technical aspects

[geronimo_appleby]

If there is anyone who would perhaps read my latest offering, 'Riga's Havoc' and who would be so kind as to give me feedback from a technical point of view, I'd appreciate your efforts.
I feel I have evolved and improved since my first submissions last year, and am now gaining confidence. As a result I am laying myself open to criticism from people I would consider far superior in talent to my own humble offerings.

 

[Penelope Street]

Hi Geronimo,

Mind control is not a favorite topic of mine, thus I can't say that I enjoyed Riga's story, but I did find your writing to be sound on a technical level. I had no trouble following the story. The descriptions were adequate, if perhaps lacking a shade in detail. The pace was also good. The one area I noticed a potential weakness was excessive adverb use. If you don't know what I mean, consider visiting this site:

http://www.users.qwest.net/~yarnspnr/writing/adverbs/adverbs.htm

That was by far the most glaring technical issue I noticed. Hope that helps.

Take Care,
Penny

 

[Alexis Haines]

Some feedback for you...

Hello, fellow Brit! I liked it...

I'd like to have seen more manifestations of Riga's evil; perhaps the ways he affects the natural world around him, the little signs of pollution.

Jennifer's 'nice girl' dismay and changes in behaviour come across well, and I like the innocent Covent Garden scene. Chrissie's more worldly character is a good foil.

There's some nice graphic detail in the sex scenes but it's not overly laboured, and the overall pace is good.

I'm intrigued to know if Riga's plan will succeed or not... When do we get Chapter 2?

Happy writing!
AH