Tantric Sex....love it or hate it..??

[lovesdaladies]

For the last six month I have been practising trantra... It has allowed me to become one with my body and my surroundings.

I don't think I have ejaculated in about two months, my orgasms happened inwardly and there is no actual release of sperm. My bloke friends think I'm a little weird and think I lying when i say I have actually ejaculated in ages, I tell them it all will power and they tell me to fuck off...LOL

When I do meet a girl I like and we have sex I can stay hard and fuck all night... the problem is it confuses a lot of girls they're just expecting me to cum and fall asleep and when I don't it all good for while but eventually they cant take any more and it gets painful.... So the question I pose to LIT is how long is enough I have inward orgasms that last ages but for women who don't know tantra when do you say "no more"...

Let me know your thoughts People.

 

[lovesdaladies]

A sex community and No 1 cares..Reads but no replies how disappointing..

What in a big sex community like LIT, no 1 has any comments!!!!

I bet it might interest a few of the community who enjoy a dabble in amateur photography LOL

That I have a few sessions on video tape purely for research purposes....only.

So come on people male or female... When do you think enough is enough....

You must have at least an opinion....

 

[Guest]

I'm a male and would love to know how you can pull this off, this is one skill I think I would love to have. Instructions please. ^_^

 

[Guest]

_ _ * * * ( ( ( Ai LOVES Tantra! Here's just a brief introduction: ) ) ) * * * _ _

Just wanted to pass this along since you seem interested:

Copyright © 1995 catherine yronwode


Introductory note:

Tantra (which means "woven together") is a term loosely applied to a system of Hindu yoga in which the union of male and
female principles is worshipped. In practice, this has led to a form of sexual ritual in which slow, non-orgasmic intercourse
is seen as a path to an experience of the divine. A modified version of Hindu Tantra can also be found in Tibetan Buddhism.

The term tantra is also -- for the sake of convenience -- applied to other (primarily Western) religious or spiritual practices
in which slow, non-orgasmic sexual union or masturbation forms a path to the experience of spiritual ecstasy. Some of
these Western practices arose during the 19th century, apparently by spontaneous discovery -- although one popularizer of
Western tantra (Alice Bunker Stockham) is known to have travelled to India to study Hindu tantra. Each "discoverer" gave
his or her system a unique name -- Male Continence, The Better Way, Karezza, The Anseiratic Mysteries, Zugassent's
Discovery, Magnetation, etc.

In my personal opinion the reason that tantra persists as a religion despite the persecution of sexuality in most modern
civilizations, the reason it arises spontaneously in different eras and places, and the reason that it crosses socio-cultural
lines is that it is based upon some neurological hard-wiring of the human body; something which, when practiced correctly,
allows the participants to experience what seems to be -- what IS, for all intents and purposes -- the presence of deity in
the person of the sex partner.

This essay began as private e-mail to a man who said he wanted some straight instructions on tantra. He was not religious
and was not interested in Hinduism, so he worried that tantra might require him to convert to some religion or other. He
also wanted to know if studying tantra meant that he would have to "suppress" his orgasms, which he said did not sound
like fun. He said that he had been trying to "suppress" his orgasms and wasn't having much success.



The following comprises the basic anatomical and technical (non-religious) advice on tantric techniques i was given and can
pass along. I am not a teacher of the subject. For what it's worth, here is my story:

I am a 48 year old woman who first read about tantric sex in 1962. It was not until 1975 that i met someone who wanted to
try it. He had read about it, too; neither of us had a teacher. It worked for us! That's all i can say. It worked! It didn't make
us life-partners and it didn't turn either of us into swinging singles, either. We did not join a religious cult. It did take us to
spiritual vistas of sexual beauty and unity.

In 1977 a long-time friend of mine told me he wanted to try it with me. We had never made love before, so we discussed
the subject for about half an hour and then we did it. Again, a spiritual experience was found to grow from this humblest of
biological acts. Although this man and i have rarely seen each other since and i have not (yet) found another man who
would try it with me, that experience changed my life, for i knew then that all of the religious mumbo-jumbo i had read
about tantra was just a bunch of socio-cultural veneer laid over a basic biological-spiritual truth.

