Tall tale

[LukkyKnight]

This guy walks into a bar, pulls out a tiny piano and stool, and a little man who's only a foot tall. The tiny man sits down, and starts to play the piano. The music is great, and the bartender notices it so he wanders over. 'Hey, what's that?'

'A twelve-inch pianist. Ya see, I found this magic lamp, rubbed it, the Genie said to make a wish - ONE WISH, no more no less... I got a twelve inch pianist.'

'Can I try?' The man with the tiny piano agrees and hands the bartender the lamp. A minute later, a million ducks fill the room.

'Ducks? I didn't wish for a million ducks,' shouts the bartender, 'I wished for a million bucks!'

'Ya think I wished for a twelve inch pianist?'

 

[LukkyKnight]

Just one more tonight - i'm in the mood to share a chuckle

A woman walks into a store and asks the pharmacist if he sells extra-large condoms. The pharmacist replies, ''Yes, would you like make a purchase?''

The woman says, ''On no sir. I'll stand here and wait to see if anyone buys one...''

 

[PowerOfOne]

Open letter to Taliban and Mr. Bin Laden

Received from: Admiral Readers' Rating: 31.48% Total votes: 135
Dear Taliban and Mr. Bin Laden:

We are pleased to announce, that we unequivocally accept your challenge to an old-fashioned game of "whoop-ass." Now that we understand the rule that there are no rules, we look forward to playing without them for the first time. (heh, heh) Since this game is a winner-take-all, we unfortunately are unable to invite you to join us at the victory celebration. But rest assured that we will toast you -- LITERALLY.

While we will admit that you are off to an impressive lead, it is however now our turn at the plate. By the way, we will be playing on your diamond now... Batter up! Our team line up is as follows:
Manager ~ George W. Bush (First year at this position, may be a ROOKIE, but well versed in underhandedness. Chip of the Ole Block)
Ass't Manager ~ Dick Cheney (Somewhat schooled on your type of tactics being he is a Viet Nam Vet. Don't let the ticker fool you. He's all heart)
Head Coach ~ Colin Powell (Definitely not a ROOKIE!! 30 year vet in this arena--'nuff said. He's action will speak for themselves) Assistant Coach ~ Donald Rumsfeld (The one unknown factor on this team. We hear he can be quite testy if riled. And, is he riled!) Starting Pitcher ~ Norman Schwartzkoff (Remember Desert Storm? Been known to kick Butt first and maybe think about asking questions later.)
1st Base ~ U. S. Marine Corps
2nd Base ~ U. S. Navy
3rd Base ~ US Air Force
Shortstop and clean up hitter ~ U. S. Army
Outfield ~ Firemen and Policemen
Umpire ~ None Required (Well, maybe we'll consider the Red Cross)

*Remember - the manager told you there'll be no discussion; no negotiation; no how no way!

Pinch hitters as needed ~ US Navy SEALS US Army Green Berets US Army Rangers US Air Force PJ's Delta Force

And, since there are no rules, we've decided to add:
4th Base ~ United Kingdom
5th Base ~ Russia
6th Base ~ China
Other Bases (as desired) ~ Japan, Germany, France, Spain, Italy, "Pakistan, Turkistan, and few of your own Afghanistan's from the northern region and lots of other ...stans" and more.

Opening Ceremonies:
Vocal 1: Whitney Houston ~ The Star Spangled Banner
Vocal 2: Lee Greenwood ~ God Bless The USA
Vocal 3: Neil Diamond ~ Comin' To America
Vocal 4: Bruce Springsteen ~ Born In The USA
Vocal 5: The Mormon Tabernacle Choir ~ Battle Hymn of the Republic
Vocal 6: America The Beautiful ~ All the US Congressional ChorusYou, may choose whoever you want for your team ... it won't really matter (even if you all shave), our guys and gals are gonna win!!!

Closing Ceremonies
Hail to The Chief ~ New York Philamonic Orchestra
It's Grand Ole Flag ~ Boston Pops Orchestra
We Are The World ~ Worldwide Mass Choir of Noted Celebrities,

Added attraction, (just for grins): Poppa's Got A brand New Bag ~ ALA James Brown

Sincerely,

On behalf of the 270,000,000 citizens of the United States of America

PS: May we recommend at this time that you give your soul to Allah; 'cause your buttocks is ours!