Teenage kicks

[gauchecritic]

Apparently one of the late John Peel's favourite tunes was this early punk/pop track by The Undertones. (John alienated a lot of fans apparently in the 70s/80s by switching from metal to punk)

The song reached 31 in the charts (followed later by much greater success) I saw them play to about 50 people at Leeds University at the dawn of punk. (and pogoed like fuck)

GET TO THE POINT

Ok.

The song, it seems, is about masturbation, which I didn't realise at the time. Neither did I realise that Turning Japanese by The Vapours was also about masturbation.

So surprise me. What other songs do I know (not I'm A Wanker by Ivor Bigun) and don't realise are about masturbation?

Gauche

 

[Guest]

 

[Marsipanne]

Hokey Pokey was about sex!! dear lord, so it is

 

[Guest]

songs for an onanist

"My ding a ling" by Chuck Berry

"She Bop" by Cindy Lauper

I hope this isn't news to you, Gauche.

Perdita


Edited to add this: Googling on behalf of Gauchie

 

[McKenna]

Flagpole Sitta by Harvey Danger. The song was popular in the Seattle area about 6 years ago.

Here's a sample of the lyrics:

Fingertips have memories,
Mine can't forget the curves of your body
And when I feel a bit naughty
I run it up the flagpole and see who salutes
(But no one ever does)

 

[Virtual_Burlesque]

I Touch Myself by the one hit wonders The Divinyls

or from a less obscure source

Touch of My Hand by Britney Spears

 

[doormouse]

Smut by Skyhooks.

OMG the lyrics to that song crack me up lol

Slip into a cinema give yourself a treat
better take your raincoat
could be sticky on the seat...

Now open up your twisties
and open up your fly
the picture starts to flicker
as your hand moves down your thigh...

If your mother knew what you were doing
she'd probably hang her head and cry
and if she thought that you were whipping the dripping
she'd give you a belt, extract all the teeth of your fly...


cracks me up lol

 

[carsonshepherd]

The immortal Green Day song, Longview.

Quit all my all thoughts just for a bit
sick of all the same old shit, in a house with unlocked doors
and I'm fucking lazy...
Bite my lip and close my eyes
take me away to paradise.

Etc.
Very evocative scenes of mastubation there (not that I would know. But I've heard.)

 

[OhMissScarlett]

I couldn't think of any songs about masturbation right off hand(no pun). I've always heard that the old 1910 Fruitgum Company song 'Yummy Yummy Yummy' is about oral sex. Here are some of the lyrics, lol.

Yummy, Yummy, Yummy.
I got love in my tummy,
And I feel like a-lovin you:
Love, you're such a sweet thing,
Good enough to eat thing
And that's just a-what I'm gonna do

Oh, and I also used to tell people that 'More Than Words' by that schlocky band Extreme was about fellatio, but I dont know for sure.

 

[lucky-E-leven]

Come on Eileen by Dexy's Midnight Runners

and

Blister in the Sun by the Violent Femme's

...or so I've been told.

~lucky

 

[nushu2]

Hand in pocket.. Alanis Morisette
The Lemon Song .. Led Zeppelin from blues reference (possibly Willie Dixon or Robert Johnson)

Blues songs had all kinds of sex and drug references. Some were blatant.

The Hokey Pokey? You stick one foot in and shake it all about?

 

[minsue]

The Hokey Pokey? You stick one foot in and shake it all about?

What? How do you do it?

 

[nushu2]

Hokey Pokey


You put your right hand in,
You put your right hand out,
You put your right hand in,
And you shake it all about,

You do the hokey pokey
and you turn yourself around
That what it's all about.

2) left hand
3) right foot
4) left foot
5) head
6) butt
7) whole self

 

[Seattle Zack]

Turning Japanese by The Vapors

(so described because your eyes are squinting while you're doing the ... well, you know)
Lyrics are quite disturbing when you read them, but it was a big New Wave hit way back when........
(and many people thought it was anti-Asian ... when, in actuality, it was a paean to onanism ...)

Turning Japanese

I got your picture of me and you
You wrote "I love you" I wrote "me too"
I sit here staring and there's nothing else to do
Oh it's in color
Your hair is brown
Your eyes are hazel
And soft as clouds
I have to kiss you when there's no one else around

I got your picture, I got your picture
I'd like a million of you over myself
I want a doctor to take a picture
So I can look at you from inside as well
You've got me turning up and turning down
and turning in and turning 'round

I'm turning Japanese
I think I'm turning Japanese
I really think so
Turning Japanese
I think I'm turning Japanese
I really think so
Turning Japanese
I think I'm turning Japanese
I really think so
Turning Japanese
I think I'm turning Japanese
I really think so

I got your picture, I got your picture
I'd like a million of you over myself
I want a doctor to take a picture
So I can look at you from inside as well
You've got me turning up and turning down
and turning in and turning 'round

I'm turning Japanese
I think I'm turning Japanese
I really think so
Turning Japanese
I think I'm turning Japanese
I really think so
Turning Japanese
I think I'm turning Japanese
I really think so
Turning Japanese
I think I'm turning Japanese
I really think so

No sex, no drugs, no wine, no women
No fun, no sin, no you, no wonder it's dark
Everyone around me is a total stranger
Everyone avoids me like a Psyclone Ranger
Everyone

That's why I'm turning Japanese
I think I'm turning Japanese
I really think so
Turning Japanese
I think I'm turning Japanese
I really think so
Turning Japanese
I think I'm turning Japanese
I really think so
Turning Japanese
I think I'm turning Japanese
I really think so...

 

[fogbank]

Well, it's kinda obvious what this one is about:

Where are all the bachelors out there tonight?.....I don't mind going to weddings; as long as it's not my own, I'll show up. But I've always kinda been partial to calling myself up on the phone and asking myself out. (crowd laughs) Oh yeah, you call yourself up too, huh? Well, for one thing about it you're always around. Yeah, you ask yourself out....some class joint. The Burrito King or something. Well, I ain't cheap, y'know?....Take y'self out for a couple drinks.....some provocative conversation on the way home. You park in front of the house. You put some nice music on....like shopping music, or something that's not too interruptive. Slide over real nice...."Oh I think you have something in your eye." Take myself up to the porch.....Take myself inside......Maybe a little something in a brandy snifter or something......Well, usually about 2:30 in the morning you've ended up taking advantage of yourself and there ain't no way around that. Making the scene with a magazine, there ain't no way around that. I confess, I'm no different. I'm not weird about it or anything - I don't tie myself up first. I just kinda spend a little time with myself.

edit: oops, forgot to mention, that was Tom Waits, off of Nighthawks at the Diner, I think.

 

[steve w]

Gauche,

Does that mean "My Perfect Cousin" is a gay song?

Does "he flicked to kick, and I didn't know" have a whole new connotation?

Jeez, I'm so naive.....

 

[gauchecritic]

Gauche,

Does that mean "My Perfect Cousin" is a gay song?

Does "he flicked to kick, and I didn't know" have a whole new connotation?

Jeez, I'm so naive.....

Never thought of that. And then there's the incestual urilagnia.

"He's the family's pride and joy, his mother's little golden boy"

Gauche

 

[Guest]

For anyone who's not Gauche: "Tonight I fancy my self" by The Beautiful South.

Perdita

 

[shereads]

What other songs do I know (not I'm A Wanker by Ivor Bigun) and don't realise are about masturbation?

Gauche

Pretty much all of the ones with vocals.