it as flirting, but the other woman's husband was afraid his wife was going to cheat on him with my wife, and I thought she was being flirty, too.)

 

[Yerkiddin]

An update: Wife's friend is disappointed wife isn't interested, but she is interested in me. Wife and I are trying out polyamory, and wife is OK with me dating out-of-state friend, as soon as she can get back here.

Naturally, covid19 has screwed this all up, as friend's house isn't going to sell when nobody can come look, and friend can't get divorced without the courts being open, and they aren't.