Tanka, tanka

[CharleyH]

and tanka, again! I'm an idea person and I adore coming up with challenges for other poets, but in doing so I admittedly neglect honing my own ability to write. Inspired by all the poets who invested time in the last gunfight (and of course, my honey, Lauren), I decided to write a tanka or four. Please be gently honest, but honest most of all. I can take it!

Wedding Night

They dance in tango
Dionysus and port wine
all synchronizing
like walled forts embracing us
but my pleasure pains for you

Naked pulse and rise
my body - your Babylon
lasciviously
aching every inch deeper
tasting your beautiful cock

Adamastor points
compass into the abyss
vociferously
I cum - my pussy drenches
pleasure screeches through heavens

Lust - hot and burning
if this is the end of days
serendipity
or even Apocalypse
I am yours eternally

 

[jthserra]

on Tanka

I think you may be getting too caught up in the syllable count. Like haiku, the tanka is a Japanese form and the 7-5-7 7-7 syllable count refers to the Japanese Onji, which is similar to English syllables but shorter. The tanka form doesn't have as strict of requirements as haiku which makes it an excellent venue for erotica. You might want to refer to the article: How to Write a Tanka for a bit of information on tanka. Check out the books in the documentation for a deeper look.

You might want to check out Mari Akiko's tanka here at lit. There aren't a lot but what is there is pretty good in my opinion.


jth
jim : )

 

[WickedEve]

I think you may be getting too caught up in the syllable count. jim : )

I was just reading the poem and thinking about you! I was wondering about the syllable count and if needed to be 7-5-7 7-7.

 

[bronzeage]

I like tankas as an exercise. The form forces one to find words to express the thoughts and images, but stay inside the form.

I especially like tanka quartets because they allow enough space for a true narrative.

I am curious about the lines:

"Adamastor points
compass into the abyss"

Do you mean the magnetic needle, or the dividers?

 

[CharleyH]

I like tankas as an exercise. The form forces one to find words to express the thoughts and images, but stay inside the form.

I especially like tanka quartets because they allow enough space for a true narrative.

I am curious about the lines:

"Adamastor points
compass into the abyss"

Do you mean the magnetic needle, or the dividers?

This is a specific symbolic reference to a heroic myth in Portuguese culture, at the same time I was 'hoping' it would erotically reference a cock diving into pussy. I see i missed this mark.

 

[Epmd607]

I like the last lust poem, traditional erotic and apocalypse.

 

[CharleyH]

I think you may be getting too caught up in the syllable count. Like haiku, the tanka is a Japanese form and the 7-5-7 7-7 syllable count refers to the Japanese Onji, which is similar to English syllables but shorter. The tanka form doesn't have as strict of requirements as haiku which makes it an excellent venue for erotica. You might want to refer to the article: How to Write a Tanka for a bit of information on tanka. Check out the books in the documentation for a deeper look.

You might want to check out Mari Akiko's tanka here at lit. There aren't a lot but what is there is pretty good in my opinion.


jth
jim : )

I didn't know it could change, Jim. I'm not great at syllabic marks and poetic grammar, in fact I mostly suck at both, but I try. I'll have to read that article. Thank you.

 

[bronzeage]

This is a specific symbolic reference to a heroic myth in Portuguese culture, at the same time I was 'hoping' it would erotically reference a cock diving into pussy. I see i missed this mark.

Not too far off the mark.

I got the part about Adamastor. The "compass" can be an instrument which points the way, or one which charts the path.

A "compass rose" is the image on a map which shows north and all the other directions. On old maps, the rose was usually very ornate. This is from where the magnetic needle takes its name.

Compass is one of those words which has taken on so many different meanings that context is the only way to know what is meant.

 

[CharleyH]

I was just reading the poem and thinking about you! I was wondering about the syllable count and if needed to be 7-5-7 7-7.

Just a sweet kiss to thank you.

 

[CharleyH]

Okay, then. After taking all suggestions into consideration and getting a wealth of info. from a specific haiku master (you know who you are) I decided to scrap the first poem for now and save elements of it for the future. However, I've not yet given up on the tanka!

In fact, I started from scratch:

shards of neon
twist cold concrete chaos
one to midnight
tomorrow brings your kiss
and I await, aching


I realize mother nature doesn't play any role in this attempt, but ...

Thoughts are always appreciated.

 

[Senna Jawa]

I was just reading the poem and thinking about you! I was wondering about the syllable count and if needed to be 7-5-7 7-7.

Classical Japanese tanka count would be 5-7-5-7-7.

In English strive at about 3-5-3-5-5. The syllable count should be the last of your worries though.

 

[CharleyH]

Classical Japanese tanka count would be 5-7-5-7-7.

In English strive at about 3-5-3-5-5. The syllable count should be the last of your worries though.

Lauren tells me that you are exceptionally knowledgeable and that you are an expert at Japanese forms. I've just begun to learn more about the tanka and I obviously do not expect you to comment on my beginner attempts, but perhaps you can answer a question for me instead.

Considering the differences between Eastern and Western culture/metaphor, the Japanese and English languages, how close to the Japanese model do you suggest an English tanka writer stay, syllable count aside?