Talking dirty

[KerrBear85]

My husband has always been a big talker during sex. I've always been a moaner. He kind of dissed my moaning once because he wanted me to talk more, so now I do neither. I've tried to concentrate of relaxing again and just letting the moans come like they use to, but I've trained myself not to it appears. He has even apologized for dissing it once because he missed it and now I’m dead silent. We have really awesome sex but I done really moan unless I'm orgasming and sometimes those are even quiet now. He knows when I'm having one but I barely make a sound. He still tries to get me to talk. I'm simply too shy and I have no idea what to say. After sex I can think of all kinds of things to say but when I'm having sex, I completely forget everything I had made up. Then, when I actually DO have something dirty to say, I can't get it out. I try, I want to, I tell myself to just fucking say it, but I can't. I want to get both my moaning back and be able to finally get out and talk dirty to my husband while we are having sex. He wants it so badly and I can't get the damned words out or the idea to come. I think a lot of this may be because I'm a super concentrator when it comes to sex. I stop feeling everything but the motions and the friction. I love it especially when it's slow. If I have to sit there and think about what's being said and that I need to talk, I stop being able to concentrate on the physical act of love making. . . This really sucks. I need advise.

 

[SweetErika]

Baby steps.

Start with the moaning and other vocalizations you know you can do. Start as small as you need to with that, and try to be a little more vocal each time, if that's something you want to do.

From there, you could practice expressing yourself in simple ways. Tell him when something feels great, and add a little more description as you become more comfortable (e.g. "It feels wonderful when you circle my clit with your tongue.").

If you really have trouble, you might find help in writing down some of the things you'd like to say, practice saying them aloud when you're alone, to yourself in the mirror, or even reading him some explicit stories during foreplay. You could also try cybersex and/or phonesex with him, if having that barrier is likely to help you. And perhaps you'll find it's easier to be vocal in certain positions at first (e.g. facing away from him, in a position that makes you feel particularly free and sexy, etc.).

If you want to be more vocal, you'll have to summon your courage and practice. If you don't, because it feels like it interferes with your pleasure or whatever, communicate that to him and try to compromise, maybe by talking more while you're doing something to him, writing, talking on the phone, or something else that feels like a good middle ground.

I'd imagine that making sure you get rid of any bad feelings associated with his previous criticism of your moaning would help you, too. Really consider whether or not you're holding onto any negativity over that, and if so, figure out how you can get rid of it so you can start fresh and accomplish your goals.

 

[phelon]

remove him from the picture......

start by talking out a fantasy to yourself while you masturbate... get used to saying the words and more... saying them while stimulation is occurring.. then as you practice more.. some will slip into what you do with him.. and eventually more will.. until it all works

 

[fireymatt]

You are 'thinking' to much..... u seem like you know how to moan, but are just afraid of being heard. Seems like he has spooked you so that you are now self conscience
i would work at it alone... by yourself or sit yourself in front of the computer and try it alone, video yourself and see just how sexy it really is...

 

[KerrBear85]

Thanks everyone. I'll try to be more vocal by myself first and start by moaning again with my husband. I'm able to bark a few little things here and there, they usually come more freely when I'm orgasiming and all. . . As for the video taping idea, it would be fun to give it to my husband as well. He'd really enjoy it.

 

[Mistress_Rose]

I can completely relate. I was terrified of talking dirty. I did the same as you, moaned with words stuck in my throat..or worse, completely blank. This got me into trouble way-back-when because I was submissive and when a Dominant tells you to say something, you kinda have to 'or else'..but, I just couldn't! No matter how much I wanted to. The only way I was able to get over it was to actually start doing phonesex for a living. lol I just threw myself in. Extreme? Possibly. But I found that talking to strangers was less intimidating and it gave me ideas that I was able to translate into personal play times. So, if slow and easy doesn't work, try my way = get paid for it! lol Its a huge turn on, ego boost and confidence builder for the bedroom. Plus, you can play up the 'shy novice/virgin' thing over the phone until you get really comfortable.

blessings,
~Mistress Rose

p.s. Now that my tastes and skills have brought me into a Dominant role in my relationships I can attest that its much easier to come up with things to say if you are in the role of the fuck-er rather than the fuck-ee. So perhaps you should turn the tables, take some power, and put HIM on his back (or knees) for a moment and see what comes out of his mouth. lol I'm just sayin'...*shrug*

 

[KerrBear85]

How you go about getting paid to do that? Can you do it on your own time? That sounds kinda fun, actually. . . Never even have to see the guy, LOL.

And, I can attest that being in a dominate role DOES help. I've done the strap on thing with my husband and words were streaming out of my mouth. I was actually mean to him, which he loved! But when I'm in the normal positions, like girl on top OR on bottom, I can't say anything. Being on top doesn't help because I'm much more self concious because of how exposed I am. But if I switch from girl to boy role, then it becomes easier and meaner. . .

I can completely relate. I was terrified of talking dirty. I did the same as you, moaned with words stuck in my throat..or worse, completely blank. This got me into trouble way-back-when because I was submissive and when a Dominant tells you to say something, you kinda have to 'or else'..but, I just couldn't! No matter how much I wanted to. The only way I was able to get over it was to actually start doing phonesex for a living. lol I just threw myself in. Extreme? Possibly. But I found that talking to strangers was less intimidating and it gave me ideas that I was able to translate into personal play times. So, if slow and easy doesn't work, try my way = get paid for it! lol Its a huge turn on, ego boost and confidence builder for the bedroom. Plus, you can play up the 'shy novice/virgin' thing over the phone until you get really comfortable.

blessings,
~Mistress Rose

p.s. Now that my tastes and skills have brought me into a Dominant role in my relationships I can attest that its much easier to come up with things to say if you are in the role of the fuck-er rather than the fuck-ee. So perhaps you should turn the tables, take some power, and put HIM on his back (or knees) for a moment and see what comes out of his mouth. lol I'm just sayin'...*shrug*

 

[Feral_Intelligence]

Prehaps instead of talking durring sex, you should ty doing it durring the fore play. Next time you are in the mood, come on to him. Start out by telling him what you want to do. Since the only thing you are doing is talking, it will be easy to concentrate on. As you start to move into the more physical realm you just have to keep it up rather than try to start up cold.

As to the moaning, I would say just try and do it while you are masterbating. Next time you go to play with yourself, just think you yourself, "I'm going to moan" and do it. It might be a little forced at first, but once you are use to it again it should come easier.

 

[FantaSeaGirl]

All the tips above have been great but here's another one.

My issue with talking dirty was that what if what I said somehow offended my partner? Something that seemed to work for me was for my partner to tell me what to say. In effect all I was doing was repeating his words so I knew that I wasn't offending him. Sometimes I had to repeat it over & over until he was sure I meant it & it sounded true. It was very freeing to act so wantonish and know that it was acceptable and after repeating it it seemed I seemed to relax, loose my fear and yet hold onto the delisciouness of the "talking dirty taboo".

Good Luck.