What that truth is has been obliquely approached by research John C. Lilly did on monkeys in the 1950s (before he got into
dolphin brain research). As documented in his book, "The Center of the Cyclone," he found that there are four points in the
brain, arranged in a row, that control the sexual response of (male) monkeys. He used males because their sexual
responses (tumescence, ejaculation, etc.) were easier to see and thus to quantify than the responses of female monkeys --
but the mechanism is the same in both sexes.

The first neural point in the series regulated arousal (erection, ). The second point regulated muscular contraction
(ejaculation). The third point regulated the orgasm itself (sensation of sexual culmination). The fourth point he called the
"master switch," for when it was stimulated, it entrained the three previously-mentioned centers, causing the monkey to
experience erection, ejaculation, and orgasm in the usual predictable order.

The discovery of these four points in the brain indicates that through conscious and learned control, one can separate the
entrainment center from the process and thus experience erection (circulatory system), ejaculation (muscular system), or
orgasm (neural system) indeoendent of each other.

We all have experienced this disassociation of the entrainment center at one time or another (not always under our
conscious volition) as when, for instance, we achieve tumescence but not orgasm, or have an 'involuntary" ejaculation, or
have an "unsatisfying" orgasm in which the contractions do not bring the normal degree of sensory pleasure. What tantra
teaches is how to control these things so that one can experience orgasm without contraction, thus prolonging it beyond the
biologically-regulated constraint imposed by the amount of time it takes to complete the 8-25 contractions you would
normally have.

So -- in strictly biological terms -- the practice of tantra becomes somewhat akin to the practice of biofeedback training. It
is sort of like learning to wiggle your ears -- it's something you have to work at, because the volitional control of the
musculature involved is not part of our usual training in life.

Where does the experience of spirituality come from? That, i have come to believe, is part of our neurological hard-wiring.
Human beings seem to be naturally equipped to experience the metaphysical world. Many ages-old techniques for
perceiving the realm of spirit make use of repetition (of hymns, prayers, chants, dances) while engaging in single-minded
attentiveness to cosmic forces. Tantra provides both repetition and attentiveness. It is not the only way to achieve spiritual
bliss, as its religious practitioners assert, but it is one way, and that is good enough for me.

Okay; first thing, you have to notice what your orgasm reflex is. Just observe it a few times (ten or more times) and pay
attention to how it works. (You might want to do this while masturbating, as it could prove distracting to a partner.)
Especially, notice that there is a brief moment at the onset of orgasm when you are consciously aware that it is about to
occur but it has not yet become inevitable. That's where you will later spend your time.

In the typical orgasm (both male and female) there are 8 to 25 muscular contractions (women may have more than men;
how many you have will vary at times). Get to know how many contractions you experience. (For instance, my usual
number is 18-20; it's never fewer, but sometimes more, and that has not changed in 30 years).

Now, rather than "suppressing" an orgasm, try to let one or two contractions happen and then relax. If you can learn to let
one or two waves of orgasmic contractions occur and then relax by breathing slowly, and being attentive, and relaxing your
abdominal muscles (NOT by trying to think of something else to "distract" yourself), then you can learn to repeat this over
and over again. Imagine yourself at the edge of a breaking wave of pleasure, not plunging over the edge.

You can practice this with a partner or while masturbating. It's easier with a partner, because he or she can hold you at the
wave-edge, gently changing position and thus slowing you from going into the stage of involuntary pelvic thrusts you have
been trying to "suppress."

While you are learning to ride the wave-edge, take turns with your partner. As one of you rides the wave of bliss, the other
acts as a "lookout," keeping the wave-rider from falling into the undertow of orgasm-when the wave-rider reaches
saturation and relaxes, you trade roles. During the course of one sexual encounter, you may trade roles often. You may also
rest (in a semi-detumescent state), and begin again later if you like. When you and your partner become attuned to one
another, you will no longer think about who is riding the edge and who is guiding; the roles will blend and mesh and you will
both simply "be" there. That is basically the "secret teaching" of tantra.

