Tell me again how dads 'parent equally' these days...

[sweetnpetite]

This does not suprise me.

LONDON (Reuters) - Half of British fathers either continue to doze or pretend to be asleep when their babies cry during the night, making many mothers resentful, a survey released on Thursday shows.



In addition to the 52 percent of dads who do not get up with their wailing children, a further 22 percent only get up after their partner has already crawled out of bed.


The lack of support leaves six in 10 mothers feeling bitter toward their partners. Restless nights also mean 86 percent of mums prefer sleep to sex.

http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&ncid=757&e=1&u=/nm/20040909/od_nm/odd_sleep_dc

 

[Weird Harold]

Re: This does not suprise me.

LONDON (Reuters) - Half of British fathers either continue to doze or pretend to be asleep when their babies cry during the night, making many mothers resentful, a survey released on Thursday shows.

Those numbers used to be much higher.

As little as 30 years ago, it would't have even been a question that would be asked in a survey -- no "real man" would admit to waking up with the baby, even if he did.

 

[Guest]

Re: This does not suprise me.

LONDON (Reuters) - Half of British fathers either continue to doze or pretend to be asleep when their babies cry during the night, making many mothers resentful, a survey released on Thursday shows.



In addition to the 52 percent of dads who do not get up with their wailing children, a further 22 percent only get up after their partner has already crawled out of bed.


The lack of support leaves six in 10 mothers feeling bitter toward their partners. Restless nights also mean 86 percent of mums prefer sleep to sex.

http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&ncid=757&e=1&u=/nm/20040909/od_nm/odd_sleep_dc

I've talked about role reversal in my marriage before. Seriously, I used to do that, while he got up and saw to our babies. *snicker*

Not when they were very young, though, as I did breastfeed them both for the first few months. Even then he used to tell me to get the pump out and let him do his bit some nights.

The sleep and sex thing was rather a role reversal, too. I'd never prefer sleep over sex. Even then I didn't.

Lou - who is lucky in many ways.

 

[Quiet_Cool]

Re: Re: This does not suprise me.

Those numbers used to be much higher.

As little as 30 years ago, it would't have even been a question that would be asked in a survey -- no "real man" would admit to waking up with the baby, even if he did.

I'm not the way described with my kids (mostly because I don't have any kids... ), but Weird Harlod is right about this. Things aren't equal at all, but progress is progress. And as long as there are women who believe that they should (or should be able to) stay at home with the kids, this is a two way street, with both parties equally responsible.
Not pointing fingers at anyone in particular, cuz mostly we'll all to blame for the boats we're floating in...

 

[lewdandlicentious]

I'm surprised that anyone is surprised by this!!!

That said, I'm proud to say I did my bit, often getting up first.

I also had my lazy nights too!

As did she!!

 

[poohlive]

The numbers might be a little off, especially comparing them to American statistics.
Here, around 50 percent of marriages get a divorce. Over in the UK, I believe the lastest numbers show only 20 percent get a divorce. (http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/1502007.stm)

Now, you take the fact that in America, the father isn't even there to change the diaper half the time.

So, in Britian, mothers complain about getting up in the middle of the night instead of husbands... well, I'd rather have that than in America, where most of our fathers aren't even there in the first place.

I'll take a bitter mom over a shadowless dad any day.

 

[lewdandlicentious]

.....................I'll take a bitter mom over a shadowless dad any day.

Good call!

 

[cloudy]

There are plenty of men out there that do their share of child raising/caring duties. The "lazy" father is not nearly as pervasive as that article would have you believe - I know several men who are raising their children by themselves, as a choice, and several others who do at least half the work, and most likely a much larger percentage than that.

 

[tolyk]

I don't know about other guys, but when my son woke up in the night, I was the one who got him. My wife would not get out of bed until I was already up, like your original post states about men. It is so much more than a study can tell. What if the man is the working figure in the family, and does 12 hour shifts a day, he needs his sleep or else he won't be able to function properly at work and what will that get you? No job and bills piling up. Hell, I know some people that the wife wil get up and tell the husband to stay in bed. So are the guys supposed to feel bad when they do what they are told and then have statistics thrown around like that?

Does the survey ask the question, "Do you tell your spouse to stay in bed, and take it all on yourself?" I highly doubt it. (For eiter men or women)

As I said, I would always get up, and took care of the child 75% of the time. My wife did not work, having opted to be the at home parent (Which we discussed, and that is what she wanted, because I would of gladly forgone the working world to take care of my family and home)

A survey can prove anything that the people want it to, as long as the questions are phrased correctly, or have limited options. Surveys mean shit in the "real world". My two cents.

 

[doormouse]

I wasn't going to comment on this thread, but fuck it.

What the Hell is a father anyway? A fucking sperm donor?

My daughters tell anyone who'll listen that 'daddy' broke mummy's hand. They made Father's Day cards to their Uncle!!

Yet, that prick is still able to take me to court fighting for custody for kids who don't even think they have a father UGH!!!!

The last time they heard from him was the weekend before Easter when he broke their heart yet again. Didn't turn up to take them away. Assholes like that shouldn't be allowed to call themselves fathers.

I'm protecting my little girls from the horrors of the world, yet this scum of the earth is still legally allowed to hurt them and there's nothing I can do about it.

I hate this life.

 

[cloudy]

I wasn't going to comment on this thread, but fuck it.

What the Hell is a father anyway? A fucking sperm donor?

My daughters tell anyone who'll listen that 'daddy' broke mummy's hand. They made Father's Day cards to their Uncle!!

Yet, that prick is still able to take me to court fighting for custody for kids who don't even think they have a father UGH!!!!

The last time they heard from him was the weekend before Easter when he broke their heart yet again. Didn't turn up to take them away. Assholes like that shouldn't be allowed to call themselves fathers.

I'm protecting my little girls from the horrors of the world, yet this scum of the earth is still legally allowed to hurt them and there's nothing I can do about it.

I hate this life.

There are some out there that are complete and total fuck-ups. But, there are also some out there that are supportive and loving. The trick is to find one. Don't let one bad one ruin things for you, sweetheart.

 

[bloodsimple]

Doormouse,

Sorry to hear you're having such a tough time. I can only endorse Cloudy's message.

Someone asked about the British divorce rate - it's actually about 40% and the highest in Europe. Another record we hold, along with the highest rate of abortion, and of teenage and unwanted pregnancies.

I would add that there can also be an alternative version of the scenario. This is where a divorced husband doesn't get to see his children, because the ex-wife refuses to comply with the agreed details of visitation rights. This happens often in Britain, since judges refuse to imprison women for this, meaning they can effectively defy the law with impunity.

It would be nice to think that both partners could set aside their feelings sufficiently to offer love and support to their children, but sadly, it doesn't always happen.