Sometimes, while learning these techniques, the lookout partner becomes suffused with a feeling of personal power,
knowing that he or she can cause the wave-riding partner to have an orgasm, simply by making a slight gesture at the
point when the wave-rider is letting go and relaxing. This experience of power should not be devalued. It is profoundly
moving to realize that someone has given his or her sexuality into your control and it is a pleasure of high magnitude to
watch the process of your partner's orgasm unfold -- but once you understand your power in the situation, don't force your
partner over the edge, for mistrust may develop, and the partner who is continually forced into orgasm may lose the fine
proprioceptive senses he or she should be developing. Occasionally, when one partner is sexually needy (for instance, a
woman during the ovulation portion of her menstrual cycle), the gift of release into orgasm may be offered and accepted,
but be prepared for the offer to be refused, too. Remember, at all times your goal should be to share equally in the
experience, not to second-guess what you think your partner wants.

One recommended minimum length of time to spend exchanging off-and-on waves between partners is twenty minutes. It
is believed by many who have practiced and studied this, including myself, that although less than forty minutes will be
pleasant, it will not produce the sought-after spiritual experience. Remember, this time is shared between the two of you;
typically, that does not even mean exactly ten minutes each at the edge-point, for it may take you a few seconds or a
minute to get back to that place of wave-riding after you have had your turn being the lookout for your partner. As your
experience increases, you may find that you can switch from lookout to wave-rider in less than a handful of seconds; when
that happens, you have only to be careful that you do not become over-confident and "forget" to relax when your training
tells you it is time to relax.

If, by reason of forgetfulness or over-excitement, either partner is drawn inexorably into orgasm, neither party should be
alarmed, angry, or distressed. For one thing, if you have been very close to the edge for a long time and you see your
partner slipping over, it's a simple matter to dive in and join the orgasmic experience. Or, if you prefer, you can watch,
content in viewing from the vantage point of calm contemplation. It has been my experience that when one partner "fails"
to maintain the wave-riding technique, he or she usually half-apologizes and is forgiven with tender kisses; there is no
sense of disappointment or resentment, because both partners know that the supply of pleasure is not meted out stingily
and that balance will be restored in due time.

If you get good at these techniques and enjoy them, you may find that you will have achieved the "satisfaction" of an
orgasm (that is, your sex drive will be temporarily sated) after twenty or thirty minutes and you will not necessarily want
an orgasm, or you may experience orgasmic sensations which are not accompanied by contractions. On the other hand, you
may find that the moment you both decide you are sated and that neither of you wants a conventional orgasm, you both do,
RIGHT NOW, and you may finish the sex act rather tumultuously.

In non-religious tantra there is no premium placed on avoidance of the fully contractive orgasm -- that is, there is no
theorizing about a man's kundalini energy shooting up from his testicles into his brain and being sucked back down and
"wasted" if he ejaculates -- so choosing to have or not have orgasms may depend on your personalities, the time of month
(for a woman), how the two of you feel about the benefits of "pure" (non-orgasmic) tantra, and how much each of you
enjoy the sheer physical workout of the push toward orgasm.

Now, here's the interesting part: these techniques are not simply a recipe for great sex. Believe it now or not, you WILL
have spiritual feelings while doing this. It is these spiritual feelings that have formed the basis for several sexually-oriented
religions and magic cults.

Traditional tantric practices -- eating the five sacred foods, raising kundalini energy through your chakras, seeing the blue
light, and so forth -- are of use to you only insofar as you accept the allegorical, religious, alchemical, or symbolic premises
that underlie them.

If you perceive the heart-chakra as nothing more than the location of a muscle-pump, it would be meaningless for you to
visualize kundalini energy in your heart. But something will happen in your heart, nonetheless, and you will find a name for
it.

If you think that the god Shiva and the goddess Durga are remote and obscure from your daily experience or cultural
conditioning, it would be a waste of your time to learn their names or their iconographic and gestural attributes. But
nameless or named, sitting lotus-fashion or not, you and your partner will enter a realm of divinity, so be prepared, for
tantra will take you there.

A non-religious spiritual form of sexuality is best known in America as karezza was popularized in the 19th century by Dr.
Alice Bunker Stockham. To allow spiritual feelings to evolve without embedding them in a religious context, try the karezza
technique of looking into your partner's eyes, thinking about the universality of sexual congress among all species, and then
extending your awareness out beyond the pair of you to the world and to the cosmos. You may find yourself in what is
called by some "the magnetic ocean," a sensation that you are partaking of a universal, ongoing sexual experience that is
life itself.

If you have no partner, the best way to do these things is to "invoke" a partner. In Thibetan tantric practice this imaginary
lover is called a tulpa. Do not imagine that your tulpa is doing whatever it is that you consider "hot" or "sexy;" imagine that
your tulpa and you are doing what i described above.

If you are in a committed relationship and become interested in tantra, you should be cautious in bringing the subject up
with your partner. Your partner may take your interest as evidence that you are disinterested in "normal" sex or may feel
you are disparaging his or her sexuality as not "good enough" for you. Your partner may think it is "unromantic" to discuss
biologically-based spirituality or that sexual activity requiring a bit of practice is less "spontaneous" than untutored sexual
activity. Be prepared to deal with these concerns patiently.



Common Questions About Tantra Answered

Matt Atkins wrote:

> I've managed to secure a copy of the Kama Sutra
> (old, yes, accurate, who knows?). Is this of any
> real signifigance? It seems like an ancient
> marriage manual more than anything else... Does
> it require a "reading into" (like say, James Joyce's
> works) more than a "reading of" (like a Chilton's manual)?

My take on the Kama Sutra is about the same as yours -- it reads kinda like an old-fashioned self-help book. It is highly
coloured by local cultural beliefs, too, regarding the status of women, of marriage as an institution, and even of children and
pets. I consider it more of a curiousity than anything else -- and i consider 19th and 20th century interest in it a significator
of Western culture's fascination with "exotic" (i.e. foreign culture) sex. I tried to "read into" the Kama Sutra when young,
and came up with a big fat nada -- it was no more or less about sexual metaphysics than a standard American
"how-to-fuck" book would be.

> Does Tantra have any sort of "standard practice"
> (ritual)? If so, could you outline it?

No, there are no no standards. Well, except control of male orgasm -- that occurs in ALL branches of tantra yoga as well as
in the tantra-like sexual-spiritual practices of non-Hindu cultures. So does eye-gazing.

Some form of breath-control is common, too, as it is part of the yoga substrate from which tantra yoga grew. It also helps
the participants key into the neurological basis of orgasm control.

Some branches of tantra yoga, and some tantra-like sexual-spiritual practices of non-Hindu cultures, also add control of
female orgasm.

Some also add circulation of subtle or aetheric energies up the spine (kundalini yoga) and through a series of energy points
on the body (chakras).

Some also add antinomianism (breaking of cultural taboos, e.g. against eating certain foods or against having sex with
people of certain social or familial rank).

Some also add sexual promiscuity, while others insist on sexual monogamy or even (hard though this may be to
comprehend) celibacy.

Some branches of tantra yoga and tantra-like sexual-spiritual practices of non-Hindu cultures involve the devotee in the
worship of a sexualized goddess or god; some take this farther and ask that the devotee worship the sexual partner as a
living incarnation of a sexualized goddess or god; others subsume the practice of spiritual sexuality under the worship of a
deity who is not sexualized.

> What are the goals (stated) and effects
> (stated and not) of Tantra, at least as they
> have effected you?

The stated goals vary by the branch of tantra yoga or tantra-like sexual-spiritual practices of non-Hindu cultures one is
considering. They range from literal union with the godhead to enjoying sex more, with plenty of stops along the way for
intermediate goals.

As they have affected ME (but i am only one person!) the goals i have are a blend of karezza and tantra -- and they are to
experience spiritual bliss through sexual pleasure and to see the divine incarnation (of the god Shiva, but why quibble?) in
my lovers.

> Where did you learn?

From old books and from my body and from my lovers. I also recently took a workshop with Lori Grace, but considered that
more of a "refresher course" than a learning experience, as i have been reading about this stuff since 1962 and practicing it
since 1976.

> Would you recommend learning in this fashion?

I prefer a personal and eclectic search to the immersion in dogma, so, yes, i would recommend that others do as i have
done. But that's a pretty personal viewpoint, obviously.

> I would like to learn on these subjects,
> but am extremely wary of "teachers" and especially
> so in this context. There are a lot of fakes out there.

I recommend self-teaching, but if you wish to take lessons, i endorse the courses taught by the Muirs and by Lori Grace.
Neither are fakes in any way. I have not taken a class or workshop with the Muirs, but have spoken to others who have
done so. I am not financially connected to either group and derive no benefit from this recommendation.


- catherine yronwode

Hope that helps! If you'd like some more information, just ask . . .

LOVE, Kin Ky (Ai Henjin)